Neon Genesis Evangelion: Aberrant Impact
by Kriegsherr
Summary: Revisions begining, and Chapter 1 version 2.0 is up. More coming!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Studio Gainax owns Neon Genesis Evangelion. "Mr. Crowley", Blizzard of Ozz, any associated lyrics, and any other name or product, are registered, trademarked and copyrighted by their respective owner(s). Should they or the appropriate legally affiliated entitie(s) request it, I shall remove this fan fiction from the Web. Thank you.**

Authors notes:

This is version 2.0 of my first posted fic! Ok, for anyone that's already read this, I apologize for the long wait since I last posted anything. Real life kicked me quite hard, and I've only recently been able to get back to writing. For anyone that hasn't read this in the past, the story originally started as a songfic, and is now much more. This story is an alternate version of what could have happened in "Death and Rebirth", so be prepared for some differences and changes. I have tried to keep the characters in character for the most part, with some changes that feel appropriate or were necessary for the circumstances. I will have a few ACC's in this fic, but as I said, it is an alternate ending for the series, so I **_hope_** that you look past the surface and enjoy the character, or at least accept the character's presence, if nothing else. I also hope that you can pardon the measurements I give in metric (even though I'm an American!), I'm doing that partly because this fiction takes place in Japan, and partly because I've probably read too many hard science fiction books for my own good! ^_^

Well, without further ado, I present you with my first fan fiction:

" " : Indicates spoken words.

_italics outside of quotes_: Indicate thoughts or written text.

] [ : Indicates radio transmissions.

**Aberrant Impact**

Chapter 1

**Tokyo-3, ****June 3, 2015****; 1:37 A.M.** Misato Katsuragi Residence.

The young man was lying on his bed, staring at the pale white ceiling of his room. His eyes were unfocused, and his appearance was very tired and haggard looking; the reason was that he had only managed an hour or two of sleep a night over the last few weeks. However, it was his choice not to. He feared sleep recently, and the dreams that usually followed. Some of the dreams had haunted him for years, but more, far darker dreams had done so in the last year. Ever since the time that Shinji Ikari had become known as the Third Child. He was the Designated Pilot of Evangelion Unit-01, the monstrous biomechanical war machine that was his armor against the horrifyingly powerful entities known as angels. He had experienced many dreams in the past several months, very few of them pleasant ones. Most were dreams that others would call nightmares, dreams of his battles with the angels, and of the darkest parts of his very life.

Lately, his dreams had been plagued by images of another young man, a boy who had been an Eva pilot, much like himself. But the young man had been so very unlike himself at the same time. The boy, known to Shinji as Kaworu Nagisa, had become his best friend. The memory of Kaworu was very keen in Shinji's mind. The calm, happy demeanor he had always projected, his persistently tousled gray hair, his pale, red eyes. And lately, when Shinji slept, he saw the death of one of the best friends he had ever had. The only person Shinji remembered telling him that they loved him. Shinji had believed Kaworu when he had told him that. _I loved you too, Kaworu... You should have survived, not me... You were so much better than me... I wish I had known you longer, you were... You were like a brother to me. I wish… I wish you had been my brother, not… Not, what you were…_

Tears traced their familiar path down his face. He did not expect them, considering the amount of tears he had already shed; so many tears, in fact, that he thought he could no longer cry. All because of the stress in his life as late, which had increased dramatically after the battle with the thirteenth angel. It had been during this battle when his father had ordered the dummy plug in his Eva to be activated. The dummy plug was an artificial pilot designed to take over for the real pilot. It had performed with ruthless efficiency, tearing the possessed Evangelion Unit-03 quite literally to pieces, and finally crushing the pilot's entry plug.

Shinji bit back a sob of grief as he remembered the crippling, nearly fatal wounds caused to his friend, Touji Suzuhara, who had been Unit-03's pilot. Touji had suffered grievous wounds to his torso and upper body, and even the loss of his right leg above the knee. All at the hands of the dummy plug controlled Unit-01. _No,_ Shinji corrected himself hatefully,_ at my hands… Unit-01 is supposed to be under my control… If I hadn't hesitated…_ He squeezed his eyes shut, trying unsuccessfully to stem the tide of tears as he remembered how Unit-01 had crushed Unit-03's entry plug, with Touji still inside. Then Shinji remembered the apparent death and miraculous survival of his friend and fellow pilot Rei Ayanami. A death that he knew to have happened, but was somehow averted by the technology NERV had at its disposal. He also remembered the disappearance, and probable death, of his friend and sometimes mentor, Ryoji Kaji. Then the disappearance and recovery of his fellow pilot Asuka Langley Sohryu; a girl he had very mixed feelings for, but whom he knew he cared for. A girl that now slept in a coma in the NERV Tokyo-3 Central Hospital.

Finally, his friend, Kaworu, had died. Only he had not been just another young pilot. He had been the seventeenth and, he hoped, final angel. He had not just died, though, he had been killed. A death that Shinji felt stained his own hands. He could still hear the sickening crunch of bones, and the squelch of internal organs. He could still feel the light resistance Tabris' body offered the hand of Eva Unit-01, and the slick greasiness his crushed body left on the Eva's palm. He could see and hear his friend's head falling into the blood of the crucified angel, Lilith. Shinji could still see the decapitated remnants of Kaworu's head dissolving in the vast pool of LCL as if he were still in Terminal Dogma, as if he were still in Eva Unit-01.

"God dammit!" he sobbed, feeling painfully alone. "Why did you make me kill you, Kaworu?" He looked away from his ceiling, to his doorway. Slowly, he stood, shuffling out of his room. He felt his tears gradually ebbing as he moved around, the energy spent on moving taking away from his ability to cry. He noticed that Misato Katsuragi, his guardian and commanding officer, was not home, as was normal lately. _At least she left a note this time…_ he thought, forlornly. He had read the note the prior evening, and knew that she would be home the following morning after five o'clock A.M., to give him a ride to the hospital to visit Asuka. He sighed, thinking back to when things were not like they were now; to the time when he knew he wasn't alone. "Why did you all have to leave me? I'm so alone…" he muttered, thinking about everyone he knew. As he remembered them, he forced his thoughts about them to all of the good times he had had with everyone he knew. After doing so, he felt a little bit better, but far from happy. He simply felt a little bit less depressed…

**Tokyo-3, June 3, 2015; 2:03 A.M.** South Bank Apartments, Apartment number 405.

"Mmnno… No…" A voice echoed throughout the roomy apartment, followed by the rustling of sheets as the apartment's sole resident moved around. Groggy and filled with fear, it was the voice of a person suffering a nightmare. The voice belonged to a young woman; her body was tangled in the sheets of her regular-sized bed; a luxury in Japan, even if it was just the mattress set upon the floor like a futon. She had once had roommates, but after the near total destruction of Tokyo-3, they had moved away. Thus, she was left living alone in a three bedroom apartment that would be considered rather roomy in a country like United States. She had long since thrown her bedspread to the floor in her dream-induced movements.

"Get away… Away from my sister…" The dream that caused her such trouble was of her past, a little less than a year prior. A time that she believed she had put behind her, though the time still haunted her in her dreams from time to time. Most of her dreams were shadowy, almost vague dreams, the kind that were scarcely remembered the next morning. This dream was one of the exceptions. "Why?" As the dream intensified, her speech became clearer, and her movements more vehement. She threw herself onto her left side with a low, angry moan. "Why are you doing this? I…" She reached towards the wall with her left hand, her hand held in a placating manner; it was as if she were trying to calm someone who was standing there. "No… Don't do…" Her right hand came up next to the left, crooked as if holding something, her left joining her right, clasping her right wrist.

"No… Please, don't… NO!" She lunged into a kneeling position, her eyes flying open, searching for the last thing she saw in her dream. As she fully came into wakefulness, she realized that she was in her apartment. Her left hand went to her chest, rubbing a spot just right of her lower sternum, her right arm supporting her. _The round entered four centimeters above the bottom of the sternum, two point five centimeters off of the body's centerline, _she remembered, mentally quoting the eerie thoroughness of her hospital report as a pained expression came to her face_. The nine-millimeter round continued through the chest cavity, moving laterally right to left, narrowly missing the right lung's primary bronchial tube, the heart, aorta, and spine. The round exited three centimeters lower and approximately three and a half centimeters left of the entrance wound, approximately one point five centimeters from the spine._

The way the report had been written made her feel as if it were from her autopsy instead of her trauma ward report. She shuddered at the memory. _The wound channel was narrow due to minimal bullet expansion, thus contributing little collateral damage to surrounding tissue and organs. Damage was limited to the wound channel, the cracking of two ribs and the mild bruising of three others, the right bronchial tube, and one vertebra. Had the bullet expanded more than it had, permanent damage to the internal organs would have resulted. The exit wound, due in part to the subject being flat against a gypsum board wall, was not much larger than the entrance wound. Also, had she not been against the wall, the exit wound would probably have done irreparable damage to her spinal column…_

She let the memory of the report fade, and slowly released her arms from around herself. The spot she had touched was mostly hidden under the simple sports bra she wore. Just a little of the smooth, pale white scar tissue was visible, standing out against her lightly tanned skin. _About three centimeters lower and three and a half centimeters left of the entrance wound… Just one and a half centimeters from my backbone… _She stood up from her bed, untangling herself from her sheets in the process. _I almost lost my sisters… My ability to walk…_ She looked at herself in the mirror over her low dresser. The sports bra and matching panties were the only thing she normally wore to bed, and were now soaked with sweat. She shivered in the cool air of her air-conditioned apartment, her nipples hardening. _At least the wound isn't too visible, even when I'm dressed like this,_ she thought, trying to use humor to lessen the impact of the dream.

_Not that it matters,_ she decided, then sighed, her shoulders slumping slightly in self-defeat. _I don't have anyone that will look at me, so no one will think that it's ugly, or to say that it doesn't matter because they love me…_ She looked away from her mirror, surprised by her last thought; she walked to her kitchen and turned on the tap, letting the water run until it was cold. _I wonder..._ She thought as she watched the water flowing from the faucet, then continued her thought, speaking aloud, "I wonder… Do I even _want_ to have someone feel that way about me…?" She shook her head, sighing as she did so. _I just don't know if I am ready yet…_

She took a glass from her cupboard, filling it as she looked out of her kitchen window upon the devastation that was Tokyo-3. Almost half of the city had been destroyed outright when Evangelion Unit-00 had detonated. Only about one third had been left intact after the area had been flooded by nearby Lake Ashino. The remnants of the city that had been damaged, but left structurally intact enough for restoration were going to be rebuilt, at least from what she had heard. As she drank from her glass of water, she realized that the standing remnants of Tokyo-3 _were_ being rebuilt, work going on as she watched. _They're working twenty-four hours a day to put the city back together, despite the rumors that it will be abandoned... I wonder if they will call it Tokyo-3 when it's rebuilt?_ She pondered this with a wry smile as she filled another glass of water and turned off her tap.

She finished her water, and put the glass in the sink, still gazing out the window. _Well, I don't want to worry about that right now, I need to get some sleep before work…_ She looked over at the clock on her microwave; seeing that it read two-oh-seven A.M., she cursed softly. _I've only had about two and a half hours of sleep, and I have to be up in two hours. I hate having to go to work at five, sometimes. Well, as long as I don't have that damn dream again, I'll get enough sleep._ She turned away from the window, absently rubbing the wound scar as she had earlier. Lost in thought, Kieko Yamada returned to her bedroom and straightened her sheets, not bothering with her bedspread. She pulled the sheets over her, leaving only her head exposed, and curled up, slipping into a dreamless sleep.

**Tokyo-3, June 3, 2015; 2:11 A.M.** Misato Katsuragi Residence.

Shinji walked down the hall leading to the other bedrooms in the apartment. He stopped at the middle door, the door to Asuka's room, thinking of her. Seeing the door, and thinking of the girl, he felt tears start to sting his eyes again; welling up but not falling. He blinked back the tears, and entered her room. It was much the same as it had been since she had left. He looked at the clothing strewn about carelessly, some trash lying about the base of the overflowing garbage bin and about the less traveled areas of her room. _It… It looks almost like Rei's apartment!_ He thought, wondering idly how the Asuka would take the comparison. _Probably not too well, considering how she felt about Rei…_ He concluded. Shinji took a closer look at the trash when he saw teen magazines torn and thrown in and about the small garbage bin. His eyes widened slightly when he realized that the magazines were some of her favorite teen girl magazines. He stooped down, picking one not near the trash pile up with a morbid fascination on his face. Surprisingly, it was an all-Japanese magazine, the written language of which Asuka had a terrible time understanding. It was still mangled, all of the pages ripped and torn, except for the pages of one article.

It was an article on relationships. The title of the story was "How to tell if **_THE ONE _**is someone you know (And whether or not you even know it!)". The article claimed to have a question and answer chart for girls to determine one's feelings that was over ninety-five percent accurate. Supposedly it had been created by a group of postgraduate sociologists from the University of Tokyo-2. The article was tear stained, and there was a section highlighted, with numbers tallying two different totals, surrounded by words in German, and what appeared to be a note in kanji written beside it, all written in black ink. The German was directly around one section of the article. He read the section of the article first, a quiz. The numbers were written in calm, even strokes, and the German words in angry strokes, as if in anger at the article. It rated attributes and feelings about someone and gave a total that indicated what the test taker may feel, and how much that person realized it.

He looked at the bottom of the article. It had two totals; one meaning how much a girl cared about the boy, the other about how much she realized or how oblivious she was to her own feelings. The area for the percentage had a total of ninety-six, indicating the percentage of caring. The second total had a negative and positive sign by it, and she had written an eighty-eight by it and had circled the negative sign. _Well,_ he thought with a small, honest bit of humor, _She was ninety-six percent sure she was in love with someone, and it was an eighty-eight percent chance that she didn't know that she was._ For a brief moment, he had a small smile on his face, but it faded quickly. _I kind of see why she was so angry, I wonder who it was that she felt that way about? Sure wasn't me, not the way she always acted..._ He did not dwell on it too much, as his attention was drawn to the other writing. He looked then to the Japanese lettering, the note, which spilled off of that page and onto the next few pages, the first of which was an advertisement for a fragrance of perfume. Though he couldn't understand the German writing by the article itself, he could, and did, read the kanji. What he read shocked him to the core. He read the note a few times silently, then aloud as if to convince himself that it was real.

"_Hey, Misato, if you find this, I want you to know that I had fun living with you. I know, you're probably thinking that I hate writing in kanji, and wondering why I did it here. I have to write this to you in kanji though. Because if I don't, I'll think about what I'm writing as I write it, not concentrate on making the kanji readable. Since I have to concentrate so much, I'll just write what I honestly think. Finally, I'll be honest about everything, so I hope that you don't mind if I ramble a bit. I'll just write it as I think it, OK? Hopefully you won't be drunk when you read it, but if you are, I hope that it makes sense to you and if not, it don't matter because I have no use anyway, right? Well, first, I'm going to be at Hikari's for a few days, then I'll go and die, now that I'm a useless doll. Hell, Misato, even Wondergirl is better than me now, and she almost died. I guess that don't make her as much of a doll as me, even though she still is one! But she's still better though, a better pilot. Better for, well, Shinji. Oh, dammit all to hell, I don't know why I just wrote that like that, but I know she's better than me and deserves what I couldn't get, right? I mean, she isn't beautiful like I am, but she is pretty I guess, and she's known him longer than I have. Oh, speaking of which, could you tell…_" he could make out the words 'the idiot', but they were scribbled out, as if she had thought better of the words. Tears also stained the area, making the note a little hard to read, but still quite legible. "_…Shinji that I'm sorry. Could you do that for me, please?_"

"_Did he ever tell you that I told him that I hated him and everything? I did it after the angel raped my mind. But I don't, I don't hate him. I know I'm always hurting him and always calling him an idiot, and because of that, I couldn't tell him, I'd just end up hurting him again, as always. I know that he likes me, though he probably likes Ayanami better. I mean the way he came out of that depression he got into when we all thought she'd died when Dr. Akagi called you and told you that she was still alive... That sure as hell show's that he loved her, doesn't it…? But he's better than me, just like she is, and he deserves better treatment than I'll ever give him, so I guess he deserves her, because she'll never hurt him like I do, right? And besides, I can't do that, I can't tell him, because he beat me over and over again, with Eva, with everything, and no matter what I feel or think, I can't admit it. Well, I mean I can admit it here, but I couldn't to his face, or anyone else's. He deserves better than that..._" Shinji could just make out the words "_Better than me_" through another set of scratch marks.

As he finished reading that section, he put the magazine down for a few moments. He realized that he was crying again. _She cared about me? She thinks that she's not good enough... But... But I thought that… She said she hated me… Hated everything…_ he let his thoughts trail off again, and went back to reading the note.

"_I was about to tear this article apart, you know. But you know what? I couldn't, because it was right… For once a girl magazine was right about me. Pitiful, no? Yeah, I thought so too. I thought it'd be funny to check myself when compared to Shinji. I wrote all kinds of nasty things, I'm sure you can understand them. I know that the people who did this are right though. The test is almost flawless; I know that from my college courses back home. All this time I thought I hated him, and now I don't know what to feel about him. I never took the time to look at myself, I was too proud to, and for a laugh I did it in this magazine without realizing it. I feel so stupid, looking at it now. I filled this out a couple of days before the fifteenth angel. So I knew when I went out what I felt. I mean, even Hikari told me a few weeks ago that it was becoming obvious that I liked him, but I told her that was stupid, and that she didn't know what she was talking about. I don't think I love him. I mean, I'm the devil herself, Asuka Langley Sohryu, I don't deserve love. I don't need love, I mean. Especially the love of a cowardly, perverted wimpy boy like him, right? That's all I thought he was, but, well, I don't know now. Yes, I do. He cared, even though I acted like a bitch who hated him, because he cared for me without me having to ask him to. I was scared, I was afraid he would take what he wanted and leave, but he just kept giving and giving. He wasn't a pervert, or a wimp, was he? I don't know, I just can't be sure._

_But it doesn't matter now, I'm going to be dead soon anyway. I'll be back with my mamma, so I hope that he finds someone better than me, and I hope that he does OK in life. Just don't go worrying about me, I'm useless, now that my Unit-02 hates me, now that I'm a failure. I'm really sorry, about causing trouble for you and Kaji. I miss him, and had hoped that he would come back before I went away, but… Good luck with him, Misato._"

Shinji was almost in shock from the general content of the letter. That Asuka had wished Misato and Kaji good luck, it was almost too much. _But… But Kaji's gone now…_ he sighed heavily, and closed his eyes for a moment, forcing himself to halt the flow of tears. After getting himself under control, he went on reading, "_I'm tired, and I'm going to stop now… I hope that no one cries for me, but I hope they remember me as a Pilot, as one of the Heroes of Tokyo-3. Make sure they do for me, OK Misato, please? And all the others, even that stooge, Touji. Don't let anyone forget, Misato. Thanks. Oh, and take care of Shinji, OK? I know he'll probably be happy that I'm gone, but if he tries to go off and cry, bonk him on the head and don't let him cry, OK? Don't let him waste his feelings on a worthless doll like me… Goodbye, to everyone. Sincerely yours, Asuka Langley Sohryu._

Shinji's voice seemed to echo in his ears as he came to the last two lines, his voice trembling and grief filled. He had not expected to find anything like this when he'd entered Asuka's room. He looked around, at the squalor that she had lived in for the few weeks prior to when she had run away. He could not believe that the once proud, beautiful young woman he had come to know had lived like this. He felt his heart sink, and felt his control ebbing, and he sat on her bed, putting his right hand out to steady himself. He felt something under his right hand, resting beneath the sheets. He glanced underneath, even while a part of him was screaming at him not to do so. It was one of Asuka's plug suits. It was folded neatly, almost as if it had just been removed from its package. Almost, because in the center left chest, precisely between the formed cup for her left breast, and the black lettering of "02", was an incision. It was about three and a half centimeters long, and about a half centimeter in width. The outer edges were straight for about a centimeter, and then they angled down to a point. The top edge of the incision was slightly jagged. He realized that it was the profile of a combat knife like the progressive knife his Unit-01 had. The incision was placed such that had Asuka been wearing her suit, the blade would have pierced her heart, and it seemed to have penetrated a bit into the plastic heating/cooling unit on the back; that was also what held suit batteries and the vacuum pump that allowed the suit to hug the body as tightly as it did. The suit was now useless.

He could feel the shape of the knife inside of the suit; he reached in and carefully pulled it out, almost expecting to see blood on it. It was clean, he realized as he inspected it, but it looked sharp enough to have easily cut through bone. He got up and looked around for the sheath. Upon finding it, he carefully sheathed the knife, setting it on the nightstand beside her dresser. Then he sat on the edge of her bed, gingerly clutching her now useless plug suit and the magazine article to his chest. "Why?" he whispered, his voice almost inaudible, even to himself. He fell to his side, his head next to her pillow, as tears tried to force their way past his now tightly closed eyelids. He rolled onto his back, and drew in a slow, deep breath, and held the breath for a moment. He was trying, one last time, to stem the tide of emotions that were welling up inside of him from his simple question. It was a futile battle, considering all that had hit him in the last few minutes.

"WHY, ASUKA?" he shrieked, an anguished, lonely sound, as heart wrenching as a lost soul's call. "Why?" he asked again, his voice dropping from a pain-filled shriek to a more hushed tone. "Why couldn't you have said anything? Why did you think you had to die? I'm the scum, the one who killed his friend! The one who couldn't save you when you needed to be saved. You didn't do anything wrong, Asuka." He thought of all the times she had hurt his feelings, and even the few times she had done so physically. His voice had softened slightly when he spoke. "Not anything wrong enough to die for." He no longer cared if anyone, or anything for that matter, heard his plaintive cries.

He opened his eyes and stared at her ceiling as few tears flowed down his cheeks, and grief choked his voice. "I'd have forgiven you... All you had to do was ask..." his voice became small, like a young boy who was lost and had no where to turn. "I… I'd have forgiven you, even… Even if you ha-… Hadn't asked…" Then his voice dropped to the barest of whispers. "I… I _do_ forg… Forgive you, Asuk… Asuka… I forgive you…" Finally, the tears came to him in full force, his body shaking as he cried. He laid like that for over an hour, at first crying aloud, then silently as his voice became strained. He was holding the plugsuit and the magazine article as if they were Asuka's very heart and soul.

Slowly, though, the sobs faded, and then ended altogether. He sat slowly, and gently laid the plug suit and the magazine article on her dresser. He looked around at the once orderly room. He slowly moved through it, and started to clean it up. He put dirty clothing into the hamper in the bathroom, and clean clothing in her dresser. He cleaned the trash up, and emptied the trash bin. He changed the bedding. He then folded the plugsuit, as perfectly as she had, but without the knife. He placed the article from the magazine on her pillow, and the ruined plugsuit directly below her pillow. He looked at the room, and he made a decision to see Asuka later in the morning. Though he knew about her condition, he still had not gone to see her at the hospital. _Maybe she'll wake up... Even if it's to hit me or call me an idiot… I don't really care, as long as she comes back from wherever she is in her mind… _He thought, feeling hopeful.

Looking about one more time, he noticed a few SDAT tapes he had moved while tidying up her dresser top. Curious, he picked one and random, slid it out of its case, and put it into his SDAT player. He was surprised that it was a heavy sounding industrial group. He looked at the name of the band, and the album title. "Rammstein: Herzelied". He listened to it for a few minutes, and was surprised to find himself liking it. It was very different, and much louder than the jazz, classical, and pop music he normally listened to. The heavy, sometimes depressed, sometimes angry sounds matched his mood, but seemed to keep him from falling deeper into his own miserable mood. They also seemed to help calm him a bit, so he decided to take it with him when he visited her later in the morning.

He went back to his room, to try to sleep for an hour or two before he went to visit her. _I need some time to think, so I'll be leaving at around four... I'd better leave a note, since Misato did…_ he thought idly, lying down and preparing to sleep. After a few minutes of listening to the music, he started to drift off; as sleep started to finally overcome him, he thought of the course of the song currently playing, track four. It was a fast paced song, with a driving bass line and fairly intense guitars, but it was not as dark as the other songs he had heard so far. He glanced at the display on his SDAT to get the track number, noticing that the batteries had only a few more hours of playtime left. _I'm going to have to get new batteries soon…_ He thought idly, and then looked at the track's title on the album case. _"Asche zu Asche"… I wonder what that means, anyway… _He pondered this as he finally succumbed to sleep. _Oh, well… At least the song sounds good…_

Shinji's sleep was troubled by wispy, unmemorable dreams, but not nightmares such as the one he had experienced earlier that morning. Had he known the translation of the album was "Heartache", or that song was "Ashes to Ashes", or had he known of the song's content, he might have had a much more troubled sleep...

**Tokyo 3, June 3, 2015; 2:29 A.M.** Detention Center, Isolation Block

_That bastard!_ The woman lying on her back cursed to herself. She was in a dark, simply adorned cell. She felt quite uncomfortable on the simple, cold metal bench, even with the thin pad that covered it. Of course, it did not help that she had only had about three hours of sleep in the prior fifty-three. The metal bench was anchored to the wall by bolts. It was held up by bars that angled out from the wall, attaching to the outer edges of the bench's head and foot. The only other adornment in the cell was the NERV logo on the wall, its red fig leaf and lettering barely visible in the dim light that filtered through the grating covering the cell's view port. _I can't believe him, even after nearly a month he still has me stuck in here._ Doctor Ritsuko Akagi made a fist and slammed it futilely to the mat underneath her. _Why? Why the hell am I still here? Are you still angry with me for getting rid of all your other dolls?_ She laughed bitterly, attracting the attention of a nearby guard, who made his way over to look into her cell. _He should thank me for destroying all of those lifeless husks,_ she thought, bitterly. _Now he has to give a damn. But I bet you won't give a damn, will you, Gendou?_

"Hey in there; calm down!" The guard ordered. "Your fate is being decided by the commanders. You can laugh or scream or whatever the hell you want to then. But until then, keep it down, got it?" He looked in on the woman in the cell. She had not reacted to his statements, and appeared to be asleep. As such, he had a fairly unobstructed view of her shapely, attractive body. He looked upon her in her simple dress pants and blouse, mentally stripping her clothing off her. He let his gaze linger for a moment longer than he realized, and the woman in the cell snorted a laugh at him.

"You know," she said, without looking his way, her voice surprisingly sensual as she spoke to him. "If you take a picture, it'll last a lot longer." She sat up, and turned to face him. Her face was annoyed, but also bore an edge of hatred as cold as liquid helium. When she spoke, her voice held a note of almost amused indifference. "If you're going to get horny and fantasize about a woman you're watching in a cell, I would suggest keeping your breathing down." Her voice took on a note of enthusiastic sarcasm, sounding almost innocently sincere. "That way, you may actually get a promotion. _Then_ you can watch them from the comfort of the monitoring booth."

"Bitch!" he spat, "Show some respect, or I'll…" He flinched involuntarily as she erupted to her feet and rushed the cell door, almost spitting through the grating as she slammed her palms on either side of the port.

"Do absolutely nothing!" she shot back, an angry, almost maddened tone in her voice. "I may be here in this cell, but I might still be needed." She gave him an innocent smile, her eyes widened in seeming shock, her voice going soft and innocently seductive, "And what would happen if I got hurt, or taken advantage of while in my cell and I couldn't do my duties if I'm needed again…" Her face took an amused, hateful set, her voice turning angry, dripping with venomous, intense loathing. "What would happen to the guard on duty when they found me, and found out that he was the one who had done it? I would honestly hope, if I were in your place and something like that were to happen, that they would _just_ kill me and dump my body someplace…"

The guard had never seen such venom or hatred in someone's eyes before. He backed away from the cell, stammering an apology. Ritsuko turned, walked calmly back to her bench, and sat down, a small, satisfied smile on her face. _Looks like we do share some talents, eh Gendou? Maybe that's why we were so good in the sack together. _Her face fell back into the vaguely angry, yet generally neutral expression that she had been wearing when the confrontation with the guard started._ But that's all I was to you, wasn't I. Just a convenient place to get rid of the physical needs you had so you weren't distracted from your work…_ She laid back, crossed her arms behind her head, and closed her eyes. _Or from Rei..._ Slowly, as she let her thoughts wander randomly, a calm, dreamless sleep overtook her.

***************

So, how did you like it? Please feel free to review it! Although I prefer honest and/or constructive criticism to outright flames, I can take either, so… In case you're curious about the inspiration of this fic, the song that inspired this is Ozzy Osbourne's "Mr. Crowley" (from his "Blizzard of Ozz" album, if you're curious.). I noticed the similarity that the song's subject, the late British diabolist, Aleister Crowley, and NGE's resident megalomaniacal widower, Gendou Ikari have to each other. Thus, this fic was originally going to be a songfic. Soon after I started to write it, a friend of mine asked the question "What if there had been another angel, or if Shinji had met a girl, or had a girlfriend, would he have been the same way at the end?". I wondered that as well, and thus, this fic was born! I know, I know, old concept, but hopefully a somewhat new twist on it with my fic... ^_^

Anyway, I will be putting the chapters up as fast as I can, basically as time and work permit! I have to thank my pre-readers, Alnilam, lepermessiah1113, and Arucard the Rogue Vampire. Also my former pre-reader, Pyper, who had to stop because of a bad case of Real Life! ^_^ He's the one who initially gave me the inspiration that took this from a 2500 word song-fic to the monster of writing that it's become!

Well, enough rambling from me! Have a good one, everybody!

-Ciao for now!  
Kriegsherr


	2. Chapter 2

****

Disclaimer: Studio Gainax owns Neon Genesis Evangelion. Any other name, or product, are registered, trademarked, and copyrighted by their respective owners. Should they, or their affiliates, request it, I shall remove this fan fiction from the Web. Thank you.

" " : Indicates spoken words.

__

italics : Indicate thoughts.

] [ : Indicates radio transmissions.

****

Aberrant Impact

Chapter 2

****

Tokyo-3, 2015; 3:34 A.M. Rei Ayanami Residence.

The young woman lies sleeping in her apartment. She lay atop of her sheets, wearing a slightly rumpled school uniform. She was laying on her left side, her left arm partially under her. Her right arm was pulled close to her body, her right hand flat under her cheek. Her light blue hair framed her face, a face that looked older than her fourteen years. She is Rei Ayanami, and she is dreaming. Not an unusual event for most people, yet it is not normal for her. Rei does not normally dream, and this is one of the first times for this body. This body is, in all actuality, the third body for the soul that was housed within. She sees images of herself within her dream, of herself speaking with another, that is like her, yet not like her. She also sees memories of herself, and even feels the emotions accompanying those memories

Those were not memories that this body remembered, however. Many of the memories of her second body's experiences remained, yet most possessed no emotions with them. Nothing to make the memories anything more than images held in her mind. She moved in her sleep, rolling over onto her back, and covered her eyes with her forearms. Her voice called out weakly while she slept, as if speaking to someone. "Why are you here? What do you need me for?" Her body, while mostly still, moved slightly, as if she were trying to wake herself.

"I will tell you when you awake, Rei. For now, I must attend to another matter..." From the shadows of Rei's apartment, a shadow moved, and took on a vaguely human shape. It was covered by a flowing cloak, and wore what could be mistaken as a plugsuit were it not made of a nearly sheer, gossamer fine material. The suit covered being's body wherever skin would have been visible under the cloak, and a veil like mask obscured the face from full view. The voice was that of a young woman, soft and distant, bearing a comforting, almost soothing tone to it. The being moved forward, lightly touching Rei's forehead with a cloth covered hand, and brushed a few strands of stray hair from her face. She then leaned down, her voice growing quieter as her lips approached Rei's ear. "I will return, and I promise to answer you. Until then…" Her voice faded to the point that only Rei could hear, if she were awake. And even though she slept, Rei did seem to hear the voice, and began to drift into a deeper slumber. As the being brought her head up from Rei's ear, she kissed the young woman on the forehead, and said as she departed, "Sleep well, my child. Sleep well..." The being stood fully, and moved back into the shadows, seeming to sink into them. She made no sound as she left.

****

Tokyo 3, 2015; 4:49 A.M. Ruins of Tokyo-3, Internal Communications Bus B-23-ITT, NERV Defensive Structure 35

"Ow, dammit! Why did we have to go for the lowest bidder on our internal networks?" asked the annoyed woman to no one in particular. She was shaking her hand as if it were on fire. _Yeah, that one was definitely shorted!_ the woman, Major Misato Katsuragi, thought. She narrowed her light brown eyes in exasperation, groaning a sigh as the interface connection she was checking sparked once more and died. She shook her head, her hair swayed as she did so. Her hair was cut to between her shoulder blades, and very dark, so dark it shone with purple highlights in the glare of her car's headlights. "OK, so _that_ interface is out!" she remarked, defeatedly. _What other ones remain?_ she asked herself, determinedly. _OK, four, five, and seven are dead, that leaves, _she thought, looking at a interface plug chart she had been given, _Numbers nine and twelve…_ She consulted the timetable of when the circuits would be in diagnostic mode, giving her an easier time forcing a back door into the MAGI computer system, and looked at her wristwatch. _Twelve is dead, and nine only has seven minutes remaining… I hope that seven's my lucky number, and if it is, I owe Makoto big time!_ She checked for line integrity, and a happy grin lit her face. She proceeded to patch her laptop into the network interface and ran the program that Kaji had giver her, letting a short, happy yelp as the program successfully breached the MAGI database defenses. _OK, I'm in! Now to find that damn file…_ She started the search utility, looking through the database for the top secret documents she needed, quietly urging the search utility to work faster.

"Oh, c'mon you piece of junk, you can work faster than _this_, can't you?" she asked the laptop. As if in sarcastic response, the database's intrusion countermeasure system kicked back in just as the search program found the data. As she began to download the file, the security program opened a window on her laptop, warning her that she was attempting to access high security information in an illegal manner. "Oh, shit!" she exclaimed loudly, as a voice chat window opened on her laptop _Great, not only do I get caught, the tech on duty is trying to tell me to stay put! What next?_

"Major?" whispered a familiar voice over the voice chat window, full of concern.

"Makoto? she whispered back, cautiously. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Saving your ass Major!" she smiled at his statement, and felt almost flattered that he was sticking his neck out like he was. "Maya knows about what we're doing, she found out last night."

At this revelation Misato's heart sank a little bit. "How much does she know?" she asked, feeling rather nervous.

Makoto sighed, sounding like he was bracing himself for something. "She asked me to come to her office, and told me she knew I was helping you. I told her everythi…"

He never had the chance to complete the word, as Misato yelled at him over the voice chat. "You did _what_?!" Makoto didn't answer for several seconds, and Misato could hear the rustle of clothing, giving her the impression that he was looking around to see if anyone heard her yelling at him over the chat window.

"Would you keep it down, Misato, there's nothing to worry about, she's on our side, OK?" he said, sounding as exasperated with her as she had been with the failing interface that had shocked her.

"Sorry!" she whispered, sincerely. "I hope so, because this could get the _both_ of us shot." He cleared his throat, indicating that he already knew that. Misato felt guilty for putting him in that position, and she knew that now there was nothing she could do if either of them, were caught. It was different when she was doing this alone; now that the man she considered a friend and coworker was involved, she felt that she had to protect him as well. _Why is he so willing to help me? Well, I owe him really big for this one!_ she thought triumphantly as the download finished.

"Well, anyway, her office is secure, and I told her what we were doing, and she offered to help. I've known her for a while, when she says that she can be trusted, I believe her!" he said, vehemently.

Misato smiled; she trusted his judgment. "Look, Makoto, I trust her, just be careful, OK?" She thought about the last few minutes, and her face softened into a relieved smile. "Sorry I jumped down your throat a minute ago, I just didn't expect to hear that while in the middle of downloading top secret documents!" she laughed as he grunted non committal agreement. "I owe you big time, remind me of that when this is all over, OK?"

"Will do, Misato!" he replied, now laughing lightly as well. "I'm going to tell Maya that it was just a system bug, she knows what's going on, so she'll back us on it." Misato's smile widened as she heard Maya complaining in an annoyed manner about the systems giving false alarms because of the damage to the city.

"Well, I have to get out of here, I told Shinji that I'd take him to see Asuka today. Take care, OK?"

"You too, Misato, you too." Makoto said as he disconnected. Misato unplugged the laptop from the communications port, closed the laptop, and walked to her car.

She hummed a song absently as she approached her car. She removed her keys from her officer's jacket pocket, and opened her car door, sliding behind the wheel. She set the laptop down on her passenger seat, making sure it wouldn't go flying around her car. She looked around, and seeing no one nearby, started her blue Renault, and peeled out of the area at high speed. She was heading for one of the remaining roadways that was intact enough to drive at high speeds on, and proceeded to do so. She got her vehicle to a speed of two hundred and forty-five Km/h, and decided to cruise home at that speed.

****

Tokyo 3, 2015; 5:23 A.M. South Bank Apartments

"Oh, dammit, I hope I'm not going to be late!" said an agitated Kieko Yamada as she stepped out the elevator of her apartment, running for her car. The car was a late model Subaru WRX. The small, econo-car based sports car was dark blue in color, sporting large wheels wrapped with low profile tires, slightly lowered suspension, and an aerodynamics package. She deactivated the alarm on the car with a touch of her finger on the keyfob hooked onto her keychain. She knew that the security here at the hospital would not allow her car to be stolen, but having lived in Kyoto 2 for most of her life, where vehicles _were_ stolen, she had gotten into the habit. "Yeah, sure, Hikaru, 'We're celebrating Matoko's marriage, silly! We'll be over at Mari's until her boyfriend gets off work, then you can take me home and you'll be to bed before ten!'…" She said, sarcastically. "Yeah, last time I listen to you, party girl! He wasn't off until almost eight o'clock!" She did not truly hold her friend responsible, as she had enjoyed herself a good deal. She was merely annoyed at waking up so late. "At least I didn't get drunk like you did!" She laughed, remembering how she and her friend's roommate had helped Hikaru up the stairs to her apartment.

Normally, she would have been on the highway, almost to the vehicle escalator that would carry her car down into the Geofront, to the TOKYO-3 NERV Central Hospital, where she worked. However, she had been at her the apartment of her friend Marisa with four other friends until almost nine o'clock the prior night. She had had trouble sleeping, though, and had stayed up until almost eleven thirty studying her doctoral courses. The nightmare she had suffered had not helped, either. Although she was fully rested, she had woken up later than normal, and was thus on the verge of making herself late. _OK, if I can catch the escalator by around forty-five after, I should make it soon enough to clock in on time…_ She smiled, knowing she would have to be moving at a good clip on the highway, and would have to avoid some traffic, even with the significantly lower population of the city.

__

Not that it matters too much now, considering that there's basically no one here in Tokyo-3. she mused sourly, sliding behind her steering wheel and starting her car. A smile took over her face, and her mood brightened some as she heard the muted whine of the turbocharger over the low rumble of the exhaust. She was suddenly aware that there was a fairly high charge of adrenaline in her system at the prospect of the twenty-seven kilometer drive to work. Not that she was truly a speed junkie, however, she did not mind the occasional excuse to push her car a bit, and she felt the roads should be clear enough for that, with so relatively few people remaining in Tokyo-3. Since the detonation of Unit-00 on the northwestern outskirts of Tokyo-3, almost all of the nonessential personnel had left. Even the apartments that she lived in, which were several kilometers from the outside of the blast, were only at about half occupancy; that had slowly started to change, though, with the threat from the angels presumably over, or at least lessened, if rumor held true. The only ones left in the apartments matched what was currently in the city in general, with essential personnel, such as NERV headquarters operations, security, and hospital personnel, like herself. Not so much seen in her apartments, but still in the remainders Tokyo-3, were ones working on vital construction jobs, NERV and UN military personnel, and ones working in the various support positions for the city and it's remaining people, such as cooks, custodial, and sanitation personnel. That meant that the streets of Tokyo-3 would be mostly clear of traffic, even with it being a time that quite a few people would be heading to or from work. Compared to how the streets had been, however, the streets would seem mostly deserted, with only the occasional clump of traffic to slow her on her way to work.

"Not something I would want to do," she remarked aloud to herself, noticing a youngish man in a NERV Central Hospital custodial employee outfit, as she finished her prior train of thought. "But I guess we all do what we have to do, to get paid… And his is just as important as mine, in a way..." She chuckled at her own musings as she lowered her palm to the gear selector, and rocked it to the right one time. The electronics of the gear selector told the car's sequential manual transmission to shift into gear from neutral, but to keep the clutch engaged until her foot released from the brake and she was starting to move. When she heard the faint click of gears engaging, her smile widened. At this time of the morning, she felt the main highway should be clear enough for her to make it on time for work. She eased out of her parking space, and made her way down two levels to the street. She turned right and after a few blocks, turned left onto the highway onramp. As she drove up the ramp, she selected a song from her CD player that would be conductive to speed. She cycled through the CD's in the stereo system's CD changer, and settled on a track from a CD that her American friend and fellow nurse, Marisa had given her. The song was "Basket Case", by a band called "Green Day". As she pulled onto the highway, she pushed the accelerator to the carpet, flicking up through the gears, soaking in the feeling of being pushed back into her seat.

The blue sports car accelerated quickly, achieving a speed well in excess of two hundred kilometers per hour in less than a minute. Kieko laughed, singing along to the song in her good, if heavily accented, English, thoroughly enjoying the rush. She glanced down at her speedometer, just long enough to gauge her speed. The larger set of numbers the needle pointed at read two hundred and forty Km/h, the smaller numbers indicating one hundred forty four-Mph. _Damn!_ she thought, slightly nervous and excited at the same time, _I forgot how this feels!_ She eased the car around a clump of traffic easily, the four lanes on each side of the road giving her plenty of room. She was starting to feel very relaxed when she saw two groups of traffic ahead of her, one in her lane, one in the other, and another car coming up on the opposite side of the road. The other car she saw was moving at least as quickly as she was. _I hope that one doesn't try to take any room away from me!_ she thought, slowing slightly, just in case. She saw the other speeding car doing the same, as they were both in the fast lane. _Well, at least the driver knows what the hell he's doing, he slowed down like me…_ she complemented, silently.

Suddenly, one of the slower of the oncoming vehicles pulled into the fast lane, forcing the blue car into her lane. "Oh, no… Oh SHIT! SHIT!" she exclaimed, as the rapidly approaching blue car swerved, trying to avoid both the other car and herself. The world slowed. She noticed that if she accelerated, she would have enough space to slip in front of it safely. She made out the make of the car, a slightly older model of Renault. When she was right beside it, she saw that the driver was a woman. She saw a flash of violet highlighted black hair, and a NERV Operations officer's jacket. She also saw that the woman was cursing the other driver, giving her an appreciative, thankful glance with a thumbs up, and avoiding her, in the expanse of time that it took for them to pass each other. As she straightened her car out, she slowed for a moment, to calm herself. _It's a good thing she's as good a driver as she was, that would have been horrible…_ a wan smile touched her lips, and she said aloud, "I'm glad I'm not too shabby myself!" After a moment, she picked up her pace again, hoping that no more incidents like that happened.

****

Tokyo 3, 2015; 5:43 A.M. Site of the explosion of Evangelion Unit-00.

Shinji stood at the lake that filled the crater formed by the explosion of Rei's Eva Unit-00. He looked out, seeing the irregular edges of the lake near him, shapes that used to be houses, apartments, and shops. He had woken up not twenty minutes ago, and was planning on walking to the nearest decent point into the Geofront. He knew that he would have trouble bringing himself to see Asuka, in her current state, but he felt that if he came here, it might calm him enough to do so. He was a little calmer, but now he found his thoughts wandering to the girl that had, for all intents and purposes, sacrificed herself to save his life. He remembered that so time so clearly, every detail, down to when Misato had been called by Dr. Akagi, who had told her that Rei was alive. _But you aren't the Rei I knew, were you…_ he thought, sighing in remembered pain. "I wish I could make things right, again. But I… I'm just a boy. Just a usele… A useless, cowardly little boy…" he said, sounding pitiful. He turned away from the lake, his thoughts wandering aimlessly. He made his way for the nearest working monorail that would take him down into the Geofront, to go and see Asuka. He did not see the shrouded, vaguely human shape that detached itself from the shadows, and stood in the spot he had just vacated, watching as he dwindled into the distance.

__

You may have the chance to make things right sooner than you think, young Ikari… the shape thought, deep in contemplation. _It all depends upon the decision young Ayanami makes._ It sank back into the shadows, disappearing from view, making no sound as it did so.

****

Tokyo 3, 2015; 5:51 A.M. NERV Central Hospital Parking Area.

Kieko jumped out of her car, hurriedly locking it and activating the alarm from her keyfob. She was cutting things close, in her opinion. After the high speed blast on the highway, she had let the car run on the entire trip down the vehicle escalator, and then for an additional two minutes when she got to the vehicle garage for NERV Central Hospital employees. She liked to take good care of her car, and considering it was turbocharged, that meant letting it run for a minute or two to let oil circulate through the turbo, cooling it so oil did not coat the bearings with sludge. As she walked, fast paced, from her car, she looked at her watch. _Early by almost ten full minutes!_ she thought with satisfaction, a slightly charged expression on her face. _Except for that damn blue Renault, the trip was smooth as glass!_ she thought happily. She made her way over to the elevator that would take her to the floor she worked on, almost giddy. She felt her face fall completely as her stomach grumbled at her. "Oh, great! I'm going to be hungry until lunch comes around…" she muttered to herself, a glum, annoyed expression taking over her features.

The expression didn't last too long, however. "I can't believe you, Kieko!" She smiled happily as Marisa, a tall, slim, yet busty American nurse that worked in the same ward, called out to her, "You're still locking your car up? You know that you don't have to here at the hospital…"

She smiled and waved at her friend. "What do you expect, Marisa? I'm from Kyoto, and my car would be a prime target there!" she laughed, as she called the elevator to go up to their floor. She looked back to her friend, and her smile widened. "It's not like you to be so close to being late, Marisa! You're always here early so you can get breakfast at the commissary! What brought this about today, hmmm?" she asked mischievously, thinking it probably had something to do with the woman's boyfriend, whom had recently asked her to marry him. Kieko entered the elevator and held it for her friend.

"Oh, not much…" Marisa said evasively as she rushed into the elevator. When she was sure that no one else would enter, she beamed an almost lecherous grin to her younger friend. "It's just that my boyfriend cooked me breakfast this morning" she said as the elevator door closed, pulling the collar of her nursing uniform away from her neck a bit, revealing a dark brownish red splotch on her neck, with another just visible by the collar bone. The effect of following the marks was that it drew an imaginary line towards her full, firm breasts. Her smile widened a little, and she winked, "After a little bit of early morning exercise…" she added, letting her voice trail off suggestively.

"Don't let the head nurse see that, she wouldn't like that being so close to visible, you know." she joked, laughing slightly. "So I take it you said yes to his proposal?" she said, her expression changing to all seriousness, hiding that she happy for her friend.

"Of course! Who wouldn't say yes to a man like that?" she exclaimed, shocked that her friend would think anything else. When Kieko giggled slightly, she looked at her friend, annoyance on her face at the young nurse's ability to sound so serious. The elevator stopped at the commissary floor, letting another of the nursing staff they worked with on. Marisa was laughing now, as she glanced at her friend, saying in an almost huffy manner. "Y'know, I _hate it_ when you do that!"

"When I do what?" Kieko asked, her voice and face neutral again.

"Use your damn poker face! At least, that's what I would _presume_, considering I never see one of you laughing when the other isn't!" said the newcomer, with a small smile on her face

"Yeah, but you girls wouldn't have it any other way, would you?" she queried, smiling again. At the positive responses from her fellow nurses, a mischievous gleam took to her eyes. "Guess what, Hikaru?" she said to the third occupant of the elevator.

"What?" Hikaru asked, turning her attention to her friend, her own eyes mischievous. "Did you finally get a boyfriend?" Kieko barely kept her face straight at the unexpected question, but some surprise, and a little bit of hurt, showed through her mask. At Kieko's almost pained expression, Hikaru looked down slightly, "Um, sorry if I hit a tender nerve, Kei…"

"No, it's all right!" Kieko interrupted, blushing at letting her emotions show so openly. "Its just that my last boyfriend and I didn't separate on the best of terms is all…" she said, giving them a half truth. Although both of the women in the elevator were her good friends, neither had known her for more than six months. Both of her friends looked around, trying to avoid her gaze while she regained her composure, and embarrassed at the conversations turn of events. Kieko took the moment they gave her and composed herself; then, smiling as if nothing had happened, she startled both of them with a giggle. "No this doesn't have _anything_ to do with me, Hikaru! Miss 'I'll always be single!' over there said yes to her boyfriend last night…" she said, and stole a sidelong glance at Marisa, "and then again this morning when he made her his breakf-…"

She couldn't finish her statement however, as a strangled cry of protest came from Marisa. "Kieko! Don't go telling everyone about-!" she stopped, realizing that her friends were laughing, and she felt annoyed, exasperated, and amused at the same time. Instead of yelling at them as was her first impulse, she decided to join them in their mirth. As they ascended, then clocked in to work, they slowly changed subjects from personal to professional, for which Kieko was grateful. Thanks to the nightmare earlier that morning, the memory of her last boyfriend had hit her harder than it had in the last several months.

She sighed, as they separated to their various tasks, wondering why that was. It wasn't like she tended to dwell on things, especially the past. Still, she did feel as if the day would end up being a good one. To combat the memories, she focused on her work. She managed to get ahead of her workload quite quickly, and soon found herself walking towards the nursing station, to fill out her morning reports, almost twenty minutes sooner than normal. It was helpful that a few of the patients had gotten healthy enough to leave the ICU ward since the day before. That was a fact that always made her feel better, and this day, it helped to reinforce her feeling that the day was going to be a good one…


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Studio Gainax owns Neon Genesis Evangelion. Any other name, or product, are registered, trademarked, and copyrighted by their respective owners. Should they, or their affiliates, request it, I shall remove this fan fiction from the Web. Thank you.**

" " : Indicates spoken words. 

_Italics_ : Indicates thoughts. 

] [ : Indicates radio transmissions. 

**Aberrant Impact**

Chapter 3 

**Tokyo**** 3, 2015; 7:46 ****A.M.** NERV Central Hospital Intensive Care Ward, East Wing, Section Four, Nursing Station Four. 

As she performed the menial task of data entry, Kieko Yamada felt her mind trying to focus on other things. Normally she did not allow herself to get too deep into introspection, at least while working. However, she was ahead in her work, and decided to allow her thoughts to wander a little bit, though she made sure that her work was being completed accurately. She had a slight, satisfied smile on her face, remembering her appointment to this position. She had gone to a NERV sponsored college, before she was even out of ninth grade. She had been put through an accelerated curriculum, getting a full graduation certificate by the age of sixteen, and becoming a registered nurse by eighteen. 

Her smile widened, remembering how she'd reacted to her older sister's suggestion at trying for the NERV medical scholarship. "Oh, c'mon, Sis, I'm only fifteen! Why should I go for a _college_ scholarship? I'm just in ninth grade!" she had said, not realizing how her life would change when she had allowed her sister to talk her into it. She had had excellent grades in school, in the top three percent of her class. That had been a requirement for the scholarship, as well as being young and open minded. She had been blessed with both qualities, though, at least when she was younger, she got nervous at times, especially when it came to her own abilities. And, although she was a fully registered nurse, a notable accomplishment for someone at her age, she was also studying to become a full doctor of intensive care. 

That was why she was in her current position. NERV had offered it to her for two years, partly so she did not get burned out on schooling, as well as to see if she could handle the stress of an actual hospital environment. She was happy to say that she could handle the stress. _I guess things are looking up for me, with all the stress of how things have gone in the last year, with the angels and all the people coming into the hospital... Even with all the hell in my personal life in the middle of last year..._ She leaned back slightly, stretching out the kinks that had started to develop in her forearms from the typing. 

She went back over her last thoughts, and brought her arms back down, almost mechanically, staring blankly at the screen in front of her. She didn't like thinking about what had happened the prior fall. Too many painful memories would come to her, when she did. Memories about the return of the angels, and about what that had done to her last relationship. _Why did that have to happen? Why was it necessary?_ she questioned herself, as she began to once again enter information into her computer, hoping the mechanical motions of the most boring aspect of her job take her from her memories. She knew it would only help a little bit, but she had to, when the memories came to her like this. _Couldn't I have found a better way? Did it... Did it have to end like that?_ She sighed, rubbing her eyes briefly with her palms. _I guess with that nightmare and all, I had a little bit more taken out of me last night than I thought..._ With that thought, she tried to force herself back into a more professional mode of thinking. It helped, at least a little, to push the memory from the forefront of her mind. _Besides,_ she thought with a slight amusement, _Iyume__ and Kyoki would be quite angry if they knew that their big sister was dwelling on that!_ Even though it didn't interfere in her life anymore, the moment of pain that she had had to endure to keep her family not only whole, but safe, still hurt. In fact, at times, it hurt immensely. However, as she thought of her family and the better part of her life, the memory faded to the back of her mind. In fact, she had largely forgotten the memory when a scheduling announcement came over the public address system. The announcement was particularly annoying as she was directly under a public address speaker, and the person using the system had the volume turned up to a fairly loud level.

**Tokyo**** 3, 2015; 8:05 ****A.M.** NERV Central Hospital Intensive Care Ward, East Wing, Section Four 

A tired, weary Shinji Ikari walked through the Intensive Care Wing of the NERV Organization's Tokyo-3 Hospital, making his way towards a nursing station. His tired eyes seemed to barely focus on anything, and his rumpled clothing gave the impression of having been slept in. All in all he appeared to be completely unaware of his surroundings. That would be an incorrect assumption, however. He was quite aware of his surroundings as he walked along the hallway; being the Third Child, he had been trained to be more aware of things than most people. The apparent lack of awareness is the fact that he knows the hallways of this hospital better than a boy who had just recently turned fifteen should. Being a pilot of Eva Unit-01, and fighting against the powerful entities know as the angels, precluded injuries. In fact, he had been in this section of the hospital several times since becoming Unit-01's pilot. He stopped in his walk along the hallway, and looked out of a window, into the vast expanse of the Geofront. Surprisingly, most of the damage that he and the other two Children had done to the Geofront during their battle with the fourteenth angel, Zeurel, had been cleaned up. 

He leaned forward, resting his hands on the cool, even, surface of the windowsill. He continued to look out, though he was in actuality focusing on everything around him at that moment. The hallways of the hospital were very utilitarian; clean, white, and devoid of ornamentation. He drew in a breath through his nose. The sharp tang of alcohol and other purifying agents and the cloying odor of various industrial cleaners caused his nose to wrinkle slightly in distaste. Other odors were present as well, barely noticeable to him. The stale, sickly smell of old blood commingled with the smell of new blood and other bodily fluids from the trauma ward just down the hall. 

He glanced around from where he stood, then back down the way he had been going, almost scrutinizing the area. He saw a "Caution: Wet Floor" sign on the left side of the intersection ahead of him, the floor beyond the sign wet and glistening from being mopped recently. He noticed how the sill his hands rested upon was clean and free of the dust that normally inhabited such places. He was about to continue on to his destination, when his ears picked up upon the sounds of a nurse walking down the hall. Her shoes almost soundless on the linoleum, except for the occasional faint squeak the shoes made on the clean, almost pristine floor. He heard the life monitoring equipment in one of the nearby intensive care rooms. The constant beeping of the electrocardiogram and the ongoing rush of sound of from an oxygen line, as well as the quick, efficient movements of the nursing staff, lent a strange, unsettling cadence to the atmosphere of the hospital. 

"I hate this place..." he sighed, letting his breath out slowly; his voice sounded almost lost in the echoless, sound dead hallway. His observations over, he continued on towards his destination. As he did, his thoughts then centered on one point, one question. _If you hate this place so damn much, then what are you doing here, Ikari?_ the young man asked himself dubiously. He knew the answer, there was no doubting that. He was here to visit someone, to visit a girl that he knew. A young woman, more accurately. A young woman named Asuka Langley Sohryu. A young woman that he had very mixed feelings about. A young woman that he knew only one thing about for certain. He knew that he cared for her, and he did so with surprising strength. He could not understand, let alone explain, the reason he felt this way, even to himself. He just knew that he cared. He tried not to seem to be so deep in thought as he approached the nursing station for the intensive care area, managing to succeed, for the most part. 

He came up to the counter of the nursing station, seeing a young nurse entering information into a computer terminal, her back to him. He was just opening his mouth to speak when he was interrupted by an announcement that came over the hospital's public address system, which seemed to have been turned up to an annoying level. "Sections Two and Three of the East Wing will be closing at six P.M. today." the announcer spoke, her voice sounding bored. "The staff has been requested to finish their work by approximately four thirty P.M. Thank you." 

**Tokyo-3, 2015; 8:14 A.M.** Rei Ayanami Residence. 

The young woman lying on the bed in apartment four-oh-two slowly awoke from her sleep, feeling a presence. Rei Ayanami slowly sat, then looked around the bedroom of her apartment, attempting to divine the source of the disturbance that woke her from her sleep. _I... Was dreaming?_ She felt a slight sense of both wonder and, to her surprise, fear. _Why did I dream? What was the purpose? Why was I awakened from it? Why does it make me feel fear to have had a dream? I do not like fear. It is... Disagreeable..._ She had no immediate answers for her questions. However, she felt that the presence that woke her could have the answers to her questions. She pondered what it was, and what it could want with her. _What is this? Why is it so... Familiar?_ she pondered as she continued to glance around. Her eyes alighted upon the glasses that she had found in her nightstand drawer, now sitting on top of it. She picked them up, almost absently, as they offer her a strange kind of comfort. As she did so, she determined that the presence was not in her bedroom, but somewhere in or around the combined living and kitchen area. She stood from her bed and made her way out of her bedroom, her school uniform slightly rumpled from having been slept in, but otherwise looking as if she had recently donned it. 

She stepped cautiously, yet purposefully into the living area of her apartment. She noticed that there was an unusual shadow, just inside of her bathroom. Many people would not expect her to notice such a fine detail, as she did not seem to notice anything beyond her direct surroundings. Rei is, however, a very observant young woman, her almost blood red eyes noticing details that some professionals would fail to notice. She stood where she was, not truly fearful, but concerned, none the less. "Who are you? Why are you hear?" she asked, her voice a calm monotone, pausing briefly. When she spoke again, a slight hint of curiosity was audible in her voice, "You the one that caused me to dream?" 

The figure moved forward, revealing the same entity that had visited Rei's apartment earlier in the morning. She was still shrouded by a flowing cloak, her body covered by the same gossamer like body suit and veil as it had been before. The being nodded in conformation, and she spoke to Rei, who felt an almost familiar comfort in hearing the voice. "Good morning, Rei Ayanami." 

_This being is... A woman?_ Rei asked herself, and realized as she did that she did not fear this being. The being felt very familiar to her, though she could not place how. The last time she had confronted a being anything like this had been the angel, Tabris. Tabris had been different, however, with a subtle malice to his presence. This being seemed to her to be truly neutral. _Is she an angel, or...?_

"I am sorry, Rei, for interfering with your sleep in such a way." Her voice was honestly apologetic, and sincere. "I know you fear the images that come into your mind when you sleep, as did your second incarnation..." Rei felt curious as to how this being knew she hated dreaming, or that the second version of herself had as well, but she felt the question could wait for a time. Rei simply nodded in conformation to her statement. She did not like to admit it, but she did sometimes fear the dreams that came in her sleep, and she used her strong will to keep herself from dreaming. Except for this night, and she lacked the knowledge of why she had not felt fear, or why her will had allowed the dream to happen. Other than perhaps it was this being who had caused her will to slide that little bit, so she could dream. The dream had been pleasant, even with the implications this being and her own role in Third Impact could be different than she had always been told. Still, it had not been like her normal dreams, dreams filled with familiar images that were unfamiliar at the same time. Images with no emotion attached to them. "Do you remember the dream?" again, another nod from Rei. "Then you know why I am here..." 

"Yes," she replied simply. "You are here to decide the path of humanity..." 

"No..." the being answered emphatically, shaking her head. "I am to follow through with the wishes of those who will choose such, at the allotted place and time. You will be one of them, as I have told you in your dream." Rei again nodded at the being's statement, and lowered her head, as if in thought, because she knew the purpose she was created for, and felt that there was no real value to such a gathering. "You will need knowledge your soul does not currently posses, however." 

"I will need knowledge?" she asked, then realized what the being had meant. "Yes, I understand. I have no true knowledge of life. Therefore, I could offer no meaningful contribution to those deciding humanity's path, other than what I was created for." Rei closed her eyes, as emotions boiled inside of her, emotions that she had no understanding of. _Why am I angry? Why do I feel grief? I find this lack of knowledge to be disagreeable, can that be the reason for these emotions? I do not know... I know of my past, yet I do not feel my past, all I have are the vague images of the past. I have emotions, yet no connections from my emotions to the images... The images, they are just bare and lifeless, with no real meaning. Lifeless like me, like a doll. I do not want to be a doll..._

An almost angry scowl spread across Rei's face, and when she spoke, it was with anger in her voice, "I am no one's doll..." The vehemence in her own feelings and voice surprised her. Rei felt a few tears flow from her eyes, startling her. "Why am I crying? I have lived for several weeks, yet I do not understand why I would cry." She looked fully at the being, who had moved into her living area from her bathroom. She floated for a moment above the floor, perhaps a quarter meter, then descended towards Rei, her cloak billowing about behind her. She set down about an arms length from Rei. . Her body was very fit, with strong yet supple curves, a lithe, taut musculature, and smallish breasts that gave the impression of a gymnast. Rei felt almost unnerved looking at the being, as she felt almost if as she were looking in a mirror. The only difference being that although Rei was standing straight, she merely stood as tall as the being's eyes, and she could not see the being's face through the veil. 

"The innermost part of your soul knows why, it remembers, yet the emotions are hidden deep behind the barrier of your soul. Your dreams can take you to this place, to allow you to experience your past, to know it as intimately as if your mortal vessel had never changed." The being's voice was soft, yet it bore an unmistakable weight of what she was offering. 

"If I do this, could I not become like Pilot Sohryu, lost within my own mind?" Rei asked, concern slightly tingeing her voice. 

"You have a will that is strong, you will not become trapped within your mind." the being replied with surety, as if she had expected Rei's question. 

"Yet Pilot Sohryu has a strong will as well." Rei stated, her monotone voice betraying no hint of her thoughts. "Should she not have been able to keep herself in reality, instead of becoming trapped by her memories?" 

"Pilot Sohryu... Had a strong will." the being's voice was soft, regretful, as if she were hurt emotionally by the suffering Asuka had endured. "She was a prideful girl, however. Her pride had taken many blows, the easy defeat by those who were my brothers Bardiel and Zeruel..." the being before Rei seemed to shudder slightly, as if crying in sympathy for Asuka. Rei was unsure of how to react to this display of emotion, of sympathy for a human. 

_She said that they _were_ her brothers... What does she mean by that?_ "You are an angel?" Rei asked, though she had suspected such since her first questions. 

"At one time, yes, I was an angel..." The being looked down, as if in thought. "Yet that was a long time ago. I am now here to do something other than what I was brought to do. I have become something all together different, since I was an angel, I have become more human. I am similar to you Rei, in that I have human and angel DNA in my physical makeup, yet I have not grown with other humans, so I hope that I may be able to make my soul fully human. So no, I am _not_ an angel... Does it bother you that I show sympathy for a member of humanity, whether I am angel or otherwise?" Rei shook her head, not knowing why, yet feeling as if she could trust the being, angel or otherwise. Neither did she feel fear of the being. "I am glad you feel this way. I am sorry for what the ones that were my brethren have done. I am especially sorry for what Arael did to Sohryu. That was... Unnecessary. She did not have to be forced to endure that pain. She _should not_ have been forced to." Rei noticed blue light emanating from the cloak, shaped so that they appeared to be eyes. Rei was surprised to see the eyes within the cloak were hooded, as if the being were crying. Rei barely heard the being whispering as she once again looked down, as if in thought, "I tried to stop Arael, I tried to help you stop her, but I couldn't. They controlled me too well..." Rei looked upon the veil shrouded face and was honestly surprised to see tears staining the fabric. "If you do not wish to know of your past, I will... I will refrain from giving you the memories of your past, if that is what you wish." The being looked back up, the eyes still hooded, but a they seemed to hold a sad smile now, as well. "Though I would enjoy seeing your soul shine with the brightness it had once started to, ..." The being floated closer, her right arm partially outstretched, yet shrouded by the gossamer suit she wore. 

"You say that you witnessed the brightness of my second body's soul. How is it that you were able to? Are the angels not brought into existence at the time they appear?" Rei asked, puzzled. Her confusion was evidenced on her face by a slight downturn of the inside of her eyebrows.

"Some of us existed since the rebirth of Adam. Tabris, Zeruel, Sachiel, myself... We were brought to the mortal coil only waiting for our time to show ourselves. I was... Originally, I was here on earth in a spirit form. I was drawn to this place, the Geofront, where I was trapped. I have been observing you since you were first... Conceived." The being's voice dropped slightly at the last few words, her voice hushed, and gentle. As Rei contemplated this change, the being spoke again, her voice neutral again. "The main difference between them and myself, is that I do not seek to rejoin with Adam... I seek to protect humanity, like you do... Like you... Like _we_ did..." As she said the last few words, her tone barely a whisper.

Rei thought of asking what she had meant by the last statement, but she felt that another question needed answered first. "Which were you? Sachiel was the Angel of Destruction, Zeruel was the Angel of Strength, and Tabris was the Angel of Free Will. I would like to know what one you were supposed to be" 

The being's eyes slowly changed from their hooded, grieving manner, to having an almost open, honest set to them. "I do not remember what purpose I was brought to the mortal coil for. I do know however, that I am no longer an angel." she said, her voice adamant as she spoke, "I will help the ones gathered at the allotted time and place decide humanity's path. I _can not_, however, proceed without you choosing to remember your past. I truly wish to let humanity choose where it will take itself, not to take that choice from them." The eyes seemed to soften, as if a warm smile came to the being's unseen face. "That is why I offer this choice to you." 

"Why do you choose me?" Rei asked, her voice neutral and emotionless once again. "Why am I required to do so? Is it similar the purpose I was created for? Am I to be a doll for yet another..."

"No, dear child, nothing like that..." the being interrupted, her tone almost horrified. "I would _never_ force that upon you. You will be a full participant in the decision if you choose to remember. Otherwise..." She let her statement fall off, which told Rei that it would change nothing if she chose to remain ignorant of her past.

I am... Frightened, to think of knowing these things. I would like to know, yet to learn so much, to become whole, in such a short time... I do not know if I could withstand the change." She looked back down, watching her tears fall from her eyes, to spatter off of her hands, and the glasses they held. "I do not even know if this is allowed to one such as myself..."

"You should not fear your past. The memories that your soul hides are your true memories, Rei Ayanami. They are a part of your soul, memories with emotion, not lifeless images and disjointed, unexplained emotions. If you do not choose to remember them now, some of the memories will come, but they will be incomplete. They will leave you with little choice in your path. I am offering you the choice of finding your _own_ path. Of helping to forge _humanity's_ own path..." She took a step closer to Rei, and lay a hand on her shoulder, her voice softening slightly, "As for whether or not it is allowed to you... Rei, you are as human as any other person you know, no matter that your DNA structure is half angel, or that you were created. Your _soul_ is what determines this, your soul still has human qualities within it, even after being reintroduced into the mortal coil as it has! Take my hand, and I will open your mind to your dreams, and prepare within your dreams the path to your hidden memories. I will let you reunite you with yourself, and make your soul whole once again." The being looked down again, as if offering a choice she did not want to offer. "Or tell me that you would like to stay as your are, and events will follow the path they are currently on. I bear you no grudge either way."

As the being removed her hand and stood back slightly, Rei thought about what she had been offered, with the dream She shuddered involuntarily as the enormity of the offer hit her. Rei opened her mouth to speak, then she looked down, at her hands, and the tear spattered glasses they held. "I would very much like to know why these make me feel comfort, sadness, and even anger, all at one time. Yet I am afraid." her voice, while once clear, and with no hesitation, faltered when she came to the last statement. "So afraid..." her voice was barely a whisper, yet the being heard her as if she had spoken clearly. 

"I will not bring harm to you, Rei, no matter the path you choose. I promise you this." The eyes were still cast as if the angel were smiling at her, and she felt the angel was telling her the truth. "If you choose to take my hand, you will fall into a dreaming sleep, of the memories and of the emotions of your past. Neither will you will not see me again until the allotted time, in the allotted place. I have other duties to perform. If you do not take my hand, you will not see me again, and I will cease to be on the mortal coil. I will send Tabris, the one who will open the chosen path in my stead, and the path to the Third Impact will go on as it is, unabated, and unperturbed."

"I... I must take a moment to decide." she said, the barest touch of nervousness in her voice. She felt her control returning as she reigned the emotions in, her tears ebbing to nothing, and her face returning to it's former monotone. 

The angel's eyes narrowed slightly, as if in humor, and a very feminine laugh, emanated from the cloak. "If you must, to make your decision. However, do not take too long, as I am only allowed in your presence for..." the angel looked off into nothingness, as if looking at a clock, and turned back to Rei. "...Until your clock reads forty-five minutes past the hour." 

Rei nodded, understanding the shortness of time she had. _Only six minutes to decide._ She closed her eyes in contemplation her head lowered. She thought of the memories as she now knew them, and how they could be different with the emotions attached to them returned. She knew of one memory she had that held emotion, the emotion of anger. _It was not long after Pilot Ikari had been taken into the twelfth angel... _She remembered how Asuka had tried to hide her concern over Shinji being absorbed into the angel by blaming him for it, when she had been just as responsible. She remembered, vaguely, how there had been an anger welling within her, barely contained by her will. Anger at Asuka's comments about first Shinji, then asking if she was angry. _I had asked her if she only piloted for the praise of others... Everything was tinted in red, the color I-... The color... I hate..._ Her remembrance came to a halt, her eyes widening. She had her answer for the being standing in front of her, and the time was eight thirty-five A.M. "I would very much like to know... To remember and experience everything. Yet, what you offer me is frightening, more frightening than my dreams. Even... Even more frightening than the purpose of my creation. I... I have decided..." Her tone was almost apologetic as she spoke. She raised her head, sighing, and looked into the being's eyes, with a small, almost regretful, smile.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Studio Gainax owns Neon Genesis Evangelion. Any other name, or product, are registered, trademarked, and copyrighted by their respective owners. Should they, or their affiliates, request it, I shall remove this fan fiction from the Web. Thank you.**

" " : Indicates spoken words.

_italics _: Indicate thoughts.

] [ : Indicates radio transmissions.

**Aberrant Impact**

Chapter 4

**Tokyo 3, 2015; 8:22 A.M.** NERV Central Hospital Intensive Care Ward, East Wing, Section Four, Nursing Station Four. 

As the inordinately loud message came over the public address system, Kieko Yamada turned away from her terminal, looking up at the public address speaker over head in annoyance. As she turned back towards her computer terminal, she noticed Shinji, and turned to face him, looking up from where she sat. Her voice was polite and cool, and her face conveyed professional concern as she spoke to him. . "May I help you, Sir?" She stood as she asked him the question, mistaking the haggard look on his face, the wrinkled white dress shirt and black dress slacks, and the worry lines around his eyes as belonging to an older man. He hesitated at the honorific, taken aback and needing a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing, as he was not used to being addressed that way. He became aware, as he gathered his thoughts, that she seemed almost as taken aback about something as he was, and that she wasn't too much older than he was.

"Are you all right?" she asked, her young voice still calmly professional, but reflecting the concern that had crept onto her attractive face. She took the moment that his hesitation gave her to look at the young man in front of her. _He's a lot younger than I am first thought._ she observed, slightly embarrassed. She took in his almost defeated posture, his stress haggard face, and the dark, slightly puffy, red rimmed eyes, and couldn't help but feel empathy for him. _Around fifteen, I guess. He looks like he hasn't slept in days… Cute though, even if he is younger than me…_ She had a nagging feeling that she had seen him before, but could not place him.

"I… Um, I, I'm fi-, ahm, fine, really…" he stammered, in an attempt to quell the concern he saw on her face. "Sorry, I- I'm just… Just a little tired is all." Try as he might, he could not stifle the hesitation in his voice. He had been a bit nervous because of why had come to the hospital. He was now even more nervous as he realized that the nurse was an attractive young Japanese woman. Her face was attractively proportioned, having a cute, petite nose, thin, yet perky lips, a delicately pointed chin, and high cheekbones that enhanced the expressiveness of her deep, subtle brown eyes. He also noticed that the nursing uniform subtly accentuated her athletic, somewhat busty figure. _Why did I notice that _now_ of all times?_ he wondered, almost frantically.

She smiled at him, her smile making her seem unaware of his hesitation and nervousness. She hoped that the smile would calm him down a little. _Yes, definitely cute!_ she thought, feeling relieved to hear that his voice was less haggard than the rest of him. _His voice seems a bit raw, though… Almost like he's been crying or yelling…_ She considered his puffed up, red rimmed eyes, and decided on the former, her face softening a little. She hesitated briefly, not sure whether to call her head nurse to take a look at him, or to just accept his current state. "Are you sure?" she asked tentatively, looking into his deep, cobalt blue eyes, searching them for any deception. She did not know why, but as she looked into his eyes, making sure this boy was in all actuality all right was suddenly very important to her.

He smiled hesitantly, being surprised at how he suddenly he felt very relaxed, especially with her smiling and looking at him as intensely as she did. _Why should her smiling affect me like this? Not even Ayanami smiling at me made me feel so… So relaxed, so comfortable…_ he thought, feeling a little nervous. _But I _do_ like it…_ When he spoke, his voice held much more assurance than he felt, "Yeah, I'm fine. I… I'm just here to look in on a friend… I don't know what room she's in, though…" He wasn't sure why, but he felt his smile widening, touching his face, even his eyes. He wasn't sure why he smiled at her like that, he just knew that it felt right to do so. As her looked at her, he noticed how the smile she gave him seemed to light up her entire face, especially her eyes. He realized that her eyes seemed to be locked onto his, as if to discern whether he was being honest about how he was feeling.

For her part, as Kieko gazed into his eyes, she believed him. She felt that it would be nearly impossible for him be dishonest, with the way his eyes so easily expressed his inner feelings. She found that she liked that, and the pure expressiveness of his eyes. She was attracted to his shy honesty. As well as what she felt to be a very cute, almost handsome face, a face she felt would only become more handsome. She blushed slightly, as she realized what she was thinking. Now she was the one to be embarrassed by her thoughts, as she felt drawn into the seemingly infinite depth of eyes, and put at ease by his at first shy, then openly honest smile. She had rarely seen a smile that was of such pure emotion before; she suddenly felt a brief stab of jealousy at his mention that he was meeting a woman. _Stop that! He isn't even sixteen yet, and you're almost nineteen…_ she chided herself. _Of course, that didn't stop mother and father, and they had been _five_ years apart when they met!_ She looked into his eyes for another long moment, realizing that she probably seemed to be staring at him. _Admit it, you like him already!_ the less than professional part of her mind replied matter-of-factly. _You've barely even met him, you silly woman, why in the name of all that's sacred are you jealous of him seeing someone that probably isn't even awake?_

With her last thought, she felt a little bit guilty; however, she couldn't help but feel a little bit of jealousy at the woman that had the luck to have the attractive young man in front of her coming to meet her. _I could look into those eyes for hours, though…_ she thought, and she felt her own smile widening, and that it was quite a bit more open and natural than before. "What's her name?" she asked him, as she turned back to her computer. Instead of sitting down, however, she bent over her chair to use it. She looked back to him over her shoulder, ready to enter the name of the woman he was looking for into her computer, and tried to convince herself that she was not doing this to appeal to him. She had a hard time believing herself, not that it bothered her overmuch. She had not felt as relaxed with someone as she was with this shy young man for quite a while, and she rather liked the feeling.

"Sohryu… Asuka Langley Sohryu." He said, more relaxed than he had been in some time as she smiled at him. _Normally, I'd be a nervous wreck right now, but I'm not… I mean, I've just met her, why am I so damn relaxed?_ he asked himself as he realized exactly how relaxed he was around her. He would be the first to admit that he felt nervous around most women, especially attractive women like the nurse he was speaking to. He had no idea why he was no longer stuttering and blushing his way through his conversation, but he was quite happy that he wasn't. He looked at her as she bent over her computer, and he couldn't help but to admire what he saw. Another shock, as he did not feel ashamed in doing so. He felt almost as if it were the most ordinary thing to catch a glance of her shapely, toned derrière.

As these thoughts crossed his mind, a small part of him wondered if she could be doing that on purpose, if perhaps she were interested in him. _She's older than you, you idiot, she wouldn't go for you because you're too young!_ he scolded himself sternly. _Anyway, why would she be interested in a fifteen year old?_ he thought derisively, _And a cowardly, sniveling wimp of a fifteen year old at that!_ His mood started to darken, and a slight frown crossed his face. _Besides, if she knew what I was, what I've done, she'd hate me completely, wouldn't she…_ He looked down at the floor, lost in thought and feeling ashamed, and now more regretful than before, as he contemplated the last few weeks of his life. A dark, brooding, almost grief stricken frown creased his features, causing him to look much older than his fifteen years.

The young nurse had known whom he was referring to immediately. The entire ICU nursing staff knew, at least by name, the pilots of the Evas. In fact, she had been here when the First Child, Rei Ayanami, had been admitted after a training accident with her Eva. She had even changed Rei's bandages a few times, while she had been in a coma. She knew that Asuka was in the First Cranial Nerve Department, undergoing continued observation due to "Mental stress and central nervous system damage caused by the fifteenth Angel". _He must be a classmate, or her boyfriend…_ she thought, as she looked the name up. She found herself hoping that it wasn't the latter. _Admit NERV personnel only?_ She looked back at him, and found him looking at the floor, a dark frown across his features. _Well, I have to break it to him, I just as well be honest…_ She did not, however, want to tell him. She could almost feel how sad he was, even though she could not see his eyes, as his hair covered them. That bothered her more than she would have believed, as even the thought of seeing those expressive, deep blue eyes clouded with sadness bothered her, as his eyes conveyed what he felt so eloquently. She felt distressed at his being this way, even though she barely knew him. _This'll probably hurt him, and then there goes any chance of getting together with him…_

She sighed softly, hoping that it had been too quietly for him to hear. _Why am I worrying about that, anyway? He's only fifteen and wouldn't be interested in an older woman anyway, right? _At her almost inaudible sigh, Shinji looked up, seeing her take in a calming breath. He did not know it, but she was bracing herself for what she was certain to be a string of curses and insults to come. "I'm sorry," she said, apologetically.

He was surprised at her tone, as she seemed to actually feel that way. _I wonder why she seems so worried?_ he thought, somewhat confused at her change in demeanor, and suddenly, unexpectedly, wishing he could relieve her of her worries. _But I'm just a boy, she wouldn't be interested…_

"I'm afraid that she can only get visitors if they are NERV personnel, or are accompanied by such…" Before she could even finish her statement, Shinji pulled his wallet out of his pants pocket, and removing his NERV identification card from within. She looked at him, her face belying her surprise that he worked for NERV, and then she looked at the name on it. _Ikari, Shinji, Personnel Designation: Pilot…_ she blushed slightly, as she finally realized why he had looked so familiar. _Damn, it would be my luck that he'd have to be the Third Child… Stupid girl, I guess I shouldn't have hoped that he would be interested… _she cursed herself, feeling angry and embarrassed at the same time. _I mean, he works with her, so it makes sense that he's seeing her. In fact, that's probably why he's here!_ She thought about what he had said, about seeing a friend. _I guess I just read too much into that, I honestly thought he meant _friend, _but he probably meant _girlfriend_… Damn, I feel so _stupid_ now!_ Even so, she kept her smile as professional as she could, not wanting him to know how she felt. _That's all I need, for him to think I'm trying to take him away from his comatose girlfriend…_ She felt her control slipping, and clamped down on her emotions as hard as she could. _Now _stop that!_ It's your own damn fault, stupid woman! She's his age, she's works with him, and he's known her a _lot_ longer than you! So don't go trying to do something stupid!_ She brought her hand up to her face, as it to rub her eyes in exasperation with herself, and presented her best poker face. "I see. Ms. Sohryu is in Room three oh three of the First Cranial Nerve Department" she said, giving him directions to Asuka's room. She then let a small smile come to her face, and regarded him apologetically. "I feel silly, I didn't even realize who you were, Pilot Ikari. Sorry about that…"

Shinji felt a pang of regret then. He saw her face change to slight anger, and he thought the anger directed at him. Then he watched her face become calm, even verging on friendly, and felt his heart sink. _Great, now she's gone professional on me… I guess she either knows about me, or I've hurt someone she knows…_ He felt his face fall, as the feeling the melancholy that had left him coming back with a vengeance. _Dammit! She probably wasn't interested at all! She was probably just trying to make me feel better… I'm such an idiot!_ He looked at her, and reconsidered his last thought. _No, she doesn't seem like that, I probably just hurt someone she knows…_ He felt anger rising to the surface, as he cursed himself angrily, for misjudging her like he just had, and at his father for forcing him into his position that had hurt so many people. His right hand slowly clenched into a fist, at his anger, seemingly of its own accord.

She noticed as his entire demeanor became downcast, yet with something more rising to the surface. _What brought this about?_ she wondered, concerned, despite her self directed feelings of anger. _He seemed to be so relaxed before… Now he seems so… I don't know…_ She looked at his downcast face, and saw his fist slowly clenching, and knew what she saw. _He's angry… Very angry…_ She was a little worried now, unknowing why he was like this, so suddenly. _I hope it's not at me…_ She spoke up, hesitantly, "Um… Are… Are you sure you're OK? What's wrong?"

"Huh?" he asked, feeling foolish as he did so. He realized that his fist was clenched, and that he must be showing his emotions quite openly. _Calm down, stupid! No need to scare her, she didn't do anything, you did!_ He looked up at her, seeing real concern showing through the neutral mask that she wore, and the fear in her eyes. _Maybe I'm wrong… I.. I should ask her if I hurt someone that she knows… Dammit, I don't know how to ask…_ He cleared his throat, looking at her, forcing his anger down as much as he could. "Ah… I-… I'm sorry, ma'am, I… Didn't mean to worry you… Um… I'm OK, no need to worry about me…" Kieko relaxed a little as he calmed himself, and he felt encouraged to go on. "I'm just… When I hear 'Pilot Ikari', and I'm feeling like I am, I… I just get to thinking about some of the things that have happened… People that have gotten hurt because of the battles with the angels…" His voice became small as he continued to speak, letting his feelings guide him. "I feel so helpless at times, and wish I could have done more… I don't like it when people get hurt, and I start to think I could have done better…"

"I'm so sorry, Pi… Um, I'm sorry, Ikari-kun!" Kieko exclaimed, interrupting him. _Oh, no, I've really done it now! I know I didn't know about it, but…_ she thought then, wishing for a way to make up for her ignorance. "I didn't know, and… I… I didn't mean to cause you any grief, I-, I'm sorry. I… Didn't realize that piloting could cause you so much pain. I mean you've done so much good, saving so many people… I knew that some people got hurt, but I didn't realize that it would…" her eyes looked down to the floor for a moment, as she was unsure of what else to say. "I know that it bothers you, but I'm glad that you were piloting Unit-01 against the angels… You made it possible for my two sisters and my mother to get to a shelter when the second one you fought came…" She hit an impasse as far as what else to say to him, so she went on, speaking the first thing that came to her mind. "I kind of understand what you mean, though… It's like when a patient dies here…" she rushed the words out, trying to let him know that she _did_ understand. "I feel terrible, because maybe if I'd done more, or been just a second earlier… I know that it's beyond my control, but I still worry about it." She looked down for a moment. Then she spoke softly, unaware that she had done so, "I sometimes have nightmares about it…"

He felt horrified as her heard her admission. _So I didn't hurt someone she knows? _he pondered, shocked, _She didn't have to tell me about her patients, either… Why did she? _He had no idea why, but he wanted her to know that it wasn't her fault for him being angry. "No reason to be sorry, ma'am." he stated, his voice calm and honest. "I, ah, I didn't mean to bring _you_ bad memories about the patients… Besides, you didn't know, _couldn't_ have known." His smile returned, but it was only a ghost of his former smile. "We just met, it's not like you'd know something like that! Asuka doesn't even really know I feel like that, and we've been roommates for almost a year…" His face fell as he mentioned the young woman. "We _were_ roommates… I wish this wouldn't have happened to her… We… Weren't really as close as we could have been, I guess... Every time we'd start to get close, we would argue, or an angel attack would put so much stress on us… She just didn't want me around, when that would happen… She was afraid that I'd hurt her, if we got too close, I guess. Still, I guess we were friends, and I…" his voice went quiet, as he spoke again. "I wish at times there could have been more, but we were just fellow pilots…" his voice dropped to a whisper, speaking what was on his mind, "I was too much of a boy for her, too boring…"

He took a deep, shuddering breath, and let it out slowly. He had to stop himself, as he felt tears trying to form, and he did not want to cry in front of her. He looked up at her, his face unreadable for a moment. "Um… Sorry… I- I'm… Sorry for rambling." He smiled ruefully, looking at the attractive nurse, not sure why he had continued, as she seemed have regained her composure; at least until she had started looking at him in shock. "I do that when I'm nervous. But I shouldn't lay this on you… Like I said, we just met, that's not very polite, is it? I don't want to take advantage of you, I… I don't like doing that…" His thoughts turned dark as he thought who that would be like, _I don't like being anything like my father…_

Kieko found that she had covered her mouth with her fingers, as if to stifle herself from speaking, shock in her eyes. She was surprised by his admission, finding it almost impossible to believe, that a girl would turn away such a handsome, caring young man. She was even more surprised by her own feelings, of concern for him, and of anger towards the red headed girl sleeping in the Cranial Department. _How could she be like that? He has so much concern for others, caring for her even though it sounds like she hated him… I would like to have the caring of someone like him… _"Well, Ikari-kun," Kieko said after he was finished, "I still apologize for bringing up bad memories." She looked into his eyes again, searchingly. _Should I ask him? I mean, he's younger, and he has so much to think about, I don't want to be a distraction. And I… I could fall in love with him, the way he seems… Do I want to risk that kind of pain again?_ When she spoke, her voice held a nervous quaver in it. "Um, sorry to ask like this, but I can't help but be kind of surprised, the way you were talking, it sounds like you're not going out with her, even though you're her roommate…"

Shinji did not know what to say at first. _Why is she wondering?_ He lowered his head, so his eyes were hidden by his hair, and contemplated how to answer her. As he did, he stole a look at her through his the lowered bangs. _I mean, she can't be interested in me, right? I'm not old enough, and I'm a wimp and everything… I guess I should just tell her the truth, though. I mean, it would be the right thing to do, right? After laying all my problems on her like that, it's the least I should do…_ He looked up, a neutral expression on his face, "No, like I said, we're just friends… And, to be honest, that _is_ stretching it a little bit, after the last time we talked to each other, but, still…"

Kieko was happy, though she felt a little guilty at the way she asked him. "Oh, I see." she said, somewhat anticlimactically. She felt her face brighten, and a smile take to her face. "Well, I'm sorry to hear that you and her don't get along as well as you could. Urm, I…" she stopped, feeling more nervous and a touch excited, not knowing where the latter emotion came from. "I hope you don't mind me asking, but I know that you don't like being called _Pilot_ Ikari…" she started, giving him an apologetic look at using his obviously hated title. "So what do you prefer, Ikari-kun, Shinji-kun," she paused, giving him a nervous, but honest, smile, "or do you like just being called Shinji?"

"Um, well, ah, Shinji would be fine!" he stammered, seemingly in a rush to get his words out. "Or Ikari-kun, or, well, uhm, or whatever seems better to you… Ah, ahem…" he had tried to hide his surprise at the question, but failed miserably, drawing a laugh from both of them. "Ah, there's no reason to feel silly, ma'am Um… aahhh…" he blushed, realizing that he was referring to her as he would to Misato, and not sure how she would react to his next question. "What's your name, Miss…?" he asked, his question hanging in the air for a moment.

She suppressed a giggle as he stumbled over his words, feeling that would best not to at that point, and relaxed greatly, her smile becoming very warm. "My name is Kieko…" she said, her voice hinting at her being even more nervous at that point, "Kieko Yamada, just a nurse studying to be a doctor, and the only one of her friends still single, at your service…" She said, jokingly, and paused after what she said that, shocked at her bluntness. _Did I actually say that? Am I actually doing this? I hope I'm not making a mistake… _"Ah, do you think you'll be around later? After your visit with Ms. Sohryu, I mean…" At Shinji' affirmative nod, she continued, slightly rushing her words. "I have my lunch break, in a couple of hours," she paused for a moment, looking at the clock, "I start it at around fifteen minutes to noon." She blushed lightly, biting her lip nervously for a moment. "Um, would you be interested in having lunch at the commissary with me?"

Shinji was a bit surprised with himself, as he was pleased to hear that she was single. "First, it's a pleasure to meet you, Kieko Yamada," he said softly, looking into her eyes. "As for being free later… Um, I should be… I have no real reason be anywhere, ah, I mean… Um…" he blushed, glancing around, "If you don't mind, I'd like to…" he took a deep, calming breath, and let out a short, nervous laugh. "I, ah, I would like to, yes…" He gazed into her eyes, and beamed a smile at her. It was an open smile that left little room for interpretation.

She felt her heart skip a beat as he smiled at her with his open, honest smile again. _Why does that smile make me feel this way?_ she asked herself, as her own smile came back, lighting her face.

"I… I guess I should let you get back to your work…" a slight melancholy flowed over him, though his smile remained. He found that he wanted to talk to her more, something that he rarely felt, at least when it came to members of the opposite sex. He turned away to go visit Asuka, and started to walk away when Kieko called out to him softly, causing him to look back at her.

"Um, I hope that Ms. Sohryu is OK, Ikari-kun." she said, her tone sincere. "Have a good day." she added, as she noticed her fellow nurse, Hikaru, was walking by. It wasn't that she really cared who knew that she had been talking to, and even flirting with, Shinji, but she was loath to give her friend ammunition to harass her with during lunch break. Hikaru was busy with her work however, and passed with the barest of nods, turning down another hallway. Kieko looked back to Shinji, and murmured, just loud enough for him to hear, "And I hope to see you later?" She looked at him, making sure that she was looking directly in the eyes; she wanted him to see that even though she was nervous and uncertain about what she said, she meant every word she said. "I… I'd like that… I'd like to get to know you, Shin-chan."

Shinji felt several emotions hit him at once when she said that last question, and made that last, simple little statement. Happiness that such a pretty woman was expressing interest in him. Confusion over why she would. Fear, at how comfortable he had felt talking to the nurse, even with his nervousness. He was even more nervous at how she seemed to like him so easily. And the nagging impression of guilt that he was betraying Asuka, after what he had read in the torn magazine article. He gazed back at Kieko, seeing that she was awaiting a response, and that her slight smile was nervous, yet hopeful. Something struck him at that moment. Something that startled him to the core; he realized that he did not really care about his confusion, or his fear, or his guilt. He just knew that she was an attractive woman, and she would like to get to know him. She seemed willing to accept him, even when she had seen that he was a pilot, she just seemed to accept it without too much of the fuss so many other girls that he had met. He closed his eyes, and smiled his soft, hesitant smile again. _If I do this, there's no turning back…_ he thought, still not completely sure if he should say what he was about to or not, but committing himself to do so.

He took a fairly nervous breath, and replied simply, just as softly as she had, "Um, yeah… I think… No, I _know_ I'd like that, too, Kieko… Kieko-chan…" The last was said in the barest of whispers, so quietly that if Kieko had not been paying such close attention to him, she would have missed it. He opened his eyes, seeing that she was still looking intently at him, and felt his smile widen, as she seemed to accept his statement as truth.

He turned slowly and continued down the hallway, then turned right towards the First Cranial Nerve Department, room 303. _Why did you say that, you idiot! You just met her, you scared her, how can you be so sure you like her that much? Besides, it's bad manners…_ He tried to believe his own arguments against his feelings, and failed. _She called me chan first,_ he reasoned, _And she is cute, and I like her… So why shouldn't I say that?_ Although he was still feeling a bit melancholy, his mood was much improved as he walked along the hallway, feeling her warm smile following him until he had turned, which pleased him very much. _What's wrong with me, aren't I supposed to be scared and running away right now?_ He did not think that he wanted to, as he felt a connection with this girl that he hadn't with any girl before.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Studio Gainax owns Neon Genesis Evangelion. Any other name, or product, are registered, trademarked, and copyrighted by their respective owners. Should they, or their affiliates, request it, I shall remove this fan fiction from the Web. Thank you.**

" " : Indicates spoken words.

_italics _: Indicate thoughts.

] [ : Indicates radio transmissions.

**Aberrant Impact**

Chapter 5

**Tokyo**** 3, 2015; 8:33 ****A.M.**** NERV Central Hospital Intensive Care Ward, East Wing, Section Four, Nursing Station Four. **

Kieko watched him until he turned down the hall towards the First Cranial Nerve Department before returning to her work, her smile soft and happy. _Why were you so nervous, silly?_ she asked herself as she turned back to her work. _He's the younger one, he should have been nervous, not the both of us! Why was I so damn nervous? At least after he calmed down, you shouldn't have been._ She wasn't sure, but she felt that it was because he seemed so different than her boyfriends had been, especially on the first meeting. She felt something different with this young man. Something she had only truly felt once. She shuddered, as she remembered that time. Then she forced the memory to the back of her mind. _The past is the past and can't be changed…_ she thought, remembering something that her mother had told her when she was young. _But the future is ours to explore, with only our will to slow us down. Even if I don't know what he's like, I'd like to get to know him…_ Kieko smiled as she realized that she wanted to find out what he was like, and that didn't care what anyone thought of her for being interested in a fifteen year old boy. _Besides, he _is_ one of the Children, and the pilot of Eva Unit-01, he has to be more mature than most of those other guys I've been with!_ Her last thought caught her off guard. She looked at her computer screen, lost in thought for a moment. _Why so I suddenly feel so strongly about him? We've just met, after all! Why should I even be interested in him, mature or not?_ She could not understand it. She had not been in a relationship for several months, and even then, it had ended on a very bad note. She had said that she would not have another man in her life for years, if ever. Why had this boy struck such a chord with her?

_Does it matter? Mother always said _'When you grow up, and you feel the connection, just go for it! _Especially_ if he's fairly close to your age, and damn what other people think!'_ right?_ she asked herself as a small private smile came to her face; and she once again felt giddy inside, very much like when she had gotten out of her car earlier that morning. _He's cute, has a good personality, even if he's a little dour and depressed right now... Even if he _is_ a little easily embarrassed, he controls his anger well, and if someone listens, he's willing to talk it out so it doesn't eat him up._ Her smile widened, as she thought of why he had come to the hospital. _He cares about his friends, no matter what… _She almost laughed aloud as she thought that, the giddy feeling even stronger than before. _I hope I'm right, because I do feel that way, don't I?_ A soft, serene, and accepting smile lit her face. She tried to school her face so the smile was as neutral as she could make it. She didn't think that the smile would leave her face all day.

_Yes, I think I've already started to fal-…_ she stopped herself in mid thought, what she was about to say to herself hitting her like a physical blow. She realized that she had thought too soon, about how the day would go. She walked back to her chair, and sat heavily. Her happy face was now blankly shocked, all emotions, even her overwhelming giddiness, drained from her. Looking at her computer terminal, she saw that all her paperwork had left was to fill in a couple of check boxes and to sign her electronic signature to it. She did so, her movements stiff and mechanical. As she saved the document, her mind started to work again, her thoughts confused, and painful. _What am I thinking…? I said… I said that I'd… I'd wait, before I felt… Because of him, I… I didn't have a choice…_ She buried her face in her hands, her elbows resting on her knees, tears starting to stream from her eyes.

Kieko's body shook as she tried to hold grief filled sobs. She did not hear her friend Marisa walk up, face filled with concern for her. Marisa rushed to her friend's side, going to one knee to be fact to face with her friend. "Kieko" she said, softly, as she gently placed a hand on her friends shoulder. Kieko jumped as her friend touched her, barely holding a hand back that would have connected with her friend's face. "Hey" Marisa continued, ignoring the near slap, sliding an arm around Kieko's shoulder "Are you all right? What happened?"

Kieko forced herself to calm down, wiping the tears off of her face and smiling weakly up at her friend. "I'm fine, Mari…" she said, "I just had a lot of things hit me at once. Uhm… I'm caught up with my work, how bout you?"

Marisa looked at her friend dubiously for a moment, but found no reason to disbelieve her. "I was just coming to fill out my morning rounds paperwork, why?" she felt she already knew the reason why, yet felt it best for her friend to tell her.

"I was wondering if you could watch the station for a few?" she hoped that Marisa understood that she needed some time alone. "I, um, I need a couple of minutes…" She felt the emotions welling up inside of her again, and she looked at Marisa, her eyes pleading.

"No problem, Kieko…" Marisa soothed, "I can handle it, OK? You just go and take your couple minutes…"

Kieko gave her friend a thankful expression, and gave her a quick, fierce hug, and left the nurses station. "Thanks, Mari… I'll be in the restroom if you need me, OK?" she said simply, walking towards the restroom.

"OK, Kieko…" She looked at her friend a moment, torn over what to do, then added, "Hey, if you need someone to talk to about whatever it is…" Kieko looked back again, and smiled weakly, nodding, then turned back, and continued down the hall.

When she got to the bathroom, she checked to see if she was alone, and, finding she was, sat down in a stall. "What am I going to do? If I tell him, he may…" She once again brought her hands to her face. She managed to stifle her tears for a moment. _Why do I feel like this for you? I just _met_ you! I shouldn't feel this way, should I? I know I said I wouldn't feel like this again, not so soon, but…_ She looked up from her palms, and thought about what her mother had said, about following your feelings when you felt a connection with someone, and a sob escaped her, almost causing her to break down._ I, I can't feel this way, though! Because of him, I… I didn't have a choice… He made me, but still, I…_ She remembered Shinji's smile, and another sob escaped from her, and tears started to well up behind her tightly closed eyes._ Oh, Shinji, you_ can't_ be like him; you're better than that... I just know it, I _feel_ that you are. You're willing to give so much! _She thought about that, for a moment, and an almost overwhelming fact struck her, causing her to sit up, and take her hands away from her face slightly. _And you trusted me! _She mulled that for a moment. _You trusted me with your feelings about piloting… You barely know me, and you told me something I could use against you, just to explain why you were angry… _she thought wonderingly, _I have to do the same for him. I have to tell him, or I might as well not even think about trying to date him, or calling him my boyfriend…_ Her face hardened for a moment, in determination, her hands falling towards her lap.

"I'll tell him, I'll let him know…" she said, barely above a whisper, but full of surety and will. Then, unexpectedly, that will faltered, grief washing over her features. _Yes, I'll let him know… That I'm weak, that I can't protect my own family… Not without… _She felt the sobs return with a vengeance, and tears streamed from her eyes. Instead of trying to stop the sobs, she buried her face in her hands again, and let them flow out of her. Her body shook violently with each sob, and the restroom was filled with the sounds of her sobs; the sobs lasted for only a few minutes before she clamped her iron control back down on her emotions, to compose herself enough to leave the stall. _No, I can't do this here, not at work… I'll wait until later, after I tell him. I… _A few last tears flowed down her cheeks, then nothing. She walked over to the sinks and looked into the mirror. She was happy that she wore basically no makeup, as it would have run all over her face. She ran the cold water, and took a paper towel from the dispenser, padding the tears from her face. Then she wet the paper towel with cold water, wrung it slightly, and held it against her eyes, so the swelling went down, so she didn't look like she was crying. _I can't have him think I'm a crybaby when we have lunch now, can I?_ She smiled a very small smile to her reflection, satisfied that she looked presentable, and started for the door. _I hope that he understands, and doesn't run from me when I tell him… I don't think I could take that, if he did… And I really didn't have a choice, did? I'm sure Shinji will understand._

As she reached for the door to the bathroom, her last thought brought her to a pause. _He… He will! I didn't have a choice, I had to!_ she protested to herself, trying to convince herself of the truth of the thought. Then she spoke the one thought that had been nagging her, that had been at the edge of her thoughts since waking from her nightmare. Her voice was almost inaudible, even to her, "I… I still killed him…" She opened the door, and returned to work, as if nothing had happened.

**Tokyo**** 3, 2015; ****8:36 A.M.** NERV Central Hospital, First Cranial Nerve Department, Room 303

In room 303 of the First Cranial Nerve Department, the object of Shinji Ikari's visit is sleeping the sleep of the dying. She lay on her side, curled into an almost fetal position, as if all things were right with the world. In truth, though, she was suffering a horrid nightmare. A dark, vicious dream of her past, and the guilt she felt over the events of her past. The fact that she had moved from her position on her back that the nurses had left her in, even though in her fairly deep comatose state, gave proof to that. To anyone not knowing that, they would see that she is an attractive young woman, with long auburn hair, and a fit, athletic body, her apparent physical maturity belying her tender age of fourteen. Her title also bellied her age. She is Asuka Langley Sohryu, Second Child, and Designated Pilot of Evangelion Unit-02. She has been trained for most of her young life to pilot the huge machine called Evangelion Unit-02; to pilot one of the only machines mankind has been able to devise to defeat an angel. She has been like this since she was recovered from an abandoned house by Section Two. She had been contemplating suicide, as well as being on the verge of death. All because she felt that she was beyond her usefulness. After suffering from failing Eva synchronization scores, and losing two battles in a row to the angels, her scores had fallen quite low. The fifteenth angel had been what finally felled this once proud girl. The angel Arael had raped her mind, almost to the point of killing her. When she was recovered, she had been put in this ward for medical as well as security observation. Now she was in a coma, slowly descending into the depths of her own mind, slowly falling into the realm of death. Although she was alone in her soul's descent, she was not alone physically.

If she knew she was being watched over by another person, a young boy named Shinji Ikari, she might have been moderately embarrassed, maybe even irked. He didn't seem to care however, as he looked upon the side of the young woman's face, his young, handsome face lost in thought. He had been sitting there for almost forty-five minutes, thinking, looking back through his memories of the last several months. He had come to the city of Tokyo-3 at his father's behest, to pilot Eva Unit-01. He had almost refused, until his father had ordered Rei Ayanami, First Child, and Designated Pilot of Evangelion Unit-00, to pilot Unit-01. An energy blast from the third angel, Sachiel, had caused part of the Eva hanger to collapse, raining girders and lighting fixtures down upon him. Unit-01 had protected him by ripping its arm out of its restraints, and covering the cowering boy under its right arm. He had immediately gone to help the young woman, and upon realizing the extent of her injuries, had agreed to pilot Unit-01. He had been in Tokyo-3 ever since.

Over the next several weeks, he had gotten to know Ayanami somewhat. In fact, he had grown to know her to the point of being able to talk to her more than most other members of the opposite sex, and even to consider her a friend of sorts. At first, though, she had seemed to be cold, distant, especially in school. She lacked friends, and that bothered him. He had tried to get to know her a couple of times, but he usually ended up turning into a stammering mess of apology, to which she had just stared at him, seemingly uncomprehending his distress. That slowly changed, however. Especially after the day he had taken her new NERV identification badge to her. He remembered, blushing, how he had embarrassed himself at her apartment, so badly that she had left him standing in place, apologizing to the air. He had followed her then, all the way to NERV headquarters, where he had slid her new card through the magnetic reader at the gate, when her old card had not worked. She had shown emotion then, annoyance when he held her new card out to her after her several failed attempts to enter with her old card.

He also remembered how she had slapped him when he had told her that he didn't trust his father. That had shocked him so much that he had no response to her action. Soon after, the Fifth angel had attacked, and she had told him she would protect him. She had, and almost died in the process. When the battle was over, he had immediately gone over to her severely damaged Eva Unit-00, and opened it to see if she was all right, burning his hands in the process. She had been all right, but had not understood his tears at seeing her alive. He had expressed to her why he cried, and when she had told him that she didn't know what to do, he had suggested that maybe she could try smiling. She had, and he had realized just how beautiful she was. He had been so happy to see her smile for him; to be one of the very few people to have ever seen her smile like she had, to have that smile shared with them.

He had honestly liked her. _No,_ he thought tiredly, _No I didn't just like you… I think that I loved you, at that point in time…_ He sighed, rubbing his sleep deprived eyes with the palms of his hands. He still smiled though, remembering how he had watched her when he could; in school, especially during gym class when the girls were swimming; during synch tests, when she was wearing her skintight plug suit; whenever he didn't think someone was looking. He remembered how he would admire her petite body, with its supple, lithe musculature, and how her smallish breasts perfectly accented her gymnast's body. He had longed to touch and run his fingers through her sky blue hair, to stare into her disconcerting, mysterious, but still beautiful eyes. He was still intrigued by her eyes, even after all that had happened. Eyes that were a red almost as pure as blood. To his way of thinking, even though she was only fourteen, she could easily be considered by someone to much older. Especially when she spoke; her voice tended, at least to his ears, to have a rather husky, mature texture to it, not the young, sometimes overly girlish voice of most of the girls from his class. Ad to this her almost feline grace, and economy of movement, and she just _seemed_ to be so much older to him. His smile saddened as he looked down at the girl in front of him. _Yes, I did love you Ayanami… But that changed, in time…_ Unbeknownst to the young man, his right hand clenched and unclenched convulsively.

His thoughts darkened then, his face changing to match his mood, his smile changed, turning angry as well as saddened, as he thought back to the battle with the sixteenth angel. She had died, destroying herself and the sixteenth angel in the conflagration that had been the collapse of her Eva's core. At least he believed she had died. He had seen her several hours after the explosion that had decimated Tokyo-3. When he had seen her, she had changed. So much so that she seemed to be another person all together. Even she had seemed to believe she was someone else, as she had called herself the "Third". Then, days later, Dr. Akagi had shown to his guardian and commanding officer, Misato Katsuragi, and himself something horrifying. She had shown them the some of the secrets in Terminal Dogma. She had shown them the Eva "burial ground", where all of the failed Evas had been left. Then she had shown them Rei's re-birthing chamber… The chamber that held all of Rei Ayanami's hundreds of clones, clones that contained the DNA of his mother, and other DNA. Thus, he had been given the proof that the Rei Ayanami that he had seen at the hospital had not been the Rei Ayanami he had known.

He hadn't asked what other DNA she had in her. He had already had enough to deal with. Such as the rapidly decaying psyche of Asuka. He had met the now sleeping young woman in front of him a few months earlier on the U.N. Pacific Carrier Task Group Carrier USS _Over the Rainbow. He had immediately found a strong attraction for her outgoing, exuberant outlook on life. Even after he had gotten to know her and her seeming dislike for almost anyone her own age, he found the attraction there. Even though she seemed to hate him, constantly belittled and berated him, and consider him her enemy at worst, and her direct competitor at best._

He couldn't help it, especially now. Now that she was so vulnerable… So alone... _So much… So much like me…_ he thought, shocked at the revelation he had just come to. He hated to see her this way. He didn't know how to help her, though. So he did the only thing he thought he could do. He spoke to her, even though she probably could not hear him... Even though she would probably hate him for it… He had to try, though. He had heard that sometimes, the person in coma could hear the outside world, even if they couldn't respond; and how sometimes, it brought them out of their coma. He didn't know what to say to her, so he decided to just talk about the most recent things, as they came into his head.

"I..." he started, swallowing lightly, "I'm scared of both Misato and Ayanami..." He paused then, thinking. He had to come up with another train of thought then to remind her of the two women, and that she thought of him as a coward. He couldn't think of anything. He felt his desperation rising, feeling that he had let everyone that he cared for down. Because of this, he did the only thing that he could think of. "I, um, I met a girl today…" he said, not knowing why he was telling her. "She's… She's really nice. She's pretty, too. As pretty as you are... I don't know why I'm saying this, but I think I like her already, I mean... I think I like her a lot…" He looked at her, seeing no response. He thought about just stopping and staying with her for a while, but the gates to his heart had been opened, and he poured out what they had held back, hoping to see something from her.

"I read your note, the one to Misato, and I cleaned up your room. I hope you don't mind, but I know why you got so angry with me now. I'm sorry that I looked through your room. I… I know that you hate it when I apologize, but I don't know what else to do. I know you meant that note for Misato, but…" he closed his eyes for a moment, and sighed, opening them again to look at her. "Why couldn't you have said anything, about how you felt? Why did you think you had to die? You didn't do anything wrong, Asuka… This is so hard to say…" he felt tears forming, but blinked them back. "I mean, I know you said that you like me, and I… I like you, I've always wondered, since we met, what it would be like, to be with you, I mean… As girlfriend and boyfriend... But now…"

Shinji paused, and looked around, at the clean, sterile environment Asuka was sleeping in, as if searching for an answer to some unvoiced question. After a moment of looking at the monitoring equipment, wondering if he could continue, he decided that he should, to let his feelings out, if nothing else. _Besides, it looks like the security cameras and such are off, so I don't have to worry about anyone but Asuka hearing what I'm saying to her..._ He sighed, and went on, an apologetic tone in his voice. "I, um… I really hope that you will forgive me, but this girl I met, she's so…" he brought his hands up, not knowing how to describe his feelings. "I don't know…  She's intoxicating… I've only just met her, and I want to be near her again, to look at her and into her eyes. She makes me feel... Whole, I guess... When I'm near her, I... I can't make myself feel like I'm a scum, or a coward, or anything like that… She makes me feel…" He thought over what he'd just said to Asuka, and felt shock at his own feelings. "I don't know what this means. Does this mean I feel love for someone I've just met? I don't know, I've never felt that kind of love, not really… Not even with you... I wanted to, but you never opened up to me..." He thought for a moment about what he had stated and smiled slightly, a small, nearly defeated smile. "And I never really asked you to, either. Never gave you reason to open up. I'm sorry for that Asuka, I truly am. Am I already in love with her? God, that sounds so… I don't know, pitiful, I guess." He laughed lightly as a thought crossed his mind about how he felt Asuka would react. "A girl shows that she likes me, and I fall in love with her, I bet you'd call me stupid for that, wouldn't you?" Yet still she did not respond to him. He felt lost, not knowing what do to. He looked at her, laying with her back to him, and a wave of uncertainty washed over him, bringing a crushing fear with it.

"Please, Asuka... Help me..." he pleaded, tears welling up in his eyes; he did not blink them away, yet the tears did not seem able to fall. "Help me, Asuka, I don't know what to do!" The tone in his voice was lonely, so very lonely, the sound wrenching enough that if one were to listen, it would break that person's heart.

He reached out hesitantly, tentatively grasping her by the shoulder, and shaking her lightly, "Hey..." he said a little sharply, shaking her a little bit harder, "Wake up! Come on... Wake up!" As his speech sharpened, it got a little bit louder, and a little bit more desperate, "Come on... Hey... Asuka... Asuka... ASUKA!" the last echoed in the small room, but could barely be heard out in the hall, thanks to the sound proofed door of the room. "Help me. Help me. Help me..." a single tear rolled down his cheek, as the girl lay there limply, his shaking seeming to have no effect. "Help me... HELP ME!" his voice became more desperate, rising as he continued to shake her, lifting her from the bed now, trying to get some kind, _any_ kind, of response. "Call me an idiot like you usually do! Hit me! ANYTHING!" he finally screamed, pulling her up and turning her face to his, looking for any kind of response. "HEY! ASUKA, WAKE UP!" he shrieked, not caring who heard outside of the room.

Seeing no response coming, he shoved her back onto the bed, his force almost brutal. As she fell to her bed, some of the the electrocardiograph wires attached to her chest were yanked free. The ones that remained attached pulled the unbuttoned hospital gown she wore open, revealing that she wore only panties underneath it. As he looked on in shock, and growing arousal, a small part of Shinji's mind observed her mode of dress with almost clinical amusement. _Misato must have ordered that she was to at least have her lower half covered… No reason to let some intern get off looking at _all_ of her now, is there?_ he thought, trying to suppress his growing arousal. _I don't see doctors considering her being clothed in more than the gown being that important. She has no need for them now, after all!_ A brief, ugly smile came to his face, as his thoughts wandered slightly. _I wonder if Kieko looks that good in just her panties?_ Although he knew the thoughts about Asuka and Keiko were his, he had a hard time believing that they came from him. _That sounds like something my father would say..._ This thought almost brought him to a halt, to hate himself for his current feelings.

He continued to look at her, though, scanning what the open gown showed of her, from her upper legs to her beautiful face. This brought the ugly thoughts back to him, and he thought of the two pilots, the two young women that he knew he cared greatly for; and of the young nurse he had just met, whom he already felt a connection with that he could not explain. His thoughts, though, centered on the beautiful, almost nude young woman in front of him, and he felt himself becoming even more aroused at the sight of her, so open and vulnerable, in front of him. Even as part of his mind screamed at him to stop, he found that he could not stop himself from thinking of her that way.

Although Asuka was only fourteen, she had grown almost entirely to her maturity. Her body was attractive, with little extraneous fat; she was very athletic, with a taut, smooth musculature. If you had asked someone that didn't know her, they would have thought her to be much older. In his mental state, his mind considered all of these facts, and he soon realized that he was walking towards the door to her room. It wasn't as if the thoughts crossing his mind were alien to him, it was just the situation. The section of his mind that drove him towards her door considered many of the fantasies that he had had of Asuka. They paled in comparison to what he saw now. She was magnificent. He locked the door, his arousal making him harden. He turned, reaching down, even as his self-disgust at doing what he was contemplating made the gorge rise in his throat.

_Don't do this!_ he screamed to himself, _don't soil her image like this! What would the Kieko, or even Rei, think of me being like this? This isn't me, oh _God_, this isn't me, oh please don't let me do this!_ He shuddered as he looked back upon her. _I don't want to do this, she's not even awake! Don't do this, now while she's like this, please let me stop! It just as well be rape, like the angel did to her…_ His inner voice was getting weaker and weaker as he continued to look at her body. He actually did want to stop; but he found that his arousal could not be denied. As he drank in the way her hip curved smoothly into her belly, then to her full, round breasts, his hands went to his zipper, preparing to undo his pants. _I'm scum… I'm no better than my father!_ he cursed himself in disgust. Then he felt something. He felt a cold, chilling presence pass through him. He felt as if the cold had struck all the way to his soul, but somehow, the cold was comforting.

As he looked around the room, his arousal was quickly forgotten. A memory occurred to him then, of something Asuka had said on the anniversary of his mother's death. She had dared him to kiss her, then, when he hesitated, she had said, "What's the matter? Afraid to kiss a girl on the day of your mommy's death? Are you afraid that she's looking down on you from heaven?" As he looked around the room, he could not help but feel like he was being watched. This feeling was nothing like his mother, however. He did remember vaguely what she had been like. Her touch had been warm and loving, the comforting, soothing touch of a mother. This feeling was… Cold… So cold; and so very distant… In a strange way, though, it was far more soothing than even the memories of his mother's touch, and this frightened him.

His gaze finally settled back on Asuka. For a moment he didn't notice anything different. As he looked up to her face, however, he saw something. Standing about two meters from the head of Asuka's bed was a cloaked figure, vaguely female in shape, and not too much taller than Asuka would be were she standing in the same place. The cowled head seemed to be looking at Asuka's face, the person standing in a relaxed, almost serene manner. His first instinct was to run. He did not want to, however. He did not want to leave the girl on the bed alone at that point, not with this stranger that had somehow entered a locked room. He had failed to protect her when she needed it against the fourteenth angel, he would die before failing to do so again. And what if the creature went after Keiko? The thought of loosing the woman before he had even had a chance to get to know her hurt far too much to not at least _try_ to protect her from possible harm.

Shinji stood in place, a part of him still ready to run, as the cloaked figure moved its cowl to face him. The cowl was too dark to see any real detail within, even in the well lit room. When the face was fully towards him, he saw a brief flash, and then two blue points of light appeared, expanding and taking on a shape similar to a person's eyes, which seemed to stare at him. The light from the eyes was dim, yet he could see that the face was covered by some kind of cloth, a strange cross between a mask and a veil. The person spoke, vocally confirming that it was a woman, a young sounding woman at that. The voice was soft, somewhat distant, and soothing, holding within it a tone of humor. The voice sounded somehow very familiar to him, but he could not place it in his adrenaline charged state. "Good morning, Shinji-kun." As she spoke, she took a few short steps closer to the bed, positioning herself across from Shinji. When she moved, the cloak to billowed out, revealing a suit made of similar material to the veil also covering the body, the curves of her body reminding Shinji briefly of someone. The cloak settled back around her before he could place the familiarity, however. The woman's eyes considered him, and he felt almost as if she were looking at his very soul. The feeling was very unnerving, and Shinji felt panic trying to rise within. Shinji looked down, and closed his eyes for a moment, to calm himself.

_I mustn't run away! I mustn't run away! I mustn't run away!_ he shouted internally, the mantra actually helping him feel motivated to stay this time, not to feel as if he had no choice but to stay, as it had sometimes made him feel in the past. _She... She may be harmless, but she might hurt them as well… She may take them away from me!_ He opened his eyes, facing the floor, his eyes hardening in a resolve he didn't even think possible from himself. "No!" he whispered, as if to himself, his voice surprisingly calm. "No, I'm tired of running…" He slowly lifted his face, raising his eyes to look into the eyes of the figure. "I mustn't... No! I_ will not_ run again." He faced what he thought could be his destiny, not knowing what came next, but finally, after so many times making the wrong choice, he felt as if he were making the right decision. As he looked at her, the woman's face bent down to consider Asuka. After a brief moment, the woman standing across the bed from him reached towards Asuka, her hands and arms covered by the same gossamer material as her face had been. "Don't hurt her...!" he said, his voice rising in alarm, and he moved as if to intercept the woman's hands, to protect Asuka.

The woman drew her hands back slightly, and looked upon him, her eyes crinkled as if with a warm smile, and spoke, in a tone that belied the distant tone he had heard in her voice just a moment before. "A very commendable sentiment, Shinji-kun. Neither you, or Asuka, have anything to fear from me...." she assured him. Shinji eyed her warily, watching for any sign of hostility towards Asuka, as her gossamer shrouded hands reached out once again. They reached the open sides of Asuka's hospital gown and drew them back across her body, much to Shinji's embarrassment. He did not look away, however, still watching the woman, but feeling a little more acceptance to her presence. Then the woman drew the sheets of Asuka's bed back over the sleeping girl, tucking them in just under her chin.

"Momma...?" To Shinji's surprise, the single, questioning word came from the comatose form of Asuka. She had spoken as the woman was bringing her hands back from tucking Asuka in. The single word was filled with a desperate, longing grief, the sheer loss in the voice causing Shinji's eyes to well up with tears as it brought back memories, and the knowledge he now had of his mother.

"No, Asuka, I am not _your_ mother, though your mother misses you as much as you do her..." The woman's voice was tender and caring, as if Asuka were indeed her child. The woman slowly bent over Asuka, kissing her lightly on the forehead, through the veil, then looked back up at Shinji, pulling the cowl of her cloak back as she did so. "I would like to speak to both yourself and Asuka, if it wouldn't be too much of an inconvenience..." Not knowing what else to do, Shinji nodded slightly, still suspicious, but willing to listen to what she had to say. He also stared at where the woman's face would be for a moment, trying to see any detail behind the gossamer-like material of the veil. That attempt became a rather moot as the being's eyes narrowed in humor as if to some private joke. "I do believe that you are correct, in your assessment..." she spoke contemplatively, as if she were speaking aloud for Shinji's benefit. "As it is a matter of trust, my child, I will do so..." Shinji looked at her suspiciously once again, about to speak, when the woman started to slide the veil up. As she did so, the light of her eyes faded, until the veil had passed over her forehead, and the eyes no longer glowed.  She let the veil hang behind her shoulders with the cowl's hood.

His attention was immediately drawn to her eyes, and Shinji felt his heart sink.  He knew those eyes, and the face that the eyes were set in.  He screwed his eyes shut, his right hand clenching into a tight fist.  He did not want to believe what he saw, hoping vainly that his eyes lied to him. _It can't be!_ he screamed to himself. Now he knew why the voice had sounded so familiar. Shinji wanted to run, to get away from what part of him wanted to believe was a mere hallucination, yet he stood firm, forcing himself to stand in place. He open his eyes convulsively, looking at the woman before him, and a slight chill of fear ran along his spine as his eyes met hers again. _I will not run_, he said to himself, reinforcing his earlier statements, the conviction he felt surprising him, _I will never run again!_


	6. Chapter 6

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Disclaimer: Studio Gainax owns Neon Genesis Evangelion. Any other name, or product, are registered, trademarked, and copyrighted by their respective owners. Should they, or their affiliates, request it, I shall remove this fan fiction from the Web. Thank you.

Author's notes: When I originally posted this fiction, I had pre-rated it as "R" for future chapters. Since it will be _at least_ four chapters(perhaps a few more) before my story merits an "R"(or perhaps an even higher) rating, I am changing it to "PG-13" until the story progresses into a higher rating category. I will give notice of the rating change one chapter before the change goes into effect.

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" " : Indicates spoken words.

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italics : Indicate thoughts.

] [ : Indicates radio transmissions.

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Aberrant Impact

Chapter 6

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Tokyo-3, 2015; 9:55 A.M. Rei Ayanami Residence.

For the second time that morning Rei Ayanami slept. It was a deep, sound sleep, perhaps the most restful she had ever had. With the droning buzz of cicadas and the rhythmic thump of pile drivers in the background, she was completely motionless. Except for the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest, and the subtle pulse of the carotid artery in her neck, one could think her dead. While she slept, she also dreamt a dream that lasted for a little over an hour, without interruption. She dreamt of the past, of all the images of her past, and of all the emotions that should have been with the images. She even saw images that she should not have been able to see. She saw events that happened after her second body's last memory dump, including her feelings when she detonated her Unit-00 to save Shinji. She also gained new emotions to the ones she had from after waking in her rebirthing tank. Most of these emotions were negative, but she knew now that she could work to change that. 

As morning progressed, slowly shortening the shadows shrouding Tokyo-3, Rei Ayanami woke from her sleep, and sat up in her bed. She looked around at her room. The room that had until that morning been both familiar and alien at one time. Now everything was familiar. A realization struck her as she continued to look around. "I… Am whole…" she spoke softly, emotions flooding the entirety of her being. They were not the open emotions of one who had experienced life in a more normal manner than she had. They were, however, still emotions, which until that moment, had been utterly alien to her. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she felt a moment of confusion. _Why am I crying now? Am I not happy to be whole?_ As she asked herself this question, a memory came back to her. She was in the entry plug of Unit-00, moments after the destruction of the fifth angel. Shinji was leaning his upper body into her entry plug, crying over the fact that she was alive. She now understood why he had cried that day. A slow, soft smile, much like the one that she had given Shinji then, came to her face. _I _am_ happy… To be whole, for the first time..._

She wiped her tears away, and stood from her bed. She decided then that she would speak with Shinji. She wanted to let him know she was whole again, and to apologize. _I need to see you Ikari-kun… I need to tell you that I am sorry. I am sorry that I was not there to help you, that I could not protect you, when you needed it. As I promised you I would._ She hoped that he would not feel the need to shy away from her, to _fear_ her, as he had since her rebirth. _Will you forgive me? Will you accept me once again, Ikari-kun? I hope that you will._

Rei slowly moved to her shower, stripping her clothing from her body. Her lips held the small, private smile that she had shared with Shinji, while in Unit-00's entry plug following the battle with the fifth angel. _No matter the outcome,_ she thought, _I will look back without regret._ She turned on the shower, setting the water to a comfortably warm temperature. _I only need to find you._ She had just stepped under the shower head, soap in hand, when she was struck by a sense of vertigo, and a brief loss of self, much like she did every time she had synched with her Eva. The soap dropped from her hand, and she leaned against the wall of her shower, her balance coming back to her slowly. She now saw two images floating in front of her, one of her shower, which was the predominant image, with another seeming to float several centimeters in front of her eyes and slightly down, visible, but not blocking her vision. In this other image, she saw that it was a hospital room, a room that was surprisingly familiar to her, as she had been in an almost identical one several days earlier, after her rebirth as the third. It was Asuka's room in the First Cranial Nerve Department, and that Shinji seemed to stand opposite of her, his manner protective towards Asuka, suspicion obvious in his eyes. _How can this be?_ She asked herself. Although she was mildly pleased to know where Shinji was, she was quite confused as to how she could see him there.

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It is a gift that we once again share, my child... a familiar voice spoke in her mind. _I am pleased that you chose this path. How do you feel?_ The voice held humor as Rei realized that the person that spoke to her was the visitor from earlier that day. Rei not only heard the voice of the being, but she also _felt_ the emotions the being felt. She let her perception return to the shower around her, and the view of the hospital room faded to almost nothing, save for Shinji's face.

__

I feel... She thought, searching for the words to describe how she felt, yet she knew that she could not, now matter how hard she tried. So she tried to let her emotions flow over the apparent link to the being. She was pleased when she realized that she was able to send her pleasure, which bordered on elation, a very new and even somewhat frightening emotion to her. _I feel whole again._ She felt emotions of pleasure flow to her from the being, and consternation from herself at considering her 'a being'. _She is not merely some being, like the angel she once was. As she said, she and I are alike, and now I am once again human... We are human..._ The contemplation was made with wonder, an emotion she was not very familiar with. That is not to say that she was unfamiliar with curiosity, it was the pure emotional impact of the wonder she was feeling that caught her off guard. _Is this new freedom of feeling my emotions another of your gifts? I do not remember being so... Emotional before..._

I am so very pleased to hear that you feel whole once again. And yes, I do believe that your emotional freedom is an unexpected consequence of my giving past back to you. Is it objectionable to you? There was concern in her thought voice, concern that the unforeseen loosening of Rei's emotions might bring harm to the young woman.

Rei concentrated for a moment, trying to reign in her seemingly rampant emotions. Slowly, she felt her control exert itself over the emotions, bringing her mind to a familiar, peaceful state. The emotions, however, were still there, yet in a more blatant manner now, even more so than near the end of her second's existence. She smiled slightly to herself, pleased with this small, but significant victory. _No, I do not believe that it will be a problem. Since I can contain my emotions with my will, then I should have no problem with the change you have given me._

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Good. I sense that you wish to speak with Shinji-kun, am I correct? She asked Rei, her thought voice amused.

__

Yes, I do. Rei's thought voice became somewhat curious, as questions formulated in her mind. _I am wondering... What is your name? How were you able to return my memories? I feel as if I know; yet I would like to make that intuition a certainty, as opposed to a mere guess at the truth..._

Call me... Rei felt a humor over the link. _Evanna. As for how I was able to return your memories... I sense the way your thoughts are leaning, and yes, you are correct about how I was able to return your past to you... There is, however, more that I must tell you, and I would prefer to discuss that later. I have to speak with Shinji and Asuka soon..._ Rei realized that less than five seconds had passed since starting the conversation with Evanna. _I know that when we spoke earlier I said we would probably not meet again until after my other duties... Now, however, I believe that I will need you here to help me in this task... I would be pleased if you joined us, my child._

I will do so, though it will take me a little over a half-hour to get there... Rei felt a gentle, reassuring sense from Evanna, and continued. _Are you going to speak with them about the time of choice we spoke of earlier?_

Yes, at least in part. I will be speaking of other things, as well... Evanna replied, her thought voice contemplative.

Rei had already felt that this was the case, and continued with her thought. _Then you should reveal yourself to them. It is a matter of trust... I do not believe that Shinji will be receptive to what you are planning unless you are honest with him. _Rei's thought voice was surprisingly adamant about Evanna revealing herself, bringing a pleased aura to Evanna's presence within Rei's mind. _As for Pilot Sohryu..._ Rei's thought voice held a well controlled, but cool, almost annoyed anger as she spoke of Asuka. _I believe you know how she will react._

I would very much like to reveal myself to them… Evanna paused, her thought voice sounding very uncertain.

Rei spoke up when she felt Evanna pause when she at the idea of revealing herself to Shinji and Asuka. _Why do you hesitate? Do you fear revealing yourself?_

Evanna gave a mental sigh, and her thought voice sounded frustrated. _The cloak and the suit I wear keep me from being detected by NERV's pattern sensors. If I remove them for any period of time..._

Rei interrupted her, a solution already in her mind. _You and I both contain enough human DNA, and enough of a human soul, to be considered human, is I not correct?_ At an affirmative sensation from Evanna, Rei continued more conviction in her thought voice. _Then you should be able to appear to the scanners as a human, or at least as a non-angel, as I am able to do. As even Tabris was able to d..._

I... I will try my child. If I am unable to, I will be forced to wear the veil and cloak back again. She felt a pleased acknowledgment from Rei, and then spoke aloud, so both Rei and Shinji could hear her. "I do believe that you are correct, in your assessment..." she spoke, her voice contemplative. "It is a matter of trust. I also believe that it is not the wrong choice, my child, I will do so..." Rei felt the link fade, and saw the image of Shinji fade, the vertigo returning briefly as her perception returned to normal. She then bent down and picked her soap up, resuming her shower. Her face once again became a mask of neutrality as she contemplated how much her life had changed in such a short amount of time, and how much more it could change. All with one small, seemingly insignificant choice...

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Tokyo-3, 2015; 9:56 A.M. NERV Command Center, Command Bridge 

The NERV Command Center was a scene of collected order. A few weeks ago this was not much of a shock. Indeed, for most of the past year, this had been the place that a small group of Earth's inhabitants defended themselves and their brethren all over the globe from their worst enemy, the mighty angles. That's not to say that there were few people here, however. It is just that they were some of the best and brightest that the planet Earth had to offer. The officers of the watch were being their usual efficient selves, directing the defense of Tokyo-3. But since the death of the seventeenth angel, Tabris, also known as Kaoru Nagisa, there hadn't been much to do. Shigeru Aoba sat at his console, half watching it, half watching his coworkers, and playing air guitar, practicing chords for his real guitar.

To his right sat Makoto Hyuga, his fellow technician and friend. He was busily reading another of his seemingly endless supply of manga comics. Shigeru laughed softly to himself watching this. He was one of the most laid back of the Command techs, and to look at him, you wouldn't have thought him under any kind of stress. He was, however, starting to feel the pressure, the pressure of not knowing when the next attack would occur. Since the last angel, NERV had been more paranoid than usual. More people on watch, more people watching over each other's shoulders, trying to make sure nothing was missed, more people watching in general.

Most of the Command Center staff was on edge, although those who had more experience were more relaxed than the newer techs. And there had been quite a few that had left since Zeruel, the fourteenth angel, had penetrated to just a few scant meters from his very position. He shuddered, remembering that day, seeing the angel, huge as life, almost close enough to touch. Its eyes had started to light up, preparing to launch one of its devastating energy attacks on the vulnerable Command Center staff. Then they had been saved by Eva Unit-01, crashing through the wall that was to his right as he looked back to where the angel had stood. The wall that Unit-01 had crashed through was still under repair. He was honestly surprised that NERV hadn't been shut down since the presumably last angel had come and gone. He didn't know why, but he felt that something important was going to happen in the next day or two. Something big…

As he looked around once again, he saw Maya Ibuki, who had been promoted to Captain since the incarceration of Dr. Akagi. She was sitting at her console, looking a little nervous in her new position as NERV Head Technician. She was seemingly untouched by the pressure of the watch, however. She had been in her current position since the arrest of Dr. Ritsiku Akagi on undisclosed charges. Shigeru was contemplating what the charges against the good doctor were when he heard two of the lower level techs as their conversation floated up to him. They were remarking that Maya seemed to be unperturbed by all the pressure.

He smiled, and was about to call Maya over when she looked around, noticing, as if for the first time, the tension in the air. She took a sip of her coffee, looking around at the gathered personnel, and said without preamble, "I'm glad that there haven't been any more angel attacks," her tone almost laughing, "But it sure has gotten boring around here since the last one!" All of the NERV personnel in the center stopped what they were doing for a moment, even Shigeru. Maya wasn't normally one to initiate a conversation not directly related to work, except with her former superior, Dr. Akagi. Neither had she made that many jokes, at least ones that could be heard by most of the techs on duty. After absorbing what had just happened for a moment, most of the Command Center crew laughed in a shocked, but honestly amused manner at her bland observation. The laughter soon included the shy tech herself, as she realized that her joke had worked as she had hoped it would, lowering the tension in the room noticeably.

__

Well, she's definitely taking to her new role as Head Technician! Shigeru thought, feeling proud of his friend. Then he noticed something odd. Gendou Ikari, the Commander of NERV, and Kouzou Fuyutsuki, the Sub-Commander, were not in their raised observation post. Not that they were always there, but at least _one_ of them should have shown up by now, to check on things, if for no other reason. He stopped playing air guitar, checked his console, and stood, stretching briefly. Makoto looked up as Shigeru started to walk over to Maya's console, and decided to join him. He looked over his console quickly, then moved to join his friends. Maya was busily jotting down something on her portable MAGI supercomputer interface. "Hey, Maya," Shigeru said. She finished what she was jotting down, and looked up at Shigeru and Makoto, nodding to indicate for Shigeru to continue. "Where are the Commanders?"

"Yeah, I haven't seen them all morning, and I've been here since oh-four-hundred..." Makoto added, his normally calm voice now sounding a trifle concerned.

Maya Ibuki smiled softly, but it was a troubled smile. She was glad for the conversation, giving her a brief respite from the work she was doing on the MAGI at Dr. Akagi's request. Even so, she felt troubled by the question. "I don't know, Shigeru," she said, contemplatively. "I think they have an important meeting with _their_ higher ups in the UN. It's either that or they're making plans for something, I don't really know..." This concept bothered her, in a very subtle way. "Believe me," she said, lowering her voice, "I wish I knew...!" She glanced around as she said this, and then relaxed as she realized that the only ones in easy earshot were her two friends.

She was about to continue as something caught her eye on her console. "Now _that's_ odd" she remarked quietly, paying closer attention to the readings on her console, and adjusting a few sensors. The other two techs took this as an indicator to go back to their consoles. When they got there, they noticed a few variables were just slightly out of normal parameters, and concentrated on gleaning information from them.

"I'm picking up some anomalous readings here…" Makoto said, his voice a little tight as he realized what the readings could be indicating. He tensed further with the words that came from where Shigeru sat, hunched over his console.

"I'm getting anomalous readings here, too... Flashing between multiple pattern colors..." he said, concern evident as the sensors reported something that should not be possible. Several of the Command Bridge technicians called out in concurrence with Shigeru's statement, confusion evident in their voices. Shifting between two and possibly as many as three patterns was possible. But to go across the entire spectrum repeatedly was, to say the least, troublesome. "I don't think I like this…" Shigeru said the words softly, as if speaking quietly would make the readings change. Surprisingly, the readings _did_ change as he watched and hoped, but not in the way he had hoped they would. "Oh my God!" he exclaimed in a sharp whisper. "Pattern Blue!" he cried loudly, his voice strained.

At the same moment, Maya's readings coalesced into the same thing that Shigeru had seen, causing her face to drain, "This is impossible! The seventeenth was supposed to be the last!" she whispered softly to herself. The moment she had whispered, the MAGI consolidated a unanimous decision that it was indeed a blue AT pattern, as if to mock her. Just after Shigeru called out, she raised her voice, confirming both her and Shigeru's readings to all on the Command Bridge. "I can confirm your readings, the pattern is blue!" The MAGI confirm it, one hundred percent probability!" she called out in a calm, composed voice, a calm and composure that she certainly didn't feel. As soon as the words left her mouth the command bridge erupted in a flurry of activity, all in an attempt to locate the source of the pattern.

"I can't locate the source, other than it's located inside the Geofront!" Makoto shouted, his concerned voice now subtly tinged with fear.

"Damn, this _would_ have to happen when Major Katsuragi has a day off!" Maya said in a humorless attempt at her former joking manner.

Just as she was about to call Commander Ikari to see if he wanted to issue the order to go to a first stage alert, all signs of the central headquarters undo angel's pattern shifted, "Pattern is now Orange!" shouted Shigeru. Less than a second later, the pattern disappeared from their monitors. Silence reigned in the Command Center, except for the calling out of various sensor readings and readiness states. "The pattern is now gone..."

"Location was within one-quarter kilometer of the NERV Command Center! No further triangulation can be performed unless we detect the pattern again!" Makoto called out, his voice calm and business like.

"What happened?" asked a stern, deep voice from above everyone. The command crew turned around, a mixture of relief and concern on their faces as they saw both the Commander and the Sub-Commander standing in the command box. The Sub-Commander was standing abreast of the Commander, both of them leaning against the railing of the command box. "What is the status of the potential target?"

Even the nigh unflappable Commander Ikari had concern in his voice. This made everyone feel a bit more on edge about the situation, a surprising fact, considering the situation. The looks of many of the techs spoke more eloquently than any voiced comments could have. The faces seemed to ask the question "If the Commanders are worried, then how should _we _feel?" If they had known the reason for his concern, many of the crew looking up at them would have probably been terrified.

"Unknown, Commander Ikari! The pattern shifted to orange then disappeared altogether!" said a worried Shigeru, his eyes almost frantic as he scanned his readouts.

"The target's no longer on _any_ of our scopes!" called an equally concerned Makoto.

"No errors detected in any of the sensors," Maya reported in a more calm voice, "and the MAGI still reports that the Pattern Blue was a one hundred percent probability!" She looked up to the command box, hoping for a quick answer. She was to be quite disappointed.

"This wasn't in any of either Selee's plans or our's, Commander Ikari." Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki said, just loud enough for Gendou to hear.

"I am aware of that, Fuyutsuki!" Gendou said quietly, irritated at the situation. He pondered the current situation for a few moments more, his hands clasped lightly in front of his face. The glasses perched on his face seemed to glow like two orbs of amber fire in the lights of the Command Center. "Go to a conditional First Stage alert. For lower level NERV employees and those civilians remaining, going to the shelters or evacuation is not currently required, but will be at a moment's notice." His eyes narrowed as he contemplated what this turn of events could mean. "Also, increase the number of active scans by fifty percent, and double the personnel on watch at all times. Call Major Katsuragi and have her come in as soon as possible. Captain Ibuki, I would like you to run a full diagnostic on the MAGI system, especially on the communications systems. Though it may very well be an angel, it could also be a system glitch, or even an outside source that caused this. I want to eliminate the latter two possibilities as completely as possible!"

"Affirmative, sir!" Maya called up to the command deck, calm starting to return to her voice. She, and indeed the rest of the Command Center crew, now had a task at hand, and they put the entirety of their skills to the task.

Fuyutsuki leaned down to Commander Ikari, his manner conspiratorial, "We have a meeting with Selee soon, Sir," he said quietly, recalling that he and the Commander had an early morning meeting with the Selee monoliths the following morning, "Just how will they react to this? What does it do to their plans? Considering that the possibility of another angel wasn't covered by any copies of the Dead Sea scrolls…" although he was honestly concerned, there was amusement in his voice as he let his latter statement linger. His face and voice quickly turned serious as he spoke again, "And what does it do to ours? If it _is_ an unpredicted angel…" Fuyutsuki didn't have to elaborate on what his thoughts were, but the Commander knew where he was leading with his statements.

As he thought about what Fuyutsuki had said, Commander Ikari smiled humorlessly behind his hands, a small, almost diabolic smile, "It may be a problem for Selee and their path of madness," he said, rather dismissively. He considered his options for a moment, adding, "As much as I don't want the old fools should know of this, I think it would be... Advantageous for them to know of this. As for us, I'm not sure..."

Fuyutsuki paused for a moment before speaking. "I agree, about Selee, Sir." he finally said somewhat hesitant, "Even if it was a system bug, the old men on the committee could prove…" Again he paused, cocking his head to one side slightly as if seeking the proper word words to use. He smiled slightly and straightened his head as the words came to him, "Quite problematic if they were to find out that we withheld this information, couldn't they?"

"Indeed." Commander Ikari said, his contempt for the committee obvious in his tone, though there was a small, slightly ironic smile on his face. He then looked at Fuyutsuki as a thought occurred to him, "Fuyutsuki, release Dr. Akagi from confinement... She could prove useful, whether or not this does prove to be a bug in the MAGI, or an external attack." Fuyutsuki stared at him, for a moment, his eyes widened almost in disbelief, as he knew why the Commander had taken Dr. Akagi in custody.

"Are you certain, Sir?" Fuyutsuki asked, uncertainty in his voice.

Hearing the uncertainty in his voice, and seeing the disbelief in Fuyutsuki's voice, the Commander's smile took on an air of honest humor, though just for a moment. "I have faith in _Captain _Ibuki's abilities, Fuyutsuki," the commander added to his prior thought, stressing Maya's rank as if the only reason she had it was due to his faith in her abilities. "However, Dr. Akagi _does_ know more about the MAGI system." His voice seemed slightly strained as he admitted this, pausing a moment before continuing. "If we need her abilities, I won't hesitate to use her. If the system is beyond Captain Ibuki's abilities or if the attack came from outside…" Commander Ikari paused for a moment, as if uncertain about saying what he had on his mind at that moment. He dropped his voice slightly, a hint of anger evident in his voice. "Or even if this was indeed an unpredicted angel, we could use her experience. Besides, I think that perhaps Captain Ibuki may perform better with her Sempai there to offer her guidance…" With that, he turned back to observe the now bustling hive of activity that was the Tokyo-3 NERV Command Center, seemingly lost in thought.

Fuyutsuki was quite surprised at the almost clinical indifference Gendou showed for the doctor. _I hope you know what you're doing, my friend_ he thought, somewhat tensely, _Dr. Akagi isn't someone to underestimate. You've already done that once, I hope that you don't do it again._ He pondered the stoic form of the Commander for a few more moments, before speaking again. "Yes, Sir. I will pass along your orders to Section Two, as well as Dr. Akagi." Fuyutsuki turned away walking towards the exit of the command box. He stopped when heard the rustling of Commander Ikari's clothing. Fuyutsuki turned back towards the Commander, seeing the younger man turned towards him slightly, and waited for the man he considered his friend to speak.

"Fuyutsuki… I believe we should inform Selee about this before tomorrow. It should throw them off guard, and if it does, it may very well give the advantage back to us... I would like to speak with you on this possibility as soon as possible. When you're finished with Dr. Akagi, have a report sent to me about the status of all three of the Children, as well as the whereabouts and the apparent mental states of the First and Third Children. Also bring me the progress report on Unit-03, as well as the Fourth Chile. Find out whether or not the Fourth Child can be used in his current state. If he cannot be used in his current state, find out what it would take to make him so, as well as how long it will take."

Fuyutsuki nodded, as the Commander half-turned back to the Command Center. "Of course, Sir, When would you like Dr. Akagi to report in, Sir?"

"As soon as..." The Commander paused, considering the situation. He turned fully to Fuyutsuki, leaning back in his chair slightly. He brought his left arm across his body, resting his right elbow lightly on his left hand; his right hand absently stroked his bearded chin. No longer reflecting the light, Gendou's glasses allowed Fuyutsuki to see the turmoil within his eyes. "No later than noon, or at any time before then that she feels ready. If indeed we have been wrong all this time, Fuyutsuki, I want to be prepared." Gendou sighed heavily, and stopped stroking his chin, and covered his mouth with index and middle fingers, tapping his mouth slightly for a moment.

"Yes, Sir." Fuyutsuki replied, waiting a moment for Commander Ikari to finish.

"We may be on the threshold of an entirely new game… We may even have to bond-..." Gendou stopped, a sob barely contained as he closed his eyes. Fuyutsuki's eyes widened slightly as he noticed the two solitary tears streak their way down Gendou's face. This was a shock to Fuyutsuki. He had not even seen tears come from the commander when he had held Yui's plug suit after the fateful test that took her life and trapped her soul within Unit-01. He recovered quickly, however, his iron will snapping closed on his rampant emotions. He drew in a shuddering breath, and pinched the bridge of his nose, using the motion to covertly wipe away the tears. Fuyutsuki smiled inwardly at this, seeing the young man Gendou used to be peek out of his shell for a moment. After composing himself for a brief moment more, Gendou continued, his slightly grating voice the only indication that something was amiss. "Fuyutsuki, we may have to abandon our prior plans... I would rather not, yet if this _is_ an unpredicted angel, it may not be the last."

"I understand, Sir. Should I prepare to have the Fourth Child moved back to Tokyo-3, or will he be staying where he is currently?" The tone of Fuyutsuki's voice gave no indication that he had seen anything out of the ordinary, and implied that bringing the fourth Child to Tokyo-3 would be the better decision.

"I think that would be best to bring him here, considering the circumstances..." Gendou half turned back towards the Command Bridge, his hands clasped in front of his mouth once more, pondering the situation.

"I should be finished gathering the information by eleven-thirty hours. Would you like me to bring the information to your office, or will you be at the cages?" Fuyutsuki asked.

Gendou tensed slightly, annoyed at what he felt was his predictability. He relaxed a short moment later, with the realization it was their years of working together that had allowed Fuyutsuki to predict where he would be. Behind his hands, he allowed a brief smile at his own paranoia, then schooled his face into the neutral expression he normally favored. "I _should_ be in my office by that time, though I may still be at the cages, so stop there first." Fuyutsuki turned around, once again walking to the exit, when Commander Ikari spoke up again, his voice softer than normal. "And Fuyutsuki...?"

"Yes, Commander Ikari?" Fuyutsuki asked, his voice neutral.

"Thank you." Fuyutsuki smiled, at the Commander's rare show of honest thanks, and left to pass along the Commander's orders.

****

Tokyo 3, 2015; 9:57 A.M. NERV Central Hospital, First Cranial Nerve Department, Room 303

"Re-… Rei?" Shinji Ikari said, his voice stunned.

"Will be here shortly Shinji-kun." The woman standing before Shinji said softly, her voice tinted with laughter. It was then that Shinji realized the woman standing before him was somewhat taller than Rei. He also noticed that although her eyes were the same deep crimson as Rei's, her sky blue hair reached to the middle of her back, and that she appeared to be a few years older than Rei's fourteen years. As Shinji watched, the women looked about her as if looking, or perhaps listening, for something. She seemed to find that which she sought, and her smile broadened slightly. Then the cloak and suit she wore changed before Shinji's eyes. As he watched, the suit seemed to melt and reform. What appeared to be built in boots changing into a pair of hiking shoes. The legs changed into a casual pair of black jeans, while the torso and arms changed into a short sleeved, dark forest green shirt. The cloak itself changed into a simple leather jacket, which the woman removed, and placed over the back of an extra chair. "Mistaking Rei and myself is not something I will hold against you," she said, teasingly, "as it is an easy enough mistake to make, considering how much Rei and I resemble each other."

"Who are you, then?" Shinji asked, confusion and worry creeping on to his face, anger in his voice. "And what exactly do you mean that Rei will be here shortly?"

"Call me Evanna, and exactly who I am will be explained shortly. The reason I know that Rei will be here is because I've spoken to her…" Evanna's smile softened slightly, taking on an almost motherly cast. An incredulous look descended upon Shinji's face. Seeing this, Evanna laughed briefly, her musical laugh filling the room. At first, Shinji felt anger well within him as she laughed. Then, as he realized that the laughter was not directed at him, but at the situation, he found himself grinning sheepishly, despite his feelings that his reaction should be otherwise.

"Okay," Shinji said, his voice calmer, though his tone still careful. "Why, and for that matter how, are you going to speak to Asuka? Unless you're going to talk to her like I was talking to her"

"The how you will understand in a few moments, if you would like to speak with her directly." Unconsciously, Shinji nodded to her statement. She closed her eyes and looked down for a moment before speaking again. "As for why I wish to speak to her… It is a matter of utmost importance that I speak with the both of you, and Rei, together." Shinji closed his eyes, not wanting to admit to the thought of speaking to Rei terrified him. Evanna's calm, soothing voice caused him to raise his face to look at her once again. "Shinji, I know that is… Difficult for you to speak with Rei. I can sense that in your body language. I would prefer to let her tell you this, but I will do so now, as I believe it will help you somewhat…" Shinji felt no condemnation or pity coming from her voice, merely understanding, so he nodded for her to continue. "Rei has, with my help, fully recovered her memories from before…" Evanna hesitated, closing her eyes again, as tears squeezed their way past her eyelids.

"Before what…?" Shinji asked, shocked at the Evanna's sudden change in demeanor, but wanting her to continue. He felt it very important to know as much as he could about what the woman was about to say.

"Before the sixteenth angel… Before Rei's... Before our sacrifice... To save your life, Shinji-kun..." Evanna said, her voice tear stained, but steady.

"How were you able to give her memories back to her?" Shinji asked, his tone anxious, as he wanted answers. "And what did you mean by 'our sacrifice'? I though that was all Rei's doing!"

"I... Please, Shinji. I will give you the answers you seek... But can they wait until Rei arrives...? Please, Shinji..." her tone was nervous, even sorrowful, as she spoke.

"Alright… This won't hurt Asuka, will it…?" Shinji queried, his voice full of concern, mostly for the sleeping girl, but also, once again, about the woman's motives in what she was doing.

"Not directly, but things said, or done by, people in the place we will be going could... So please Shinji-kin, be very careful of what you say or do…" Her voice was once again under control, but it still held grief, almost like a parent who had lost a child. He looked at his now clenched right hand, thinking about what he almost did before Evanna had entered the room. He had concern, indeed, even paranoia, about what was going on, but he felt that this woman could speak with Asuka whether he gave permission or not, and he wanted to be there when she did.

"Very well, what do I have to do?" Shinji asked, his features schooled into neutrality.

Evanna smiled softly again, but it slowly faded as her face became a study of concentration, looking much like Asuka did when she was in the entry plug during a synch test. "Pull a chair next to Asuka's bed, hold one of her hands in one of hers, and take my hand in your other hand, and relax. You will go into a dream like state for a time, then you will wake in a place where you can speak with her. And don't worry, you will be able to understand her and what's said where we're going…" She spoke in a distant, cool tone. Shinji did so, feeling confused by Evanna's last statement, and feeling both nervous and embarrassed as he took Asuka's hand in his. Her hands were smooth and soft to his touch, and surprisingly warm, considering that she was progressing steadily towards the realm of death. Asuka gasped something unintelligible an instant before Shinji's whole world collapsed into almost nothing, then exploded into a vibrant spray of color. He felt as if he were both falling and rising at the same time, standing so still that not even time passed, then twirling around a single point in space at the speed of light. He almost felt sick as steadiness and a definite up and down made themselves known, just before darkness descended upon him.


	7. Chapter 7

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Disclaimer: Studio Gainax owns Neon Genesis Evangelion. Any other name, or product, are registered, trademarked, and copyrighted by their respective owners. Should they, or their affiliates, request it, I shall remove this fan fiction from the Web. Thank you.

" " : Indicates spoken words.

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italics : Indicate thoughts.

] [ : Indicates radio transmissions.

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Aberrant Impact

Chapter 7

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Tokyo 3, 2015; 10:42 A.M. NERV Central Hospital Intensive Care Ward, East Wing, Section Four.

Rei Ayanami walked along a corridor that was very familiar to her. She had traveled this corridor many times, usually because she had been wounded, though not always. A few times, it had been to visit Shinji when he had been wounded. The first time she had come here to see Shinji was to give him orders. The other times had been of her own accord, to check on his healing process. While Rei thought of Shinji, she smiled a small version of the private smile she had shared with very few people. _I didn't know why I visited you then, Shinji, at least not completely. I knew that I went to check on the progress of your recovery, yet there was more to it than that simple logic. I _wanted_ to see you, to make sure with my own eyes that you were healing. That frightened me a great deal at the time, though I was always comforted when you recovered. I have a better understanding of why now, I know that I was... Worried about you, and wished to be near you..._

Rei was dressed in a new school uniform, and one that did not look rumpled as the one she had slept in had. She fidgeted at her uniform slightly, as if not comfortable wearing it outside of school. Rei had let her short, sky blue hair hang straight after combing it out, causing her hair clump into narrow locks. The way her hair naturally fell was quite attractive, and drew one's attention to her mysterious crimson eyes and the beautiful, finely chiseled features of her face.

Her destination was Room 303 of the First Cranial Nerve Department. However, she planned to stop at the nursing station she was approaching to ask what room Asuka was in. That is not to say that Rei was ignorant of the way to Asuka's room. Asuka's room was one room down from where Rei had been monitored for a time after her rebirth into this body. Normally, she would have merely ascended in one of the elevators she had already passed, and gone to Asuka's room directly. Today, however, she felt a nearly overwhelming, and quite irrational need to break away from old habits such as that. It seemed more appropriate, on an instinctual level, for her to ask where Asuka's room was, especially since before that morning she had no knowledge of what room the comatose young woman was in. Rei looked at a clock as she passed it by, noticing that she had taken a little bit longer than she had thought she would to make it to NERV Central Hospital.

This did not bother the normally punctual girl as much as it would have in the past. The main reason she had taken the extra time in her journey was her contemplations of her memories and the feelings from her past, and on what she would do now. _My emotions are now connected to memories,_ Rei thought, _And though my will over them is as stronger than it ever was, I have more _desire _to release the emotions... I do not understand this..._ Rei's eyes narrowed slightly as she contemplated this, her smile disappearing. She thought of the first night after her rebirth. She had gone home after speaking with Shinji, and had seen Gendou Ikari's glasses. Inexplicably she had started to cry uncontrollably. Now she knew the reason behind the tears, and the emotions were even stronger for her than they had been when she had first arrived at her home. Not just those emotions were amplified, however. _All_ of her emotions had been amplified so. Even so, she was filled with a strange thoroughness to her understanding for her emotions, one that she had not possessed before. Nor could she explain _how_ she had such a thoroughness of understanding of her emotions.

__

Is this another of your gifts, Evanna? Rei asked, concentrating slightly so that her last few thoughts went out to the mysterious woman. _Why do you want me so free about my emotions? Is it necessary for my role in the coming events, to have more understanding than that of my second self? Or do you merely wish me to know myself as someone with a more "normal" upbringing would?_

Rei felt a feeling of reassurance come over the connection with Evanna. _You will understand soon after joining Shinji, Asuka and myself in Asuka's room, my child._

Rei accepted this answer, deciding that she could wait, as the time was not far from now. She sent a sense of apology over her connection to Evanna, her thought voice slightly chagrined. _I apologize at taking longer than I had predicted she would. I was looking at the sight of my... The place I died to save Shinji..._

Rei was answered by an amused and understanding sensation from Evanna. _It is actually fortuitous that you were delayed slightly, my child. It has given Shinji a chance to find Asuka, and speak to her._ Rei smiled slightly, sending a feeling of thanks to Evanna before drawing back from the connection. Then her smile faded as she thought back to what had caused the delay in her arrival at the hospital. As she thought back to the reason for her delay, she felt tears threatening to spill from her eyes. _Why is it that tears haunt me today?_ While she had walked towards the hospital, Rei had stopped and looked out over the lake caused by the detonation of her Unit-00's core, shedding tears in a strange mixture of joyful release and saddened contemplation, yet not the cleansing that she had hoped for. Rei had been happy that she had saved Shinji with her selfless act, and that no one else except for her had died in the conflagration. However, she had also felt saddened, almost grief stricken, because she knew what that had led to.

__

You began to reject my presence. I believe it was because I had lost my memories of you, and the emotions connected to the memories. Was it also because I called myself the third, implying to you that the Rei you knew had died? Soon after my awakening, _Dr. Akagi took you and Major Katsuragi to the lower areas of the Command Center, into Terminal Dogma. She revealed the failed Evas, to you, and told you what I am._ She sighed almost imperceptibly, her expression revealing a small fraction of the emotional pain she was feeling._ That much the Commander told me... Since then, however, I have lost the feeling of my other selves at the edge of my consciousness. I wonder, did Dr. Akagi destroy them? Is that why the Commander imprisoned her? No... That sort of action would most likely have resulted in her death as punishment. Selee is not known for being very forgiving... You were there, Shinji... I will have to ask you, if you are able to speak of it._

Rei slowed her pace slightly so she could clear her thoughts a bit more before reaching the nursing station. _After what she showed you, you have avoided me. That had hurt, because even directly after my rebirth, I still had emotions for you, Shinji. Most especially when I was near you, though I didn't understand them. I cared for you a great deal, Shinji... _Rei had as yet failed to notice that she had stopped using the honorific she normally addressed Shinji with, even when thought of him. Rei stopped walking, forcing the tears back, and turn to look out of the window, not a meter from where Shinji had stared out into the Geofront earlier that morning. She gazed out at the busy workers rebuilding the Geofront. _I... I think I loved you, Shinji... No, now that I _do _understand the emotions, I know that I did. I believe that I still do, yet... I don't know what to do, Shinji. _Rei closed her eyes on the scene outside for a moment, and whispered, "I... I don't know what to do... Will you help me...? Will you help me in understanding what to do?"

A moment later, she opened her eyes, and as she looked out, she raised a hand, placing it against the window at shoulder level. Her gaze trained to where she had tried to use a N2 mine to stop Zeurel, and failed. She had almost died then, as he had sent one of his monomolecular arms through the head of Unit-00, narrowly missing where she had sat in her entry plug. Both Asuka and herself had failed to stop the angel, and had forced Shinji to come back to fight in Unit-01. Rei felt that she had once again failed to protect him. Sadness surged within her at this, threatening to cause her to break down.

Reluctantly, Rei clamped her will over her emotions. As much as she wanted to release her emotions, she knew that this was not the time. _I will have time later. When I-..._ "When I'm alone..." she whispered, a single tear sliding down her face. She quickly wiped it away, mild annoyance on her face. Once again, Rei thought back to the battle with the sixteenth angel, her facial expression unreadable, tears welling up in her eyes in spite of her will, though they did not fall. _You lived, and no one died with me. I should be happy about that. When Armisael was trying to take you, I was forced by him to look at myself, and how I felt being alone. He offered me a chance to be one with him, to never have to be alone again._

Rei leaned her head against the window lightly, sighing as she remembered the angel's offer._ I was tempted, yet I realized that the angel was not who I wished to be with. When I finally realized the person that I wished to become one with was you, Shinji, I... When I realized that, the decision to sacrifice myself to save you was easy. If it meant defying Commander Ikari, and even my own mission, the mission which I was created for, so long as you lived..._ The tears that had welled up a moment earlier started to fall. Rei leaned back from the window, and reached up with both hands, wiping them away, angry at both the tears and the totality of her sadness at that moment. _Now I... I wish I had let you know... How I felt about you. How I still feel about you..._

Rei brought her hands down from her face, forcing calm into her being, though the sadness within her still fought to be released. _I said I would have no regrets._ She focused her attention from the Geofront to her own reflection._ The past is unalterable. I do not know how, but I know that I cannot have you Shinji. And yet, it hurts, almost physically, to know that I can never become one with you. _Rei closed her eyes and drew in a breath, then released is softly, her sadness leaving grudgingly as she did so. _But perhaps, with my new understanding of my emotions, I can be a friend to you..._ She smiled softly at her reflection, pleased at the path her feelings for Shinji were now following. Rei still felt a pang of regret, yet it was not as intense as it had been. "I do have regrets..." she admitted, her voice slightly above a whisper, "But so long as you are happy, Shinji, I can let the regrets fade away, and try to find that happiness for myself. To be your friend, and to find happiness for myself. This would be... Agreeable..."

Rei turned back to the hallway, and continued on her way towards the nursing station. As she did so, a startling realization came to the surface of her mind. _I'm already changing... I knew with the return of my memories and emotions I would change, yet to do so in such a quick manner..._ Rei contemplated for a moment, trying to decide how she felt about the suddenness of the change. _I don't think I mind it, really._

As Rei approached the nursing station, she schooled her face towards a neutral expression, though it was not her former emotionless mask. Rei thought back to earlier that morning, after she had finished her shower. She had wiped off the mirror, and gasped in shock at how _dead_ she had looked. _Was I always like that, when controlling my emotions? _She remembered how she used to feel about interpersonal contact, and her cool aloofness towards other people, and shook her head lightly in self-directed exasperation._ I was, and that is why so few people ever tried to approach me, let alone befriend me... That must have also been a large part of why Pilo-... Why Sohryu called me a doll. I will have to attempt to close the rift I unintentionally created with her._

Rei stepped up to the nursing station, and the blonde haired nurse behind the counter turned towards her, a pleasant smile on her face. The nurse recognized Rei immediately, and she did not seem distressed by Rei's appearance. "How can I help you, Pilot Ayanami?"

Rei smiled slightly, her smile pleasant, but her overall expression was a little crestfallen from her most recent thoughts. She felt herself tense slightly as she prepared to speak, as she was worried about how people would react to the change in demeanor that she had noticed earlier. "I would like to visit Pilot Sohryu. However, I don't know what room she is in."

"That would make it two visitors for her this morning." the nurse said, looking at a hardcopy list on a clipboard. "According to the guest list, Pilot Ikari came in to visit her earlier today, and is still here. Asuka is in room 303 of the Cranial Nerve Department..." There was a tone in her voice that Rei couldn't exactly place, other than the fact that it contained mild curiosity. The nurse looked back to Rei, her expression unreadable. "It's good to see you in better condition than the last time you were here, Pilot Ayanami. After your Evangelion exploded, some of us were worried that we had lost one of our protectors... And when you came back to consciousness..." She let the thought trail off, and Rei knew that she did not need to illuminate further. She had changed noticeably after her sacrifice, so much so that even people such as the nurse, who rarely saw her, were able to notice the change.

Rei's smile widened slightly as she understood that the nurse was curious about her sudden change of demeanor. "Yes... Actually, I believe that I am better than I have ever been. After the explosion, I was..." Rei paused as she sought a way to explain things without revealing too much. "I was thrust into a dilemma about my own mortality, you might say..."

"Well, I can understand that, considering how close you pilots have came to death so many times..." The nurse nodded in understanding, smiling at Rei's statement, a light undertone of ironic humor in her voice as she continued. "Though I doubt I could in the same manner as you... After all, you're fighting directly with those monsters and I'm stuck cowering in a shelter!" The nurse laughed lightly at this statement, drawing a very small chuckle from Rei.

Rei relaxed as the nurse spoke, happy at the ease with which she was speaking with the nearly complete stranger. She had seen the nurse before, of course, but had never interacted directly with her. "Yes, that would change one's perspective... In a way, though, _you_ are braver than we are, those of you that are not pilots..." At the nurse's quizzical expression, Rei continued, "You stay here, providing support, and in your case, healing, with the shelters as your protection.."

"Well," the nurse said, her smile turning embarrassed, "We all do our part..."

"Indeed." Rei said simply, as she allowed a small look of curiosity to cross her face, and spoke to the nurse again. "You mentioned that Pilot Ikari was visiting her as well... How long has Shinji been here?"

Unknown to either of the two at the nursing station, another person was standing just out of sight around the side of the nursing station, opposite of Rei. Kieko Yamada had been about to emerge from the hallway, but stopped as she heard Rei's soft voice mentioning Shinji. Against her better judgment, she decided to wait and listen to the conversation, to find out why that beautiful young woman was curious about Shinji. _What are you doing, Kieko?_ she asked herself condescendingly_. Don't think for a moment that you have something to be jealous about from her..._

"Let me check..." the nurse looked at the clock, then consulted the guest list, the barest hint of irony in her smile as she caught the use of Shinji's first name by Rei. "He has been here since a little bit before eight thirty this morning." The nurse smiled an apologetically to Rei, and added, "The two of you will have to leave for a little bit around eleven thirty, though. Asuka is scheduled for an exam at that time."

"That is alright," Rei said, her voice calm, but somewhat embarrassed, a slight blush forming on her cheeks. "I have something rather important to discuss with Shinji."

"Indeed?" The nurse asked simply, her smile widening a little, here eyes showing with an almost lewd gleam as she noticed Rei's blush. Rei's blush deepened a little at the implication in the smile, and covered more of her face.

Rei responded, her voice still calm, though holding a more noticeable amount of embarrassment. "Yes. We will probably be gone before the examination, so that is not a problem."

"Really. I'm sure the nurses over there will appreciate it, considering that they have to be out of work early." The nurse Rei was speaking to leaned forward slightly, her voice dropping, her tone becoming quiet, as if asking for about a secret. "Can I ask you something?" Rei noticed that the gleam in her eyes was still there, but it was subdued slightly by honest curiosity. She nodded after a moment of thought, deeming that if the question was too personal, or too classified, she could decline to answer. "I know that this isn't a completely proper question, but, well, even though he's young, Pilot Ikari is quite handsome, and I have always wondered if any of you pilots have dated?"

__

Marisa, I'm going to strangle _you!_ Was the first thought that crossed Kieko's mind. In fact, she barely stopped herself from walking around the corner and doing just that. _Calm down, Kieko, it's not like she knows... But, oh, if you don't stop soon, Marisa..._ Kieko leaned against the wall for a moment, trying to calm herself, then brought her attention back to listening as she heard Ayanami's voice again 

Rei blushed furiously at the sudden, blunt innocence of the question, the blush going below the line of her uniform collar, and moving above the line of her scalp. Before, even with her second existence, she would have been confused by the question at best, completely ignorant of the reasons for the question at worst. Not now however. Had she been expecting the question, or perhaps if she had not recently been mulling over her feelings for Shinji, perhaps she would not have been caught so off guard. When Rei answered, her voice was full of embarrassed consternation, but also humor at both her reaction and the situation in general.

"No, ahm..." She took a deep breath, regaining her composure, the blush receding slowly. "Neither Asuka or myself have dated Shinji. Not that it hasn't been a possibility..." _What am I saying?_ Rei thought, her last statement shocking her quite profoundly. _Was it ever a possibility? I am not sure..._ Rei felt her embarrassment rising again, and barely forced her emotions down before another blush started. She decided to continue by changing subjects slightly, "In fact, neither of us have been on a date with either of the male pilots... Though Suzuhara-san and one of our classmates became very close after..." Rei's voice trailed off, and the nurse nodded in understanding, as she remembered the girl who had come to visit the Fourth Child nearly every day after the tragic events surrounding the thirteenth angel.

"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you, Pilot Ayanami. And I believe you're right, about Pilot Suzuhara and Hikari. I spoke to her on a several occasions when she was down about what happened to Suzuhara, before they moved him and most of the civilians to Tokyo-2. They seemed quite close...." Her tone was sincere, and a little bit somber mentioning Toji and Hikari.

__

Marisa, shut the hell up and let her go to Sohryu's room, dammit! Kieko shouted mentally. She drew a quiet, calming breath, and walked around the corner, into the nursing station, acting as if nothing were amiss. "I'm starting my second rounds, Marisa, and Hikaru should be down for her paperwork any minute." she glanced towards Rei, nodding towards the girl. "Good morning, Pilot Ayanami."

"Nurse Yamada." Rei answered simply, her voice pleasant, and returned Kieko's nod with a nod that was more of a bow with just her head. It was a ritual that the two had shared since about a week after Rei's first synchronization test had hospitalized her. Rei thought about that for a moment, remembering her reaction of confusion and, strangely, gratitude. It was strange to her now, as she thought back, that she had felt gratitude, when she took into account how she had felt about her own life at the time.Rei had been sleeping, and had just come out of her coma. She had suffered one of her rare nightmares a terrible one that had caused her to rip the bandages along her back loose. Since the bandages had been soaked in dried blood, the stitches underneath had been essentially glued to the bandages, and had also come loose. The way she had been covered to keep warm, however, had hidden the blood loss. She would have died had Kieko not been in the room checking on her status, and decided to check on her EKG connections. When she had removed the blankets covering Rei, she had noticed the large quantity of blood soaking the sheets directly around the young woman. It was only through Kieko's quick actions in calling the doctor on duty so he could repair her stitches, and administering blood that had allowed Rei to live.

Rei was about to depart when she noticed something just visible above the neckline of Marisa's uniform. She felt an almost uncontrollable urge to comment on it as she realized that the mark was a hickey. _Why do I feel such a strong need to comment on that? Is it not a good thing that she had found someone to be that comfortable with?_ Her own question was answered by the memory of the nurse's question about Shinji, and it was settled within her about what she would do.

Not that she wanted to torment the young woman about the mark, but the urge was on the verge of being uncontrollable. She was actually concerned about how she knew what the mark was. Not to mention the fact that she had never had much interest in that side of male-female interactions. _At least, not before Evanna returned my memories. Why, and how, do I know these things? And why am I feeling so free with her emotions?_ Her thoughts were almost angry, as she asked the questions that Evanna said would be answered soon.

She cast the thoughts aside as a small, mischievous smile threatened to beam through her facial control, though it did show in her eyes. As she looked a little closer, she noticed that there was another mark, just a little bit down and in towards Marisa's breasts. Rei quickly glanced at the badge on the nurse's left breast, getting her last name. Rei spoke softly, just loud enough for the three at the nursing station to hear.

"Ah, Nurse McMillan?" as Marissa glanced over from Kieko, Rei brought her left hand up, indicating where the mark was on the woman's neck, and pointing along the direction of the hickeys. "I believe marks like that should be kept a _little _more discreet..." Rei held her voice deadpan. She was rewarded with two reactions. First, both nurses at the nursing station dropped their mouths open in mild shock that she had made the joke. Then Kieko put a hand to her mouth, trying to stifle a laugh. A blush at least as deep as Rei's earlier blush had been spread over Marisa's face and neck. When Rei smiled a small, humor filled smile, and laughed very softly, Marisa started to stammer an attempt to minimize the effect Rei's simple statement had on her. Soon enough, she began to laugh a bit self-consciously, making sure her collar was in place to hide the marks her boyfriend had made earlier that morning.

"Well, uhm... What can I say? My fiancé was happy when I said yes..." She blushed a little bit deeper, her left thumb fondling the ring on her ring finger. "In fact, I'm about as happy as Hikari seemed to be with Suzuhara... I wish _everyone_ could feel that way..."

"Congratulations on your engagement." Rei's smile widened, and her eyes softened into a look of profound happiness. "I wish you the best of luck with him. I only hope that I can find that kind of happiness with someone, in time..." Rei's let her smile fade slightly, a generally content look taking to her face. "I really shouldn't take anymore of your time, though. Have a pleasant morning, Nurse McMillan," she turned her head and nodded to Kieko, "Nurse Yamada." With that, she left, heading towards Asuka's room a slight spring in her step.

"Oh, my god, I didn't expect _anything_ like that from _her_!" Marisa exclaimed after Rei was safely out of earshot, her tone approving and disgruntled about what had happened. There was still a slight blush to her face, but it was fading at a steady pace. "I guess _everyone's_ starting to come out of their shell since everything has calmed down." When no response came from Kieko, she looked over, seeing that Kieko had stopped laughing, and was in fact looking quite vacant, as she stared off into space at the spot Rei had occupied just a moment before. "Um, Kieko? Kieko!" She waved her hand in front of Kieko's face for a moment before getting a response. It was the last response she had been expecting. Kieko's eyes glazed over with the first hint of tears, and she flinched as if slapped. "Hey! Are you alright?" Marisa asked sharply.

"I, I'm fine, Marisa..." Kieko protested weakly, her protest sounding hollow even to her own ears.

"Bullshit! I know that there's something bugging the hell out of you, Kieko! I'm your friend, and I know you well enough to tell that!" Marisa's voice was almost cold, and came across much sharper than she had intended, but it did hold compassion for her friend. She hoped that it would be enough to help her friend open up and talk about it.

Kieko looked down to the floor between her feet, and closed her eyes, drawing in a deep, shuddering breath. She was scared, about many things at that moment. Not the least of which was the fact that she _had_ to talk to someone about what was bothering her. She opened her eyes, looking into Marisa's eyes. "I... Um, Marisa, earlier when you said you'd listen if I needed to talk?" at Marissa's nod, she continued, the fear in her eyes and voice rising slightly as she did so. "I... There's something I really need to talk about, and soon. I'd like to talk to you about it, if you'd be willing..."

Marisa smiled despite how heavily the emotions of the moment were weighing against both women. "Of course, I'll listen. When would you like to talk?"

"Before our lunch break... I'll go talk to the head nurse if you'd like me to, but I _have_ to talk about this before then... OK?" Her voice was serious, and almost pleading as she looked at her friend.

Marisa smiled, nodding at the younger woman before commenting herself. "I'll talk to the head nurse, Kieko, I'm almost done with morning rounds anyway. You get to your rounds, OK?"

"OK..." Kieko responded in a small voice. She sighed, raising her voice to be more easily heard by her friend. "Thanks, Marisa. It, ah, it means a lot..."

"Anytime, Kieko..." Marisa watched as her friend looked to the spot that Rei had been standing in, then looked down the hall Rei had gone down. As Kieko walked away, Marisa sighed softly, and hoped her friend would tell her what was bothering her.

****

Elsewhere, Somewhen. Asuka Langley Sohryu's Mindscape.

Shinji Ikari slowly swam back to the realm of consciousness. He felt as if he had been unconscious for some time, though he doubted that it had been more than a half-hour. He felt around with his hands, since he could not see, even though his eyes were open. He felt a hard, unyielding surface beneath him, and pushed himself into a sitting position. He looked around, the field of blackness around him causing a mixture of fear and anger to well up within him. He was about to call out to Evanna when patterns of light once again erupted around him, reminding him disturbingly of the visual display inside of an Eva as it ran through it's start up cycle.

__

What is_ this?_ he asked, his fear subsiding, but his anger remaining, now enhanced by annoyance due to his lack of knowledge. He was still surrounded by darkness, but now he could see light before him, at perhaps one hundred meters distance. Slowly, he stood, and began walking towards the light. When he was at a distance of about ten meters from the source of light, it resolved itself from formless light into a form with a very distinct shape. He screamed involuntarily, as he was confronted by the life size visage of Unit-02, it's eyes glowing with an unearthly white light. The eyes narrowed as he screamed, in either amusement and annoyance, or possibly both. Either way, Shinji only knew that he was definitely intimidated.

"Who are you? How have you gained access to this place and why have you come here?" a voice intoned, female but demonic at the same time. To his surprise, it was not Asuka's voice. The giant machine bent over him, making its presence even more imposing.

He was about to answer, but was interrupted by the cool and somewhat amused voice of Evanna. "I believe you already know who Shinji is. I am Evanna, and I believe you already know who I am..." Shinji had not the slightest idea why Unit-02's visage was here, yet he was even more dumfounded when Evanna said that Unit-02 knew who she was. He calmed his wondering thoughts as Evanna continued, with only a slight pause for emphasis on her last statement. "We are here to speak with Asuka Langley Sohryu, and hopefully help her from her current state... If we, and the pilot of Unit-00 when she arrives, may have permission to do so." Shinji was shocked to realize that although she had spoken in German, and he had understood what was said. He felt a little nervous as the eyes of Unit-02 narrowed dangerously, and a soft, reverberating growl escaped from the depths of its immense form.

"You, I can trust... I even trust Ayanami enough to let her into this place..." At the pause in Unit-02's speaking, Shinji began to feel nervous. He felt the eyes of Unit-02 boring into him, as if to look into his soul. "Him, I don't know about. I don't believe it would be a very good idea to let him so close to her." The tone in her voice was both matter of fact, as well as holding the note of accusation, as if he had committed a crime of great magnitude against Asuka. "Asuka has extremely mixed feelings about him, and it may do more harm than..."

"You already know what she's seeing now, and what she has been seeing before, don't you?" Evanna asked, her tone even. At an affirmative, almost angry nod from Unit-02, Evanna continued. "She has been forced off of her prior mental track, as seeing that horrible incident is even more harmful than anything Shinji-kun could do, don't you agree? Besides, seeing her earlier life might-..." Evanna was interrupted as a frustrated, angry growl escaped from Unit-02, and it stood to it's full height, it's eyes now wide with rage.

"You had no right!" the giant intoned, hurting Shinji's ears with its volume, so that he was forced to cover his ears with his hands. Evanna merely stood still, as if the sound was of no consequence.

"She would have continued on like that until death, is that what you wanted?" Evanna asked simply, yet compassionately. With this simple logic presented in such a blunt manner, Unit-02 seemed to crumple into its self, falling apart and disintegrating into dust before their eyes. As Shinji stood transfixed, even horrified, by the sight. Shinji thought for a moment that he could make out a silhouette of a woman before the crumbling form of Unit-02 obscured her from view. "I'm sorry to have said that is such a manner, and for what I've put your..." Evanna paused for a span of heartbeats and glanced to Shinji before continuing. "For what I've put Asuka through, but it had to be done." As she spoke, a breeze blew across the field that they now stood in, stirring up the silt like remains of Unit-02.

Shinji caught the implication that Evanna had meant for him with that glance, that this was the soul trapped inside of Unit-02. From that, he presumed that meant this was, somehow, the soul of Asuka's mother, but he felt the need to know for sure, and spoke his mind before either of the women he was standing with could. "Are you Asuka's mother? Are you inside Unit-02 like my mother is?" His voice was slightly nervous, but even as he asked the question.

"Yes, I am Kyouko Zeppelin Sohryu, Asuka's mother," came the terse reply from within the rapidly dissipating cloud of dust that was once Unit-02's visage. The voice was unfamiliar to Shinji, as was the face of the plugsuited woman as she became visible. Even so, Shinji did notice a strong resemblance between the woman and Asuka, especially the woman's high cheekbones and graceful, almost delicate chin. "And yes, I am within Unit-02's core, though my situation is a bit more complicated than Yui's, Shinji-kun."

Kyouko directed her attention towards Evanna as soon as she'd answered Shinji's questions. As she did so, Shinji saw a familiar fire flare within Kyouko's eyes, one that Asuka had turned towards him on many occasions, causing him to smile internally. _Well, now I know what side of the family the fiery part of Asuka's personality came from._

"As for what you did, don't you think I know that it's necessary? Don't you think I've been trying to do the same thing you've done?" Kyouko's voice cracked, her face a mask of anguish at her failure to reach her daughter. "I haven't been able to reach her! Since that damned angel defiled my girl's mind she's done nothing but replay the time when-..." As Kyouko stopped, her head whipped back towards Shinji, her eyes locking onto his so sharply that he flinched involuntarily. "Does he know about that?" she asked, her question being directed to Evanna.

"No, I don't believe Asuka ever told him, so at the most he knows that you are here, and thus, for all intents and purposes, dead." Evanna replied evenly, though some mild annoyance was evident in her tone at the sudden change of subject.

"What are you talking about, when you what?" Shinji asked sharper than intended. He was beginning to feel more than a little annoyed by his lack of knowledge and his being kept in the dark.

"I think it would be best if my daughter explained that." Kyouko said, after taking a breath to calm herself. Her voice became softer, and she looked down, pinching the bridge of her nose as if she had a headache. "That part of her life was the hardest for her to accept, and since she still hasn't, she might not be willing to talk about it, though she may to you, Shinji."

"Do you really think she would tell him that, Kyouko?" Evanna asked, as if such a thing would be nearly impossible. "She wouldn't even open up to you because of the pain it caused her..."

"You know as well as I how she feels about him, Evanna! If he asked Asuka, then yes, I think she would tell him, if for no other reason than because of how she feels for him..." interrupted Kyouko, her face clouded by a chaotic mix of emotions. "I've told you enough times when the three of us spoke." she paused, looking down for a moment, a somewhat guilty cast taking to her features. "At least before Asuka retreated so far within herself... "

"Yes, I understand that... Still, it _is_ hard to believe she would open up like that. Even if she does, we may need your help to bring Asuka out of her coma... But if nothing else, she wouldn't be on the mental path that she was on, if he talks to her..." Evanna's voice was hopeful, yet almost pleading to Shinji's ears, as she spoke to Kyouko.

"You're sure that his presence will help her?" Kyouko asked, her eyes narrowed slightly with concern.

"I wouldn't hurt Asuka, at least not on purpose!" Shinji said sharply, his annoyance finally breaking, surprising himself with his own vehemence. Then he became slightly melancholy, his "Although, if what she wrote in her note to Misato is true, I may already be too late on that..."

"What do you mean?" Kyouko said sharply. At Shinji's shocked expression, Kyouko looked over to Evanna, her eyes narrowing further, in more of an angry manner. "Show me..." she said to Evanna, taking another deep breath to relax. "Please, show me, from when he first met her..."

Evanna hesitated, looking back and forth between Kyouko and Shinji uncertainly for a moment, before sighing and looking at Shinji apologetically. "Relax for a moment, Shinji-kun..." Shinji was about to protest, but was stalled by the pleading expression on Evanna's face. "Please, Shinji-kun, we will need her help to bring Asuka back..."

Shinji mulled this over for a moment before nodding wordlessly. Evanna came over to him, and placed her hands on both of his temples, causing him to become tense. "Relax, Shinji-kun, please, or it will cause you a great deal of pain." Slowly, he relaxed, and felt as if he were falling into a sleep once again, yet he did not completely loose consciousness. Soon after, he felt the nearby presence of Kyouko, and then felt dizzy as he saw memories of Asuka pass before his eyes. At the same moment, he felt a brief stab of pain, as if a day long headache had been forced onto him in the span of less than a second, then he felt the pain fade, as quickly as it came. He saw all of his memories of Asuka, felt all the emotions connected to the memories, all of his dreams and fantasies of her, up to just before he entered Asuka's hospital room that day. As Evanna stepped away from him, he felt an odd sensation, similar to the times when he had disengaged synchronization with Unit-01.

He fidgeted slightly he noticed that Kyouko was studying him closely. _Well,_ thought Kyouko, analytically, _he doesn't seem to want only sex, like most boys his age do... He has a very mature view on what kind of relationship he wants, both emotionally and physically. A bit introverted, but he seems to be overcoming that, so any relationship he is in shouldn't lead to dependency... He's caring, clean, he can even cook. If he wouldn't have met that nurse, I would have loved to have him dating my daughter._ She smiled slightly at this thought, remembering her own past tribulations with love, and nodded as she made a decision. _Ah well, love is fickle... _As she thought this, a look of understanding, and something else, an odd mixture of both disapproval and approval at once, took to her face.

"Shinji, I will ask only one thing of you..." Kyouko whispered, her voice full of contrasting emotions, yet there was a hint of steel as strong as an Eva's armor underneath it. "Do this, and I will help you in any way I can..."

"What do you want me to do?" Shinji asked simply, somewhat nervous at the undercurrent of her voice.

"Be honest with Asuka, please? Tell her how you feel about her, let her know..." her voice faltered slightly, not sure whether to protect her daughter from the pain of what she was about to ask of Shinji, or to protect her from greater pain if she did not ask him. "Tell her about the nurse you met, Kieko, is her name if I-..."

Shinji smiled an open, yet slightly shy smile when he heard what she wanted fro him. He was so relieved that he interrupted her before she could finish her last statement. "I was already planning on telling her about how I feel, Mrs. Sohryu!" His exuberance took on a bit of melancholy as he remembered what Asuka had written in her note to Misato, and his tone was slightly subdued as he spoke. "Though if what she wrote in her letter to Misato was true, then I'll end up hurting her by telling her about Kieko..."

Kyouko smiled softly, heartened by Shinji's concern for her daughter. _He cares so much... Why couldn't she see that sooner?_ she thought, then spoke aloud to him, "If you tell her how you feel, _and_ you're honest with her, I believe she will accept it." Her tone was warm as she spoke of her daughter, drawing a smile from Shinji.

"It's settled then. Shinji, you will have to speak with Asuka alone for a time, I have some things to discuss with Kyouko. As soon as Rei is here, I will join the two of you, and shortly afterwards, as will Rei." Evanna had a slightly tense, but also slightly relieved smile on her face, as she turned to speak with Kyouko.

Shinji looked around, a bemused smile replacing his previous smile as he realized that he had no idea whatsoever as to where he had to go. He doubted very much that the layout of this place was in any way familiar to him. "Um... Where exactly do I have to go?"

Both Evanna and Kyouko stopped talking in mid sentence, a slight blush touching both of their faces. Kyouko spoke first, a laugh at the edge of her voice. "Just follow the light over there, Shinji," she replied, pointing to a dim, but beautifully colored light in the distance, that danced lightly, much like the Aurora Borealis. "You should find her soon enough."

Shinji's smile broadened, and he gave a small bow to the two women. "Thank you." he said simply, but with a very pleased tone to his voice. _I know that I failed to help you before, Asuka. But now that I can, I promise that I'll do everything in my power to do so!_ With that thought in mind, he set off towards the wavering lights.

When Shinji was out of earshot, Evanna looked back to Kyouko. "Asuka will be heartbroken when she finds out." Evanna said without preamble, her voice was filled with a compassion and sorrow for Asuka.

"Yes, as will Rei. She doesn't know everything, of what has happened since the death of Tabris, does she?" Kyouko asked in return, her voice conveying the same emotions as Evanna's, as well as frustration at how events had unfolded.

Evanna shook her head negatively. "No, she doesn't know about Shinji's interest in Kieko." She smiled wryly, looking back to Kyouko for a moment. "When she finds out, she will be troubled... She has a great deal of respect for Nurse Yamada, as she usually calls her. Yamada saved Rei's life once..."

Kyouko nodded in understanding, her voice concerned as she spoke, "What will be harder for her, though, the fact that she loved Shinji, or that she is essentially his sis-...?" 

"Both will be hard for her... Very hard, in fact, that's why I will present myself to Shinji and Asuka before Rei does. I am more worried about the fact that I have given her not only to her emotions and memories, but the understanding of those emotions, as well..." Evanna worried at her lip lightly for a moment, then released it before continuing. "Returning her memories and emotions I saw no problems with, but..."

"I understand, Evanna..." Kyouko said softly, her voice tinged with deep concern. "But we decided to do this when we last spoke, after Rei's second self died. I agree that we should be _concerned_ about the negative possibilities of our actions." Kyouko sat down on a chair in the simple lounge that the two women were now in, followed shortly by Evanna. "Adjusting the psychological balance of _anyone_ can be cause for concern, but especially with her... How well did it go?"

Evanna sighed heavily, leaning forward where she sat, resting her right elbow on her knee and her chin on her upturned palm, her eyes distant as she thought. "I was able to fully integrate her second existence's memories and psychological controls into her current psyche without incident... In fact, it seemed as if she welcomed and helped with that..." She sat back into the comfortable chair, resting her arms on the chair's arms. She looked out of a window that had appeared, peering onto a pleasant outdoor scene, one that seemed to have come from before Second Impact, as the leaves were the cacophony of reds, oranges, yellows and browns that autumn used to bring with it. The view calmed her, allowing her to think more clearly.

"I was able to remove the drive to join with Adam from the angel side of her id, and adjusted her superego as planned, giving a more normal balance between them, yet..." Evanna let the statement hang for a moment, until Kyouko shifted her position slightly. "With the knowledge that we infused within her psyche, as well as the instincts she already had, I just don't know how things will turn out. Don't forget where a large part of her instincts come from, Kyouko, and how much trouble Yui and yourself had readjusting that third of my psychological self..."

"Yes, Evanna, but we were delving into new territory..." Kyouko said, deep in contemplation, her gaze also taken in by the scene outside of the window. "We had no knowledge of what _exactly _to do, and we made some lucky educated guesses. With the knowledge we gained from helping you when you asked us to know more of humanity, and to become more a part of humanity. Combined with your knowledge of Rei's psyche, it should have been a relatively smooth procedure."

"Yes, but unlike her, I received _all_ of Lilith's instincts, not to mention the desire I already had to join with Adam. The techniques used to clear my mind may be different than clearing her mind. There is the _possibility_ that the adjustments will not take hold in the way we hope, or that the results will be severely skewed in an disagreeable manner..." Evanna glanced from the window for a moment, and smiled at Kyouko's sour expression. Not that she enjoyed causing discomfort to the woman, as they had become friends, but she was gratified that she had found a sticking point that even Kyouko was concerned with.

"Yes, Rei only received _half_ of Lilith's DNA. However, it seems that she received more of the maternal and pairing instincts from Lilith's DNA." Kyouko looked over to Evanna, and was surprised to see a blush spreading across Evanna's pale face. "She is very protective of Shinji, and those very instincts are probably why she developed her feelings towards him _despite_ her will or Commander Ikari's wishes otherwise. Where did the problem come in?"

"Rei's willpower is the _only_ good thing to come out of her being raised by Commander Ikari!" Evanna said tartly, Commander Ikari's name sounding more like a curse. "As for a problem... I don't know, it's just that I'm worried about her. Her first few years of memories were not any that I needed to bother with. In fact, at that time, Commander Ikari was what could be considered a doting father to her, taking care of her and schooling her quite effectively. But a little after she turned seven, he started to indoctrinate a social shell around her, so she would close herself off from most people. Then he started to convince her that she was not only replaceable, but she was not even truly herself." Evanna's tone was angry when she said that, and dangerous.

Kyouko looked back to Evanna, who was now looking up at the ceiling and gripping the arms of the chair quite firmly. "Evanna, both Yui and I know what he did to Rei. Even Yui is angry with Gendou about that. And as unfortunate as her death was, it was actually for the best that it happened, as we couldn't have done this with Rei's second self. She was already starting to come out of her shell, and would have been quite against interference." Evanna nodded, silent tears rolling down her cheeks as she thought of the way Rei had been manipulated, and Kyouko reached out with her right hand, clasping Evanna's left hand, the look on her face a mix of understanding, anger, and compassion. Kyouko did not like the way Commander Ikari had stripped Rei of her individuality and self worth any more than Evanna and wanted the other woman to understand that. "Now she should be able to be even more independent of his manipulations. Soon, hopefully, she will be more of a "normal" young woman, perhaps just a bit shy..." Kyouko thought for a moment, then added, "At least as normal as a young woman who was a pilot of a seventy plus meter bio-mechanical humanoid can be..."

Both women laughed briefly at that, and Evanna smiled apologetically, looking back to her friend before continuing. "When it comes to her _instincts_... Lilith's maternal instincts are laudable, but it's the pairing part of what I'm worried about!" Kyouko noticed that Evanna seemed to be in thought when she mentioned this. Evanna's blush intensified as she saw something only visible to her. "Don't forget that Lilith was a seductress. And her knowledge of the acts, _all_ acts, of seduction, are there on an instinctual level." Kyouko nodded thoughtfully, understanding Evanna's concern now. She smiled reassuringly at Evanna, as the other woman finished her statement. "She has not just the intellectual knowledge of sex, but the _physical_ knowledge of it, thanks to Lilith's genetic makeup."

Kyouko gave Evanna's hand one last squeeze, before standing, drawing Evanna into a sisterly hug. "I have faith in Rei, and I know that you do too. She'll be fine! It'll work out in the end, you'll see..." Both women laughed before Evanna pulled out of the hug, and stepped away from Kyouko.

"I presume you'll be watching for the best time to join us?" Her voice was more hopeful than it had been a moment before, and there was even a smile on her face as she stepped into the darkness now surrounding them.

"Yes... I'll be there, Evanna, count on it!" The two friends exchanged a smile before the darkness surrounded them, taking them to their destinations within the space they were in.

Shinji knew none of this. He had made his way over to the area the lights were in, and although the lights seemed far away, he was soon walking among them. The moment he passed the outer barrier of the lights, he felt a warm, welcoming embrace. He knew the area for dozens of meters was clear of obstructions, so he closed his eyes, letting the warmth of the embrace wash over him. As he walked on, though, he felt the embrace fade. He stopped and stood still, feeling that he was no longer standing among the swirling lights of the aurora, but in a building of some kind. Slowly, Shinji opened his eyes and lowered his arms...


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Studio Gainax owns Neon Genesis Evangelion. Any other name, or product, are registered, trademarked, and copyrighted by their respective owners. Should they, or their affiliates, request it, I shall remove this fan fiction from the Web. Thank you.**

" " : Indicates spoken words.

_italics _: Indicate thoughts.

] [ : Indicates radio transmissions.

**Aberrant Impact**

Chapter 8

**Munich, German Republic, 2015; 1:43 A.M. (****10:43 A.M.**** Tokyo-3 time)** Selee World Headquarters, Subterrenean Level 5, Thaumaturgy Room 4

Within the lower levels of Selee World Headquarters were rooms that almost no one, even those within the corporation known as Sellee, knew about. They were a total of sixty four rooms, four rooms for each of the members of the twelve members of the Selee Council. The rooms were special rooms, very special indeed. For within these rooms were practiced arts that many considered to be quite forbidden. The arts of thaumaturgy, and of hermetic and religious prediction were practiced, all in the name of bringing fruition to Selee's grand design for the world. All to confirm that the scenario that had been hundreds of years in planning would come to pass, and that any aberrations would be reported and dealt with accordingly. Among these rooms stood one of no real, discernable difference from the others. And truth be told, there was no real difference, at least on the outside. It was the person who used the room that made the difference. The room was denoted with the identification of being the "First Room of Predictions". It was so named because its regular occupant was able to most accurately, and reliable see possible problems within the plan. The room she was in was exactly five meters across all three directions of axis, with the entrance door at the bottom center of one wall. It was a well lit room, considering the light source. It was lit by candles, the total number being forty seven. There were ten candles each of red, blue, orange, and green, one color set up at the four lowest corners of the room. Within the room was a circle, perfectly round and carved into the floor. Within the circle was inscribed a hexagram, a pointed star within a hexagon. At the point that the star met the hexagon were circles. At each of these points was a candle, with one color representing each of the three primary colors of the color spectrum, one each of the secondary colors of the spectrum. In the exact center of the room was placed a candle that was a spiral of white, gray, and black. All had been lit by the subordinates of the lone occupant of the room at very specific intervals designed by the young woman standing just inside the outer edge of the circle. Just a meter in front of her was another circle, with arcane symbols of power and protection surrounding it, as well as a small writing desk with a laptop and a few bits of esoteric components for various rituals that could be performed in this place.

To anyone looking in upon the single inhabitant of the room, they would have presumed that the person was in some kind of odd religious ritual, or offering some kind of penance. The room's occupant, Helen Lorentz, smiled at this thought, standing with her arms akimbo, in preparation for the trances that allowed her to perform as she did. Her moderately wide, naturally ruby red lips parting slightly in a rare, self indulgent smile, revealing naturally perfect white teeth. _So many people would think me some kind of magician or wizard for my abilities, or that perhaps that my father and his name allowed me to attain my position here… But he wouldn't allow that, not at the risk of everything he has worked so hard to accomplish._ She didn't love her father, but she did respect him. She had loved her mother, but her mother had died in Paris during Second Impact. That was the way of life, and she had long ago accepted the loss of her mother._ It's so hard for others to do this, because they don't understand that it's just a simple matter of focus… Focus and logic, and a good degree of mathematical knowledge as well, but that can be compensated for…. So simple, but I'm one of the very few that can do it…_ She forced her thoughts to calm as she laughed lightly.

Helen moved her hands from their resting place on her shapely, slightly narrow hips to her knees as she slowly knelt, then sat on smooth marble of the floor. She folded her long, athletic legs in front of her, sitting cross legged. She then moved her hands from her knees to smooth her simple robes to her body before replacing them on her knees. _If not for the fact that these damn robs are actually comfortable for sitting here, I'd probably wear spandex._ She almost laughed aloud at her comment, but kept her face schooled into a neutrally pleased expression. _Wouldn't _that_ make some of the old men have a conniption…_ Her torso was athletically thin, and she had somewhat wide, smoothly muscled shoulders. Her breasts, while not particularly large, were esthetically perfect in shape and she had never heard complaints from the men she had known about their size. Her face was one of classic European beauty, with a narrow, thin nose, wide, high cheeks, a narrow chin and gracefully angular jaw line. Here eyes were attractively wide set, and were a piercing light blue, the kind that seemed to look into ones soul, and what she considered to be her most attractive feature. _The time is almost perfect._ she thought. To clear her mind, she started to hum randomly until a tune settled into her head. When the woman realized what song she had started to hum, she changed to singing the song softly in her native German language. The words of Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" filled the room, the song flowing perfectly, and without any misstep, as well they should from a twenty nine year old woman who had known the song since she was four years old.

As Helen found the center of her self and her mind cleared, she remembered the last time she had heard the song hummed. It had been done by a young man whom her father had been speaking to. He had been quite handsome for his young age. He held his lithe, attractive body, a body that had just started to grow into its maturity, with a grace and bearing that was very regal, something unusual for one of his age. His face had been quite pleasant, with softly angular lines framed by his tousled gray hair, and soft, alluring pink eyes. After she had given her father her report, the young man had asked to speak to her. He had introduced himself as Kawaru Nagisa. They had shared several long, interesting conversations after that, and she had considered him a friend. He had even told her who he truly was, that he was Tabris, the Angel of Free Will. She had been shocked, to say the least, but she had accepted it with his explanation that he was of no harm to her or those she cared for. That had been a great relief to her, for the only person she truly loved was her eight year old daughter, Estelle. _It was a pity that you had to leave here, you're presence was quite soothing, and I enjoyed the conversations we shared together. Had you been older, perhaps there would have been more between us than friendship. I wonder what you're doing now, Kawaru, are you comfortable? Are you even alive?_

Although it would seem strange to anyone unfamiliar with the techniques she used to think of an attractive young man at such a time, Helen knew to follow her instincts after clearing her mind and finding her center of self. The fact that she had thought of the boy led her to believe that she may be receiving a revelation somehow be related to him. She sighed softly as she opened her eyes, her focus both external and internal now. She saw a very slight variation in the form of refraction of light around her and she knew that she was in a revelation was forthcoming. _My soul's barrier is now projecting externally._ she thought, her smile widening slightly. _Soon a little bit of destiny will be revealed to me, a small piece of the future…_ Her techniques would have boggled the more traditionalist members of the elite group of Selee personnel. She was part of a small, very adept group of individuals, capable of seeing the path of destiny and the near future. And she was the best. Not because she had studied as long the thaumaturgic ways, or that she knew inherently what was going to happen next, but because she used what she had found to _work_. A little bit of kabbalistic ritualism, a bit of hermetic symbology, mathematics and applied numerology, and even something as seemingly unrelated as staring into a candle lit room. _I shouldn't be so damn melodramatic though..._ She sighed a soft laugh, and focused upon the distortions of the room. Her ability to externally focus her AT field was her most prized ability, the only thing that made her predictions as accurate as they were. For some reason, within the structure of this room, and with proper candle placement, she was able to see images through her AT field of events happening and those about to happen. It was how Selee had been able to seemingly keep one step ahead of those that would stop the will of Selee. The only ones who had been able to stay ahead of them had been NERV and their very subtle machinations against Selee. _Why are they so against us? We're not trying to destroy the world… We're trying to help Humanity…_

As Helen stared into the hazy, indistinct pattern provided by the faintly glowing outline of her AT field, she began to see an image form. _Ah, here we are…_ She smiled lightly as she saw Kawaru and another young boy, whom she knew to be Shinji Ikari, the Third Child. They were talking amiably about Shinji's friends, though Shinji seemed to be a bit depressed, yet they seemed so comfortable together. She realized that she was seeing the past, within the past two months. She saw a few more scenes of Kawaru's interaction with Shinji, on up until the last one. She watched in horror as the battle between Unit-01 and Tabris unfolded before her very eyes. She saw the final, fateful moment of Tabris' life in clear detail. His statement that Selee's plans were clever, but he would not destroy the world for them. She saw Shini enclosing Unit-01's hand around Tabris, begging for a different way, and Tabris saying that the only way was by his death. Then his soft, forgiving smile as Shinji ended his life. She also saw a vision of her father, smiling in relief as he received the news of the death of the seventeenth angel. _I do not understand this! What did he mean destroy the world? We're trying to save the world, aren't we?_ She could not ask any more questions, because she was seeing another scene, which was the present, or very close to it. She saw Shinji walking towards a young woman Helen recognized immediately. Shinji was moving very slowly, as if terrified of something. The she saw a small bit of movement, near the head of Asuka's bed, a woman wearing what appeared to be a cloak. Just as she was about to speak, the vision faded. And as the vision faded, Helen's AT field crashed back into her, as if forced back to where it's supposed to be. For an instant, she thought she had heard a voice, telling her something, but with the exhaustion of having projected her AT field externally she could not be sure.

When her AT field had been forced back into her, Helen had fallen onto her back. She lay there for several minutes, her body barely within the confines of the circle she had been sitting in. With a pained, tired breath, she levered herself up, breathing slowly and concentrating upon her own form, making sure her AT field was fully surrounding her soul. Satisfied that it was, she moved towards her door, her stride purposeful. She opened the door carefully, so as not to disturb the candles that were already lit. When she closed the door, she almost ran down the hall, towards her study chamber. After a left turn at the end of the hall and a several dozen meter walk, she was at her destination. She opened the door and entered, the door almost slamming behind her. Upon seeing Helen enter in this manner, her head assistant, who had been watching a world news channel, jumped to his feet, his handsome Japanese features clouded in concern. "Miss Lor-…" he began, only to be cut off by an annoyed slash of Helen's arm.

"No time… I need you to prepare a few things for me." Her voice was not harsh, but instead fairly distant, lost in thought. Her assistant took out a data pad, preparing to jot down notes of what she would need. "First, have my daughter brought to my private chambers here, I wish to speak to her before attempting to scry again…"

"Um, yes ma'am, but… Why do you need to see your daughter, Miss Lorentz?" he said with impeccable politeness.

Helen smiled at his tone and looked intently at him, her eyes warm. "Because _something_ interfered with the scrying… And if that happens again it could kill me and there's a few things I want to tell my daughter before I try it again…" She saw the look in his eyes as he heard her reasons, concern being replaced by fear. More fear than a normal assistant, even a close one, should have had. _So you _do_ care about me above and beyond your position, eh Shoji? And all this time I merely thought you felt of me as a lover… I'm…_ Her face fell for a moment as she thought about how she felt about her lover and assistant falling in love with her. _It's been long enough since Fredrich died… I believe that I am happy with this development…_ She smiled lovingly at him, her eyes speaking volumes about how she felt at that moment. She reached out with her right hand, cupping his left cheek softly. "You're getting quite open with me, you might want to be careful… I might start to believe you love more than my body, Shoji…"

Shoji smiled a bit sheepishly, and clasped her hand in his, kissing her knuckles lightly. "I'm sorry if it bothers you, Helen… It's something I've only recently realized… If it bothers you, I could stop feeling it… Or you could get someone else…"

She gasped at him for speaking like that, her face taking an expression of honest hurt. When he smiled at her in a teasing manner, she slapped him playfully on his shoulder, and looked deeply into his eyes. "Shoji… I… I am finally starting to realize that there's more to life than this," she pointed around them, indicating the area around the both of them. "And my daughter _does_ like you… I… I care for you as well… But I have to do this, you know how I am…" She smiled as he nodded and rolled his eyes, then gasped as he took her in his arms, kissing her lips gently, so unlike how he normally kissed her. She melted into the slow, but intensely passionate kiss, moaning softly with both passion and newfound love.

As Shoji broke the kiss, she looked up into his deep, almost black colored eyes. "Helen, just be careful… I'll get whatever you need, and I'll bring Estelle here for you. Just be honest with her, OK?"

She pulled him close, hugging him tightly for a moment before releasing him. "Thank you, Shoji… I haven't felt like this for several years, don't go taking this feeling away from me, promise?" He nodded slightly, and kissed her forehead before turning away and picking up his data pad which had been dropped earlier. She smiled and shook her head, then dictated what she needed to him. After a few minutes he was leaving, to get her daughter, then the supplies she would need. _In about fifteen minutes, I'll be telling my daughter that I may be dieing soon. She's strong enough, and I know that Shoji will take care of her if I do die… In a half hour I'll be searching for the one that forced me out of that vision, and I'll find out what's going on… With everything that I've heard today… I will _know_ what's going on, even if it kills me…_

**Elsewhere, Somewhen.** Asuka Langley Sohryu's Mindscape.

Shinji Ikari was standing in a house, a fairly large house, compared to the standards he had from living in Japan all of his life. Specifically, he was standing at the entrance of a hallway. With what looked to be a living room at the opposite end. He heard a voice, laughing out an unintelligible string of happy sounding words, at the opposite end of the hallway. It was not Evanna's, or any voice he was immediately familiar with. Then he saw a young girl running in his direction, calling out excitedly and waving something that looked like a writing tablet in her hand. She looked somehow familiar, though he couldn't place where, as she was still too far away to make any details out. She apparently didn't see him, even though he was well lit by the room behind him. As she approached, he could make out more detail, such as that she looked European, and that she had longish hair that fell past her shoulders, and that she seemed to be about four years of age.

In what seemed like less than half a second, she was upon him, close enough for him to see the details that he had missed before, and make her words out clearly. The eyes were a clear, sparkling blue, full of happiness and life. Her hair was pulled back into a neat, tidy pony tail, and was a subtle brownish auburn color. The voice, though younger than the one he was most familiar with, was none the less one he knew immediately. His heart almost literally skipped a beat as the blur of a little girl ran past him. It was in this moment that he realized who she was. "Asuka…?" He whispered, his voice filled with wonder and trepidation at once, even though he had already known it was Asuka. There was no mistaking her eyes, and their clear, deep cobalt blue color. As he followed the path of the younger version of Asuka, he saw that he was in a den that had been converted into a kind of office. He didn't understand how he was here, but he decided to merely accept it for the time being, and let events unfold as they would.

"Look, Mommy, I can write sentences now!" The young girl said, holding a simple child's tabled in front of her. A woman in her mid twenties looked over from the room's computer terminal; her eyes were alight with both pride and happiness, though mildly disapproving. "See? I wrote it just for you, mommy!" She barely let the woman see what was on the paper before launching herself into her mother's arms, hugging her mother tightly.

"Asuka! It's after your bedtime, you know!" her mother scolded gently, but firmly, returning Asuka's hug lightly.

"I know, but daddy said it would be OK with you if I stayed up just a little bit if I was doing studies!" the young girl said defensively. Shinji felt another presence and looked to the side, seeing a handsome man in his late twenties walk into the room and lean against the doorjamb. He face was relaxed, and a happy, honest smile lit his face. Kyouko looked at the man, glowering slightly as if trying to be angry, but her face slowly melted from serious to tender as the girl in her arms called out. "Daddy, I was doing studies, wasn't I!" she cried, almost drawing a laugh from both parents.

"Yes, Asuka, you were. Haven't you shown your momma what you wrote?" he asked, teasingly, as he walked forward, to stand across the desk from his wife.

"I was about to…" the young girl said, her face was stuck between a pout and a happy grin as she handed her mother the notebook.

"Ok, let's see what you have here, Asuka!" she said softly, looking at the top page of the notebook. She laughed lightly as Asuka dropped down from her lap to stand before her, almost bouncing with excitement. "Now you did this all by yourself, and didn't cheat by getting your father to help you, right?"

"Nope! I did it all by myself, Momma!" Asuka spoke, both happiness and pride in her voice. Kyouko looked up at her husband, who nodded in agreement with his daughter.

"OK, I believe you." She said, almost solemnly, then looked at the simple words on the notebook. Shinji moved so he could see what was on the notebook as Kyouko brought it up in position to read the words written on it. He craned his neck, seeing the text written in German 'Ich liebe dich Mamma! Sie sind die beste Mutter in der Welt!'

Shinji was surprised when he couldn't read the German words. Then he understood Evanna's statement about being able to understand Asuka. He could understand anything he heard, but not what he saw written in a language he didn't know. _Am I inside of Asuka's mind? Are these her memories?_ He didn't expect an answer, but he felt that somehow, he was right. _It's almost like the times when I've been inside of the Eva..._

His attention was returned to the events unfolding before him as Kyouko spoke again, "Should I read it aloud, Asuka?" At Asuka's affirmative nod, she looked at the notebook and drew in a breath. "I love you mommy! You're the best mother in the world!" She read, her voice almost catching in her throat while, tears pooling slightly in her eyes.

Asuka saw this, and a worried look took to her face, as this wasn't the reaction she'd expected. "Momma, are you alright, what's wrong?" she pleaded, her tone sounding almost scared. Her mother didn't answer right away, and because of this, Asuka seemed to fear the worst, and quickly launched into an apology, her words barely separated enough to be intelligible. "I'm sorry if I did something wrong, Momma, I just wanted you to be proud of me!"

Kyouko recovered quickly upon hearing her daughter's words, and, smiling reassuringly, she reached out to enfold her daughter in a hug. "Nothing's wrong, Asuka!" she cried, her voice clouded with tears, but her tone happy. "I love you too, with all of my heart." Asuka's eyes opened wide in surprise at her mother's sudden change of attitude. After a moment, her face exploded into an uninhibited display of happiness, and she giggled happily as her mother released the hug. The joy that lit Asuka's face and the sound of her childhood giggle filled Shinji with an almost unearthly joy, and he felt a smile tugging at his lips, despite his despondence over the worst of the recent events in his life. "You are the best daughter a mother could ask for, Asuka! I love you, and I'm very, very proud of you!" Shinji did smile then, though it was filled with a touch of melancholy, knowing that Asuka had lost so much. _Was that what caused you to change, Asuka?_ Shinji wondered, wishing he could find her and ask her himself. As he continued to watch, Kyouko lowered her head, kissing the Asuka's forehead. Then Kyouko released Asuka from the hug, holding her lightly at arms length by the shoulders, looking deep into Asuka's eyes, the look on her face serious but displaying all of her love for her daughter. "I will always love you, and I'll always be proud of you, my little Wondergirl, I promise!"

Shinji felt his heart freeze, as if the entire world surrounding him had stopped. He ran the last statement that Kyouko had made through his head, and shock descended upon his features. _Wondergirl? But isn't that what Asuka always called Rei...?_ His internal question was quite rhetorical, but necessary for him to accept what he had just heard. He could scarcely believe it, that Asuka had used a term of such endearment from her mother as such a powerful insult for Rei. He felt anger at Asuka rising within him, that she could do such a thing. _How could you do something like that Asuka? Did you forget your life before Eva Asuka?_ Shinji's anger faded slightly at the latter thought, slowly giving way to sorrow. _Are your memories of your mother as blurry as mine are? Did you truly forget her?_ He drew in a breath, calming his anger and refocused his attention upon the scene in front of him.

Asuka held her hands out, and was pulled close by her mother. Asuka hugged her mother around the neck, her eyes brimming with happiness, and even a few quickly blinked away tears. "I love you too mommy, I promise!" Her parents laughed softly to this, as did Shinji, though his soft, happy smile was tainted by a mix of bitterness and sorrow as he watched the family in front of him.

Asuka pulled away from her mother, then squealed in delight as her father picked her up and sat her on his right shoulder. "Should I take you up to your room and tell you a story while we wait for your mamma to finish her work and come tuck you in, or should we wait down here?" he asked, his voice happy, his eyes glowing with pride in his little girl. _What tore you away from this, Asuka? Why was this happiness taken from you? You deserve this happiness, and so much more, not what happened to you..._

Asuka's face crumpled into a look of pure concentration, the look so serious that it drew a startled laugh from Shinji, bringing him out of his depressing reverie. She held this pose for several seconds, then looked at her father, her face relaxing into a giddy smile. "I'll wait for mommy in my room, because I know what she's doing is _really _important, and like your stories, Daddy!" she exclaimed to her father, drawing a chuckle from her father, and a warm, loving smile from her mother. Asuka then looked at her mother, "Hurry up mommy, so you can tuck me in!"

"I'll be right along, Asuka, I just have to sign a couple of things and I'll be done, OK?" She blew a kiss to her daughter, and winked at her husband as he looked back to her, now carrying their daughter in his arms as he took her to her room. She then turned back to her computer terminal, her face relaxing into a business-like posture, and did exactly as she told her daughter she would; signing a total of two documents, and closing her computer terminal down. She stood and stretched, looking at the simple words written carefully on the top page of her daughter's notebook. Her smile returned, soft and loving. "I love you, my little Wondergirl." She looked at a photograph, one of her husband, Asuka, and herself, sitting in a small park. She picked it up, her face hardening, and her lips curling in a feral grimace. "I'll always protect you… No matter what..." She growled softly, her eyes cold and hard. She clenched her left hand tightly, calming herself as she took the notebook into the living room and placed it with her daughter's school belongings. Slowly Kyouko calmed herself, her smile returning, and she went into her daughter's room to tuck her in.

Shinji stood for a few minutes, hearing the faint voices of Asuka's parents, then her childhood voice, drift to him from her room. He heard her mother and father bid her goodnight, then as they entered their room, silence descended, leaving stillness throughout the house. _So this is what you were like when you were this young, Asuka?_ Shinji thought, looking around. _What happened to change you, I wonder?_ So quiet, and even comfortable was the silence, that Shinji almost jumped out of his skin as a heartbroken sob shattered the near total silence in the small room. He spun around, locating the source of the sob in an instant. "Asuka? Is... Is that you?" Shinji breathed, barely trusting his own voice to speak...

**Tokyo**** 3, 2015; 10:52 A.M.**Tokyo 3 Scenic Overlook

Misato Katsuragi looked over the edge of the cliff, her dark eyes hooded, her expression brooding. _I don't believe they called me in after three hours of sleep._ She laughed humorlessly as she thought about that. _I would have had almost five if I'd actually slept when I got home. I was just too worried when I found Shinji's note, then I got to reading this information..._ She blushed slightly as she remembered falling asleep and later waking up to a phone call from NERV Central Command and having the hardcopy she now held in her hands sitting in her printer. Then she'd found Shinji's note stating that he'd be visiting Asuka that day. "Dammit, Shinji, why didn't you wait for me you idiot?" She regretted the words as soon as she had spoken, even though it had only been to herself. _I shouldn't be so damn hard on him..._ She looked up, a small, regretful smile on her face. _I mean, he's been through enough, right? I guess I'm just worried about him... And Asuka..._

She looked at the hardcopy printout in her hand, the one that she had found within the information she had found on the MAGI storage server. Her smile brightened slightly, as she thought at how organized the information had been, as if it had been set there for her to find. _Was that your doing, Kaji, or someone else's...?_ She thought about the different but thorough organizational styles and knew that about a third of the information had been added by someone else after Kaji's assassination, someone with more access to top secret files than she had. _Ritsuko? Maya? Makoto? All three of you, maybe? Why are you all risking yourselves to help me?_

She looked back down to the final page, the document that had been sent less than twelve hours earlier, and scowled. It was the document that proved everything that Kaji had predicted, and the information that had been added had supported. The page consisted in a few terse, but illuminating lines of text. It had been a communiqué from one Selee Committee member to the head of the head of the Committee, Keel Lorentz. Misato read the words aloud, shaking her head softly in disbelief, even though she had read it to herself several times already.

"Having reached its limit as a colony of flawed, separate entities," she intoned softly, her voice filled with growing fear and revulsion. "The artificial evolution of all humanity is to be achieved by being evolved into one perfect, single being." Misato sighed, pulling a Zippo lighter that Kaji had given her in college from her pocket. It had actually been a joke on Ritsuko more than a gift since Misato was not a smoker, yet it was the only thing of Kaji's that Misato had kept from college, and now it held a special place in her heart. "I guess there were more reasons for me to have this than Ritsuko not needing to carry a spare lighter when we went out drinking together, eh Kaji?" Her smile fell into a mournful grimace as she looked at the lighter, a lone tear sliding unnoticed down her face. _I was so stupid, Kaji. You offered yourself completely to me, and when I realized that I loved you, you were gone._ She sighed heavily, and the late morning sunlight glittered off of the cross etched into the surface of the lighter, bathing her face in light The cross matched the proportions of the one on her neck pendant, causing another tear to slide down her cheek, again unnoticed. _No time for those thoughts now, Misato, you have business to attend to..._ Misato's face hardened into a very business like expression at this thought, and she returned her attention to the task at hand.

Misato walked calmly to the edge of the turnout, and squatted down and picked up a rock from just off of the asphalt, setting it next to her feet. Flipping the top of the lighter open, she rolled the striker, the wick catching immediately. She held up the lighter to the hardcopy papers in her hand, running the lighter's flame under bottom of the pages until she was certain they would stay lit. She carefully set the papers on the asphalt, and placed the rock she had set by her feet atop the burning sheets of paper. "The Instrumentality Project, using the eighteenth angel, called Humanity..." she whispered, her voice clouded with angry irony. "An ideal world... And to achieve this the Committee had planned to use not Adam, or NERV, but Eva itself... Just as you predicted, Kaji."

Misato closed her eyes, rubbing the bridge of her nose with her left thumb and forefinger. _And here I am, going to work at NERV looking for an angel that may be a MAGI system bug, or a hacker from the outside... But, wait a minute._ She looked out over the remains of Tokyo-3, her face hardening in concentration. _The committee needed seventeen angels to appear before Humanity could ascend as the eighteenth. The seventeenth came, when Nagisa revealed himself as Tabris... But now there might be another angel, an eighteenth angel that isn't Humanity, and if this is an actual angel and not a computer glitch or hacker..._ A small, savage smile broke through her hardened features, her eyes lighting like a predator just before the killing moment as realization struck her. "Then that means that none of you bastards can do _anything_!"

Misato stared into the flames caused by the burning papers, her eyes alight with intense determination. She watched the flames slowly devour the paper, until about five minutes later the pages were completely destroyed by the flames. Then she looked up, shaking herself as if out of a trance, and slowly stood, stretching out her legs as they attempted to cramp. "If that was an angel, and if they're still hostile... Then all of the plans of the Committee, and even of NERV, will be for nothing. No more Instrumentality..." A ironic, mirthless bark of a laugh escaped her, as she looked up into a beautiful morning sky, watching a few puffy, cheerful clouds drift lazily across the sky. "I never thought I'd be happy to have an angel come around..." she whispered softly as she walked back to her car. She opened her car door and sat down, starting the engine as she closed her door. A small, ironic smile slowly spread across her face, as she pulled away from the turnout.

**Author's notes:** Well, it's taken a bit longer than I planned, but I finally got this chapter up.  I would have had it up sooner, but my pre-reader, Pyper, was busy until very recently.  He is a part of the Wyoming Pipe and Drum Band (he plays bagpipes! Lol!), and has been very busy since the Fourth of July, and I have to give him a lot of thanks for taking the time to pre read this chapter and the next…  Speaking of next, the next chapter _should_ be up sometime late this week or early next week at the latest, and yes, it's going to have the meeting between Asuka and Shinji!  ^_^  Also, I have another fic up, entitled **NGE Angel Opposition Agency**, so if you're interested, go ahead and take a look, just be warned, its rated "R"(though you can jump right to it if you go through my profile! ~_^ )!  If you read it, I hope that you like it!  At any rate, I'll stop rambling now.  Have a good one, everybody!

-Ciao for now!  
Kriegsherr


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Studio Gainax owns Neon Genesis Evangelion. Any other name, or product, are registered, trademarked, and copyrighted by their respective owners. Should they, or their affiliates, request it, I shall remove this fan fiction from the Web. Thank you.**

" " : Indicates spoken words.

_italics _: Indicate thoughts.

] [ : Indicates radio transmissions.

**Aberrant Impact**

Chapter 9

**Tokyo-3, 2015; ****10:52 A.M.** NERV Command Center, Command Bridge

Makoto Hyuuga sat hunched slightly over his monitoring console, peeing at various readouts for any sign of angel activity. This should not have seemed unusual, however, considering that the seventeenth and supposedly died just over a month earlier, it was quite unusual indeed. The appearance of the angel had been quite brief, and there was still the distinct possibility that it was a glitch in the MAGI computer system. Malfunction within the sensing systems had been completely ruled out, as had an external attack by a hacker. That left only the possibility of an error within the MAGI computer system itself, and that was being slowly ruled out by Maya and her subordinates. He sighed, stretching his hands above his head in an effort to remove the kinks that had developed in his neck and shoulders.

_I sure hope that they get done quickly, this is grating on my nerves! _He thought, with a slight smile. He was just returning his attention to his readouts when an emergency message came up on his console, with a tagline indicating that it was a message of a type that he was not normally a recipient of. He looked around, to make sure no one was in his direct area before checking the message. It was a secured and encrypted communiqué from a NERV field agent, and it was intended for him. _That's odd… Shigeru is the communications man; I don't understand why it's coming directly to me…_ The fact that Makoto was receiving it made him nervous, but he decided to continue on and read it. The decryption that he needed was already built into the console he was in, and when he opened the main body of the message he was shocked by what he saw. An instant message window opened up in front of him, with a nickname that only two people knew of, one of them being himself, the other his older brother. He knew that it had to be his older brother, because of two reasons, the first being the nickname. The second was the fact that his older brother was a field agent of NERV. Before he could type anything into his console's keyboard, the window relayed a message to him.

"Sorry to interrupt you at work, but I have some important information I have to pass along, and quickly." The message was very quickly typed, so Makoto knew that speed was of the essence.

"What's the message?" he replied, his fingers moving very quickly across the keyboard. "Is it for NERV intelligence or for Section Two?"

"I'm only telling you this because I believe that I can trust you, OK? This message is intended for agent Kaji, if you could get it to him."

"Kaji is dead. His death was ordered from above Ikari." Was all that Makoto entered, and he felt a wave of nervousness wash over him as he did so.

There was a five second pause, then another quick message scrolled across his screen. "Ok, then it's for whoever took over for him, do you know who that is?"

"Yes, I'm currently helping Kaji's replacement with the same work." Makoto felt sweat beading on his forehead as he typed, checking around again to see if anyone was noticing. Much to his relief, he was still alone and unmonitored.

"Well, that's a relief. Sorry again for dragging you further into this, but it's vital that he gets this information to whoever it is. Tell the person that Tex's has information on how Selee has been keeping tabs on NERV activity, and he's in the process of acquiring that asset for NERV, at least to help stop Selee's current course of action. The information packet I'm sending has all of the information you guys will need. Get a hold of me through Tex when you have an answer. I have to go. Take care of yourself, Ko, and watch you're back!"

"OK, I'll pass the information along. And To? I've become as deep into this as I can. You take care, too!" Makoto looked around again as a file appeared in his console's storage. He quietly slipped a disk into his consoles drive and saved the document his older brother had sent him, and quickly slid it into an inner pocket of his uniform jacket. He looked back to the screen, to see a last message appear on his screen.

"Don't worry about any traces being left on your computer, when you shut your message window, all traces will be removed, including that packet I sent you. Take care again. And thanks." With that, Makoto closed the chat window, and watched in surprise as the records of the conversation were indeed erased. He contemplated this, and the disk in his inner breast pocket a moment more before a loud explanation brought him out of his reverie.

"Dr. Akagi!" The name was almost shouted, shattering the efficient near silence that had enveloped the Command Bridge. Across the bridge, near the primary MAGI control interface, a hapless tech that had been concentrating a bit too hard almost threw the thermos of coffee that he had been reaching for, so startled was he. A blushing Maya Ibuki looked around at the silent faces of the bridge crew, and with an annoyed look on her blushing face she addressed them in a slightly quieter voice. "OK, stop gawking at me and get back to work, got it?" The Command Bridge became a place of brief activity as people who had moments earlier been gawking at the normally quiet Maya Ibuki went back to their work in a busy manner. The blushing Maya looked back to Ritsuko, a thousand questions apparent on her face, but only calm professionalism apparent in her demeanor. "Well, Dr. Akagi, it's good to have you helping us figure out if the MAGI are malfunctioning or not. I didn't expect you until noon, however…" Her tone was mildly apologetic as she said this, bringing an honest smile to the up until now stone faced Ritsuko.

"Well, I decided to come up directly after eating… After all, if it is an angel, we'll need the MAGI up to full capabilities, won't we? And since someone else is in charge, I'll be able to get directly into the guts of things, as it were…" She said, her voice calm and confident, with a note of approving amusement as she spoke, indicating the new rank badges on Maya's collar. "What have your people been able to figure out, _Captain_ Ibuki?" Makoto smiled and turned back to his readouts as the conversation devolved into an exchange of technical jargon beyond his capabilities to comprehend, a smile on his face. _Well, she seems none the worse for wear for being in solitary for so long… And she seems more relaxed then I remember her, maybe it's because she's not in charge?_ He smiled at that thought, shaking his head as he watched his readouts. _Probably, but I don't really know her well enough to say one way or the other… Either way though, with her here, the search for problems within the MAGI should go even faster…_ He looked at the clock on his console, realizing that Major Katsuragi would be there soon. _I need to get this to her, but with all the people here…_ He glanced back at Maya, seeing that her and Ritsuko were away from the others, discussing the MAGI system in depth. _Maybe I could arrange something with Maya…_ He stood up, walking over to where Maya and Ritsuko stood, getting Maya's attention from a discreet distance. "Captain Ibuki?" he said, in an effort to make this appear official. "A moment, if you can?"

"Just a moment, Dr. Akagi…" she said, surprising both herself and Ritsuko by not stumbling into calling her sempai. She walked over to Makoto, aware that Ritsuko's eyes were on her back. _I'm glad that she already knows about what's been going on, or I'd feel even more nervous than I do right now…_ She thought, a slightly strained smile appearing on her face. "What's going on?" she asked Makoto when she got close to him.

Makoto dropped his voice until it was just over a whisper, his lips hardly moving. "I just got a communiqué from one of Kaji's contacts. He needs me to pass information to Misato… I have it on disk, but I need to get it to her discreetly… Any chance that you can get the monitoring equipment in her office to, ahm, "forget" that I was there when she gets here?" He looked around, scratching the back of his head as if he were embarrassed about something. "I just have no idea how to justify…" He was interrupted by the low voice of Ritsuko as she broke into the conversation.

"Are you running the same old shift pattern?" she asked quietly, being rewarded with a slight jump from Maya and Makoto. They looked at her and nodded, Maya blushing as she only now remembered that Ritsuko had suggested that she help Makoto and Misato with their search for the truth. "Since some of you from the oh-four-hundred shift seem to be a bit too much on edge," he nodded to the hapless tech that Maya had startled so greatly with her shocked greeting to Ritsuko, "Perhaps you should send your people on lunch breaks based on a "first in, first on break" philosophy..." At Maya and Makoto's almost incredulous look, she smiled, almost laughing. "After all, hungry techs tend to make mistakes… To miss important things. I'd say," she narrowed her eyes in thought, her head bowed slightly. "Since it _is_ so important to have people on watch, though,, I'd say no more than ten minutes each. I saw Misato heading for her office" she smiled at them, indicating Makoto with a finger. "That should give you a chance to both get _something_ to eat, and get the information to Misato… _If_ you don't get lost like she does, that is!" Maya and Makoto looked at each other, then at Ritsuko. They all three chuckled at her comment about Misato, as well as the fact that the plan seemed to be quite sound.

"OK, let's get it done, then!" Maya said, her face an odd mixture of her old shy but generally happy demeanor and the firmness of command. The three separated, Ritsuko returning to look over the state of progress on the MAGI, Makoto to monitor his station until relieved for lunch break, and Maya to order that very lunch break. Neither noticed the three sets of cameras that followed their path. Nor did they, or anyone else, notice the brief flash of the MAGI computer system unanimously confirming a course of action.

**Elsewhere, Somewhen.** Asuka Langley Sohryu's Mindscape.

Shinji Ikari stared in shocked silence at the sight before him, hardly believing his own eyes. Before him sat the sobbing, huddled form of Asuka Langley Sohryu. After the initial shock wore off, Shinji still had trouble believing that he was looking at the Asuka he knew. Although he had seen her in tears before, he had never seen her quite like this, not even after the fifteenth angel. She looked almost totally exhausted, an almost completely shattered remnant of whom she was before. But as he looked on, he knew that it could be none other than the young woman that he had met on the deck of the UNS _Over The Rainbow _almost six months earlier. Asuka was dressed in one of her plugsuits, the red material seeming to be duller than normal. Her hair had lost the beautiful, shimmering luster he was used to seeing, and her skin had lost its healthy tone. She looked much like she had in her hospital bed, except that she had a more worn, disheveled look about her in this place. She was hugging her legs to her chest, her forehead resting on her knees, her arms holding her legs just below where her head rested. Shinji could see tears sliding down to the top of her cheeks before dropping onto her legs.

After a moment of staring at her, Shinji tore his gaze away, looking around the room he was in. As he looked around, he knew that he wasn't in the comfortable den from Asuka's childhood home. The room was very dark, except in one corner, making it almost impossible to see anything else in the room. It was almost as if the rest of the room shouldn't be seen. The few details he could make out, and the antiseptically clean odor of the place, made it obvious that it was a hospital room. Before Shinji could truly examine the room in detail, Asuka began to speak, immediately drawing his eyes back to the haggard young woman.

"Why?" Asuka asked, her voice unsteady and slightly raw, as if she'd been crying on a regular basis for some time. "I… I know that these are my memories, but I don't understand! Why didn't I remember this until now? _WHY_?" her sobs increased in ferocity, her shoulders shaking violently as she continued. "Why couldn't I remember you like this before now? Why didn't you stay with me like this, Momma…? Why couldn't I remember you when you lov-… When you loved _me_? Not Whe-. Not when you loved that... That _thing_?" Asuka shook her head uncomprehendingly, the answers eluding her. "Why, Momma? Didn't I love you enough?" Asuka's form seemed to sag, as if she felt that was at least part of the answer. "Didn't I… Love you enough…?" Her hands balled into fists as she tried futilely to stem the tide of the sobs. The sight of the once proud young woman in this state shocked Shinji, so much so that he stood in place for several seconds, unsure of what to do.

"Asuka... Can you hear me?" Shinji asked, yet Asuka didn't seem to hear him, and she curled up a little tighter, as if trying to pull back from everything around her. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, he made his way towards where Asuka sat, looking around the room and paying more attention to the details he could see. The room was only lit by one light that seemed to be skewed in its frame to point directly upon Asuka. Her back was against what appeared to be a simple white four drawer dresser with recessed black handles. To the left of that was a small desk, bolted between the wall and the dresser. Strangely, at least to Shinji, there seemed to be no chairs in the room. As he came closer to her, Shinji felt as if something were above him, but he dismissed that as being paranoia.

It was then that he noticed that he was by the foot of a bed, and there was an unusual shape on the floor that caught his eyes. As he looked closer, he saw a simple rag doll on the floor, its head having been ripped about half way off, the stuffing sticking out at odd angles. As he leaned down and inspected it more intently, he noticed some string snaking out from under the torso of the doll. The string was broken about twenty centimeters up from the head of the doll. He picked up the doll and turned it over, realizing, to his horror, that the string had been fashioned into a noose, and put around the doll's neck. Shinji now knew that the doll had been hanging. _Probably from that twisted lighting fixture…_ he reasoned, shuddering slightly. When the doll had been ripped down, the neck of the doll had also been ripped open. Shinji looked towards Asuka, and saw that she had some of the cotton stuffing clinging to her hair and plugsuit, and stood abruptly, recoiled recoiling from the sight. As he did so, he felt certain that something was directly behind, and paradoxically, above him. He had already started turning to look when Asuka's now soft voice caught his attention once again. He turned back to her, an almost audible sigh of relief passing from his mouth as he did so.

"I'm sorry, Momma... I'm sorry I didn't love you enough... To keep you from going away." she relaxed her hands from the fists they had formed, and tried to hug her knees tighter to herself. "When I was little, I promised that I loved you, Momma. I… I do love you, Momma, just like I promised…" Shinji felt as if his heart had been stabbed with ice. Without fully realizing what he was doing, he moved over and placed a hand on her shoulder, kneeling in front of her. Asuka drew in a breath at the contact, her body going rigid for a small span of heartbeats. Yet when she looked up from where her head was resting, her eyes seemed dead, and Shinji felt as if she were looking through him, as if he were not there. She relaxed as he left his hand in place, though she still did not truly acknowledge that he was present. She lowered her head back to her arms, her sobs coming back to her, though less violently. "God dammit, _why_? Why am I remem-… Remembering this now? Now when no… No one gives a damn… About me, why… Why do I have to remember this…?"

Shinji squeezed her shoulder lightly, and spoke, to get her attention. "Asuka, don't say that, please? We do care… We just have trouble showing it, sometimes… I... I care…" his voice dropped to a whisper, at his last statement. None the less, this had the immediate effect of Asuka looking up, and directly into his eyes. She sat completely still for a moment, barely drawing breath, looking _at_ him this time, not _through_ him, but did nothing else other than breathing for several moments. Shinji took this as an invitation to speak. He felt that he was even more nervous than he had been when he had poured his heart out to her in her room. "I know… I know I never said anything… I should have, but… I've never been good at that kind of thing. I wish I would have, though, then maybe you wouldn't be in here. Maybe… Maybe I wouldn't have…"

Realization had slowly dawned on Asuka that this was not a normal part of her dream as Shinji spoke. She exhaled softly, raising her half opened right hand from where she was hugging her legs to gently touch her knuckles to his face, interrupting him in mid sentence. He flinched at the contact, pulling away from her hand, causing Asuka to pause. He looked at her for a moment, and her arm relaxed slightly, though she left her arm half extended. After a moment, Shinji leaned back to where he had been, and Asuka slowly extended her arm. Shinji did not flinch as she once again touched his face. The touch of Askua's hand was tentative, and gentle, so very unlike what he was used to from the fiery girl. So unexpected was the gentleness of the touch that Shinji froze for a few heartbeats. He relaxed as she traced her knuckles up from his cheekbone to his temple. Then she opened her hand, gently caressing his face with her fingertips. She drew her fingers from his temple, running her fingers down to the angle of his jaw, her thumb brushing the side of his chin gently a couple of times. He closed his eyes, savoring the feeling as she did this, then she softly cupped her hand to the left side of his face in her hand.

"Are you real…?" She said in an uncertain, tear stained whisper. "Or are you another dream? Or maybe you're a hallucination this time…?" Her eyes searched his face for some indication one way or the other. "I've had so many dreams..." She reached out with her other hand, caressing the right side of his face with her fingertips like she had the left side, her left hand ending its movement by mirroring the position of her right hand. "So many nightmares... Please tell me… I… I need to know…" Her voice started to break, tears pooling in her eyes, but not falling, and her body shook as her sobs threatened to return. "Do you really care? I... I know I... Didn't really give you any reason to care about a worthless bitch like me..." Shinji stopped her before she could continue, his voice revealing the hurt he felt at her statements.

"I'm real, Asuka… I'm every bit as real as you are..." Shinji whispered softly, reaching up to take her hands in his. He stood, drawing her up with him. Her touch had been electric, and he felt heat on his cheeks where she had touched him as it slowly faded. "I said I care for you, and I mean it! And, please, Asuka, don't say those things about yourself. It... Hurts... To hear you say things like that..." He noticed, as if for the first time, the Asuka's demeanor had changed drastically. She had touched him like she cared, and had not cursed at him or tried to hit him for taking her hands in his. _I'm glad she's like this… Even if this is because we're here, in this place, I'm glad that she's being open with me. _He thought about this for a moment, before her voice interrupted his train of thought.

"But it's the truth... I am like that, Shinji... I'm a monster, someone who hurts anyone who tries to care about her…" she whispered, staring at her hands in wonder, surprised at how good it felt for Shinji to hold them. _I am like that. I don't know why you care for me... I'm so worthless that I can't even make you see that I am what I am..._ She looked back up, seeing emotions conflicting within his eyes, almost as if he was at war with himself. "What... What's wrong, Shinji?" She asked, a tone of concern clouding her voice, though what remained of her pride fought against it.

He silently let a breath escape through his mouth, frustrated with her comments about herself, and uncertain of how to answer her question. His emotions were, to say the least, in chaos. As he held Asuka's hands, Shinji felt his old feelings towards her, which had dulled since the fifteenth angel, flare up with a vengeance. These emotions were opposed by equally powerful emotions for Kieko Yamada, the young nurse he had met earlier that morning.

He was suffering an almost physical pain from his turmoil over his feelings for the two young women. _Why do I have to feel like this now? _he asked himself, in an almost self damning manner as he felt the desire to hold Asuka in his arms and take whatever amount of her pain that he could. _I've always liked Asuka, a lot, but… I began to lose those feelings when she said she hated me… Why am I feeling it again now, and so suddenly? And Kieko... I've _never_ felt that way about anyone except for Asuka, and even with Asuka, it wasn't so quickly._ Shinji stopped himself for a moment, searching his soul for the answers to his questions, feeling that he would never find them. _Do I love her? I know that I liked... No, I... I _loved_ Asuka... Maybe I never really stopped… And I feel like that with Kieko, but why? I don't know her that well... I mean, I only just met her, but... I guess I just don't know... _He began to stroke his thumbs lightly along the top of Asuka's fingers and knuckles, almost unconsciously, trying to calm his nerves and allay her fears at one time.

Asuka closed her eyes as he did this, her face crumpling, tears forcing their way from behind her tightly closed eyelids. _Why do you have to be like this, Shinji? _Asuka screamed at him mentally. She tried to do so physically, yet couldn't bring herself to do so. Though her pride, which had built the wall around her true feelings screamed that she was deluding herself, she knew that it felt good, it felt _right_, to have Shinji so close, to hear him defending her from her own thoughts and fears. _Can't you see that I'm not worth the effort? Can't you see that I'm too worthless to waste your time making me feel wanted?_ Although she still believed her silent argument against his caring, her resolve was being slowly chipped away by her own wish to no longer be alone. There was also something else, something that she couldn't quite feel, as if something within her very soul were trying to help her break down her own barriers. All of her inner turmoil and uncertainty was showing on her face, and though she still tried to hide her feelings from the young man holding her hands, she was slowly failing at it.

Shinji looked around briefly as the tears flowed from Asuka's eyes, not wanting to see Asuka in such pain. He saw that they were now standing on the overlook of Tokyo-3 that Misato had first shown him several months ago. A breeze blew across the overlook, a warm, almost soothing breeze. He was dressed similarly to how he had been that morning. Instead of his black slacks, shoes, and white dress shirt of his school uniform, though, he wore casual khaki colored dress pants, black casual dress shoes, and a light blue dress shirt. As his eyes wandered back to Asuka, he saw that she no longer looked unhealthy and disheveled, but radiant. The luster had been restored to her hair, and her soft, smooth skin had returned to its normal, healthy tone. She was dressed in a sundress similar to the one she had worn when he had first met her. This time she was without a hat, and the entire length of her auburn hair fell freely, without being held in place by the A-10 neural connectors she usually wore. The dress she wore was not the simple yellow of the one he had seen before. It was more form fitting, the bottom of the dress hugging her legs instead of billowing out, accentuating her curves more than the yellow one had, yet doing so without being overly tight. It was colored in two tones of color, a dark teal green on the straps and bosom, and a deep midnight blue towards the hem. Where the colors met, they faded to a lighter shade of each color. The effect was that of drawing a diagonal swath of mingling color from just under her left breast to just over her right hip, which then curved tantalizingly over the hip and up the back the opposite way. This easily brought Shinji's eyes across the area where the colors blended, which is what was intended. A simple pair of dress style sandals completed her outfit.

She looked beautiful, more beautiful than he had ever seen her. He looked up, tearing his eyes away from her body, to look at the full moon, as a new realization struck him. _I have to let her know, that I may be seeing Kieko, for more than just lunch, if things work out… If they do, I would like to where any kind of relationship goes, and I think Kieko would, too. I don't want to hurt Asuka even more, but… The way I feel right now, if I don't say something now, I won't be able to tell her later. If I don't tell her, and she comes out of this coma and she _does _want to start a relationship... It would hurt her worse to tell her that I already have someone when that time came than it would now. I hope that I'm right. I would rather have her wake up because she wants to live, not because I made false promises to her..._

Shinji looked down, closing his eyes and sighing slightly, and started to speak. "I… There's something important I have to tell you Asuka..." Before he could say anything more, Asuka tensed, bringing his attention immediately back to her face.

"Shinji, if you're here, in my dreams... How can you be real?" she asked, her voice almost scared. She continued in a hurried manner, the words barely separated enough to make sense, "I mean, you're not like the you I know, you haven't apologized about anything yet, and you seem so... Different than the last time I saw you..." Her face held a combination of fear of the answer, and confusion about his presence in her dreams.

"I... I don't know, not exactly." he said, his voice echoing Asuka's confusion. "I don't know if I'm really any different, maybe it's this place, maybe it's all the things that have happened since you ran away… And, really, I haven't done anything to apologize for, yet..." Asuka almost thought he was trying to joke with his last statement, yet his eyes said he was being perfectly serious. "Anyway, the person who brought me here said she had to speak with both of us about something important, so I know that I'm really here... And I came because I want to help you get over whatever is keeping you here, to help you come out of your coma…"

"I believe that you're real, Shinji." she whispered, still not completely believing it, but wanting to. She turned her hands over to grasp his, holding his hands as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "But even if I didn't, I... I wouldn't care… If you were real. Or a dream... Or even a hallucination…" she paused, biting her lip nervously, as if unsure about speaking further. She saw the look of worry on his face, his deep blue, emotional eyes looking at her and showing real concern for her, and decided to go on. "But since… Since you are real, could you do something?

"What's that?" he asked simply, his voice neutral.

"Well, a couple of things, really…" Asuka whispered, her tone sounding embarrassed as spoke. "Tell me… How… How long have I... Been away, in this coma…"

"Almost a month, Asuka… Section Two found you, and not long after they did, you fell into a coma…" Shinji's voice held a minute amount of the pain he felt telling her that. "What was the other thing you wanted me to do…?"

"Just... Just hold me for a while, please, Shinji?" She couldn't believe what she was saying. Indeed, a small part of her pride, the part that controlled her emotional defenses, that remained tried to stop her from saying even that. A month ago, that request might not have come from her, even if she were on her deathbed. If someone had asked her about Shinji, she would have told them in no uncertain terms that she hated him, no matter what she actually felt. _I didn't want to love you Shinji… Everyone I love dies, sooner or later. I didn't want to _lose_ you by _loving_ you…_ Now, looking at the handsome young man who had haunted many of her waking hours, many of her dreams, and even a few of her most private fantasies, she didn't know how to feel. _Why am I like this when it doesn't matter? He couldn't feel anything for me, I'm worthless, right?. He wouldn't care for me like he says… He _couldn't_… Could he?_ Seeing the nervous, worried concern in his eyes, she felt that perhaps, just perhaps, she was wrong. She couldn't make any sense of it, of why, or even how, he had come to her here, why he would want to even see her. The only thing she knew for certain was that she needed some kind of human comfort, real or imagined, no matter what her pride tried to tell her. As Shinji nodded at her request, a nervous tingling starting in the pit of her stomach, which spread through her legs and to her shoulders and arms, causing her whole body to tremble. Shinji pulled her to him gently, releasing her hands when she was close enough to embrace. When he released her hands, Asuka pulled her arms to herself, clasping her hands in front of her breasts as Shinji encircled her shoulders with his arms. She was rigid as he did so, as if afraid of his touch, or that he would disappear when his arms were fully around her.

The embrace Shinji gave was almost clumsy at first, as he was not used to being this close to someone, let alone holding someone he had secretly loved for so long in his arms. He was pleasantly surprised to find that her sundress only exposed her back to just below the shoulder blades, as he didn't think he'd ever be able to relax if it had gone too much lower. He adjusted quickly to holding her, however, and the embrace became more relaxed and natural in short order. As he relaxed, Asuka's rigidness subsided, a little bit at a time, as did her trembling, and soon she had relaxed enough to rest her head on his left shoulder. The moment she had done so, she knew he was real. He was real somehow, and he was here, in her dreams, her own personal hell. Shinji felt soft sobs start again, and felt dampness on his chest, as her tears slowly soaked into his shirt. After a time, she stopped sobbing, turning her face to look out over the imaginary illusion of a formerly real cityscape, and sliding her arms around his chest. "I used to dream about this. Being someplace like this, with you holding me like I was important to you." Even though he knew her feelings from the note she had written to Misato, this admission still surprised him, bringing a small, brief smile to his face. "I even bought a dress just like this one, and never let you know about it, just so I could surprise you. That was just after…" She stopped, blushing when she remembered exactly when she had bought the dress.

"That was right after when?" Shinji asked, his tone of voice holding laughter at Asuka's sudden embarrassed silence.

Asuka sighed, a sad smile coming to her face as the memory came to her fully. "Um, do you remember the time we kissed?" She asked, her voice low, almost timid.

"Yea… It was on the anniversary of my mother's death." His tone was tinged with regret, but not as sad as it had once been when mentioning his mother, at least not to Asuka's ears. "It was also a day you went on a date with someone, if I remember correctly. And if I also remember, you left him mid date and came home…?" His tone was only mildly questioning, and held a bit of disapproving amusement in it.

"Well, yes, I did do that…" She closed her eyes for a moment, her face and tone becoming very serious for a moment. "He was being a jerk, so he deserved it." She did not elaborate any further, however her face and tone did soften considerably as she continued. "Well, do you remember how I opened the conversation about kissing?" at Shinji's nod, Asuka continued, a light blush spreading across her face and remaining for a few moments. "I said I wanted to kiss you because I was bored. I… I was lying when I said that… I actually wanted to know what it was like. I'd never kissed a boy before. And what I said about you being there, well that was true, but not in the way I implied… I _wanted_ you to share my first kiss with me at that time… Because a part of me already knew that I never stood a chance with Kaji… I knew that he never stopped loving Misato, I was just scared to admit it… And, well, I… I had other reasons, too. When we did kiss, though, I liked it... I mean I really liked it! I liked it so much that I kinda forgot to unplug your nose…" the admission drew a startled, quiet chuckle fro Shinji,, and he interrupted her briefly.

"I thought you did that because my breathing tickled you?" Shinji said, his tone only half joking. "And you _did_ say it was so bad enough that you had to wash out…"

Asuka interrupted him then, not wanting to relive yet another of the mistakes she felt she had made. "Yea, well, actually I held your nose because I wanted it to be a romantic kiss. I wanted you to have your lips parted just a little bit, so it would feel like, and maybe become a deep kiss, not just a peck, or a quick kiss. Like how first kisses are supposed to be. I just forgot to let go of your nose…" Asuka's voice dropped for a moment, her tone somber and hurt. "And the mouthwash… It wasn't because I hated the kiss… I did like it, like I said… It hurt when the first thing you said was about having air… I was hoping that the kiss was good for you too… And that you said something like that… I wanted to hate you and felt stupid for _wanting_ to hate you because it was my fault your first thoughts were about air and not kissing me. I'm the one who held you nose, after all! When I went into the bathroom I didn't _want_ to like it anymore, and I was trying to stop my lips from tingling!" Shinji chuckled, sounding slightly embarrassed, and Asuka let out a groaning sigh, shaking her head after a moment and laughing softly herself. She pulled away from Shinji's shoulder to look at him face to face, to gaze into his deep cobalt blue eyes. "Anyway, I tried to stop them from tingling, but they didn't stop doing that for a couple days…" she laughed again, at how silly, how childish her thoughts had been at the time. She sighed and shook her head as a thought occurred to her. "I was so damn stupid… You know, if Kaji wouldn't have brought home Misato then, I would have asked you to kiss me again, a little bit later? Evan after all that I said about not liking it, and how I felt at first, because I liked the way it felt that much. I almost did, but I… I couldn't let myself go back on what I'd said to you… I still had my pride then… But if I had, I wouldn't even have held your nose…" She lightly tweaked his nose, causing them both to smile briefly. "I wonder… Would we have had this conversation at that time If Misato and Kaji wouldn't have come along then? I wish I knew… I… I think I would have liked it…" Shinji nodded, but said nothing. "A few days later… After I'd somewhat accepted that Kaji was never mine, and never would be, I bought the dress. Because of that one fumbled kiss I was going to give you a chance…"

Asuka paused then, collecting her thoughts. "Then you beat me in the tests, and I started to lose my synch ratio with Unit-02... I began to become more and more useless... I… I blamed you, and then started to hate you... I was becoming a dirty person, Shinji… A devil just like your friends said I was…" Shinji was more and more shocked as the young woman continued, but he managed, somehow, to keep it from showing on his face. He also did not interrupt her, as he felt it would be very important for her to speak what was on her mind if she were to ever leave this place. "Then the fifteenth came... It... When it... When it defiled me… When it made me a dirtier person than I already was… When it showed me that I was too dirty to deserve anyone to be there for me…" She stopped speaking as the tears began, once again, to flow down her face as she mentioned the angel that had defiled her. The angel had been Arael, the fifteenth, which had raped her mind nearly to the point of death, by dredging up the worst memories of her past and forcing her to remember them, no matter how much it hurt.

Shinji tightened the embrace briefly, barely holding tears of his own back, sorrow crossing his face and pain filling his eyes in reaction to Asuka reliving what was the most painful moment in her life. "Asuka… Sshhh… I'm here for you now… I'm here for you like I should have been then, and I won't leave you… Unless you want me to…" Shinji spoke in a quiet voice, surprised and pleased at how steady his speaking was.

Asuka looked up at him, her face almost in horror, her tears stopping from shock at his statement, a fearful expression crossing her face. "N- No, don't… Don't leave me alone, Shinji, please?"

The tone in her voice was pleading, and she sounded thoroughly frightened at the thought of being alone. It was something he had never heard from Asuka, and it disturbed him. _Have you been afraid of being alone all this time, Asuka?_ Shinji smiled softly at her, the smile tinged with melancholy, his eyes regarding her apologetically. "I only said I'd leave if you wanted me to, Asuka. Since it sounds like you want me here, I won't leave you, not in this place. And if you come out of this coma, I'll always be there for you, Asuka, always!"

His smile turned hopeful as she nodded to him, and it pleased him to know that she wanted him to be here for her. He relaxed his embrace slightly, his left hand remaining loosely around her waist. He hesitantly ran the fingertips of his right hand along the exposed part of her back, from the top of her sundress up to her neck, his fingertips barely touching the skin. Asuka squirmed a little bit, his fingers tickling at first. However, she quickly relaxed, seeming to melt against Shinji at the sensation of his fingertips. She slowly laid her head back onto his left shoulder, a soft, smile taking to her lips. "Hhmmmnn. That feels… Very, very good, Shinji…"

"You know what, Asuka?" he asked, and ironic tint to his voice. She responded with a questioning sigh, which drown out the sorrow he felt at her pain and drawing a pleased smile from him. "I used to imagine the same things, of us being together I mean. Just holding each other, or talking... I know you always called me a pervert, but I didn't think of you like that too often... A few times, I'll admit, I mean, you are one of the most beautiful women in Japan! But not as often as you seemed to think I did…"

Asuka was honestly shocked by this candid statement from him. _What happened to the timid, weak little boy I knew before?_ she asked herself. She didn't know why, but the simple admission, instead of making her angry at him, made her more comfortable. _Shouldn't I hate you or something for ever thinking about me like I'm a piece of meat?_ She closed her eyes again, blushing lightly as she remembered having a few such thoughts about him. She also felt a little bit annoyed as she remembered those times, still having trouble admitting, even to herself, the feelings she had for the boy that was holding her. The two remained companionably silent after that, lost in their own thoughts.

Shinji had no way of knowing how long they stood like that, holding each other, though it didn't really matter to him. Even though it felt like a long time to him, if it was helping the young woman in his arms, he felt that it was worth it. Shinji thought of the unreality of the situation, of him holding Asuka like this, like someone who was _supposed_ to be holding her. As a chill wind swept past them, Asuka snuggled closer to him, and he moved his right arm back with his left, so she would not have to be as chilled. As he did so, he became very aware of how the young woman's body was pressing against him, and how _good_ it felt. He inhaled softly, and realized not only did she look good, and feel good, but that even her scent was more than agreeable. His smile softened as he luxuriated in the unfamiliar, but welcome sensations for a time. Slowly, however, the almost overwhelming sense of urgency to tell her about Kieko returned, and his smile faded. "Asuka…?" Shinji asked softly, hesitantly. 

Asuka swallowed, anxiety filling her from the saddened, regretful tone in his voice. "Yes?" she replied, her voice quavering slightly.

"I…" Shinji paused, drawing a breath and putting his thoughts in order. A brief moment later, he slowly let the breath out, and when he spoke again, it was without hesitation. "What I said earlier, about having something to tell you... I have to tell you now; I can't let it wait any longer." His voice held a confidence and certainty that the young woman in his arms had never heard before. She felt her anxiety increase slightly, and she tried to snuggle closer to him.

"OK, tell me, I-... I'm ready..." she whispered, not believing her own words, but hoping that he would believe her.

Shinji nodded, tightening his arms around her a little more as he felt Asuka hugging him tighter. "I met a girl today, when I was coming to visit you… A nurse, here at the hospital… I like her, a lot." he paused, shaking his head a little. "Actually, I think I'm already starting to fall in love with her." he said, his tone ironic as he spoke. He was about to speak again, but was interrupted as Asuka placed her hands on his chest and pushed herself back to look at him. She stared deeply into his eyes, searching for any sign of arrogance or that he was trying to hurt her with what he was saying.

As Asuka gazed at him, she realized two things, the first being that Shinji was telling the truth, and the second that he wasn't being malicious in any way. "Shinji, don't… Not right now, please.. Jus-… Just keep holding me… For now, please…? We'll talk about it later… OK?" Shinji merely nodded, and she leaned back onto his shoulder. Then she broke her own request to Shinji, her need to know overpowering her own desire to forget the pain of what he had told her.

"What's her name, Shinji? Is she pretty?" Her voice was soft, almost a whisper, and she almost hoped that he hadn't heard her statement.

Shinji let himself smile softly at Asuka's contradictory behavior, and shook his head lightly. "Kieko… Kieko Yamada." he said, just as softly as Asuka had. "And yes, she is pretty… Beautiful, actually, as beautiful as you are…"

"I, I'm not…" Asuka paused, and drew a breath to steady herself, Shinji's comment about her being beautiful catching her off guard. "Thank you, Shinji, you didn't have to say that… Nurse Yamada from the ICU wing at the Central Hospital?" At Shinji's murmured conformation, Asuka nodded to herself, knowing the nurse from her own stays in NERV Central Hospital's ICU wing. "You're right, Shinji, she _is_ beautiful… She's very good at her job, and it's not related to Eva, so you don't have to worry about that interfering with your life anymore… You deserve someone like her, Shinji, not a failure like me…"

Shinji shook his head as she derided herself again. "Asuka… You're not a failure… I'm the idiot, remember? I mean, I meet a cute girl that says she likes me and I'm already falling in love with her… Pretty stupid, huh?" His tone at his self-deprecating statement was almost sarcastically jovial as he spoke the words to Asuka that he had spoken to her sleeping form earlier. 

"You know what, Shinji? That is pretty stupid... Just as stupid as me when I first met you on that damn U.N. carrier. Even though I tried not to feel that way." She smiled slightly, a small, ironic smile that held almost no humor in it. "You know, I hated you at first, because Eva came so easily to you. But before I'd even shown you my Unit-02, I'd already started to like you, and I didn't know why. You were the antithesis of everything I _thought_ I wanted then. Even so, you were cute. Still are..." Shinji let a slightly startled laugh escape as she said that, drawing an almost playful swat on the chest from Asuka as she laughed too. "Anyway, when I forced you to get into the entry plug, it was because I wanted you close to me..." she blushed slightly as she admitted this, and the defensive part of her personality, the part controlled by the pride she had developed over the years, screamed at her not to let him know her feelings. She was about to give into this urge when, from somewhere deep within her own soul, she felt a surge of strength to ignore that part of herself, and to let Shinji know how she felt. She nodded slightly as she made her decision, and continued her tone even. "It felt good to have you there, you know? Even though I said I hated it. I was scared... I mean, it was my first _real_ battle, right? You... You made me feel better, safer. By the time I moved in with you and Misato, I wanted to hate you because I was already falling in love with you. From that day on I tried even harder to drive you away, to hate me, but you never did. You just kept caring... You saved my life at the volcano, and other times. That angered me even more because I didn't want to feel that I needed you, and I did..." She paused, fighting to remain calm as a sob threatened to burst loose from her, and barely winning against her emotions. "And now, I..."

"And now you...?" Shinji prompted softly, his voice honestly curious.

"Now..." Asuka stopped to take a breath, trying to slow her anger as well as her sadness and regret. "Now that I've let my goddamn pride get in my own way time and time again, I've lost you…" Asuka sighed, then spoke after a moment as Shinji remained silent. "I finally admit to myself that maybe… No, not maybe! I admitted to myself that I _do_ care for you, just like Hikari said I did… Then you come here and tell me that you care, but that you…" She stole a glance at Shinji's troubled, hurt face, then looking back down so he would not know that she had looked at him, trying to hide the glance by snuggling her head a little bit more comfortably on his shoulder. She knew that he had seen her eyes looking into his as she felt him start to run the fingertips his right hand along her back again, and rest his chin gently on her left shoulder. Shinji did not say anything, though. He merely let her talk, hoping all the while to be able to help her in some way. "And you're hurting, too… This is bothering you just as much as it is me. I can see it in your eyes, and you're not even trying to hide that you're hurting just as much as I am, are you?" She pulled her head back to look into his eyes directly, not the surreptitious glance she had done just a moment before.

Shinji sighed lightly, and pulled back from her to look into her eyes. He made sure that he had her attention, and that she was looking into his eyes and not elsewhere. "Asuka, I told you that I wanted to help you get through with this coma… In order to do that, I _have_ to be honest with you, and myself. So I'm not going to lie to you, Asuka. It's the _least_ that I owe you!" His eyes were soft as he spoke, and Asuka could see within them that he was not lying to her.

Asuka slammed her palms into Shinji's chest, grabbing a double handful of his shirt, and closed her eyes tightly. "Damn your eyes, Shinji! Why couldn't you be arrogant about this? Why couldn't you be smug and sure of yourself like so many of the other boys and even _men_ that tried to get me to love them? Why couldn't you be a heartless bastard so I could just hate you? Why couldn't you be more like I always was to you so I didn't love you like I do…"Her own statement hit her like a physical blow, stunning her for several seconds. When she recovered from her stunned state, she felt her regret and grief build, almost to the breaking point. Although some of the emotional pressure had been relieved within her dreams, it was not enough to stem the tide of these emotions. The way these emotions were building was different from the buildup in her dreams. It was as if the wall around her emotions, built by her pride and stubborn will to leave her childhood behind, was like a weak dam filled to bursting; and her emotions were like a river in the spring, filled to overflowing with snowmelt, driving against the dam forcefully, inexorably.

As she gazed at Shinji, she was expecting, and even hoping, to see condemnation, pity, or even contempt in his face at her outburst. She did not see these things, though. He merely looked at her with a pained, regretful expression, and tightened his embrace once again, as if trying to take all of her pain away from her and into himself. "I'm sorry, Asuka." It was the first time he had apologized since he had come to her dreamscape. It was not his normal, instant reaction apology she was used to hearing from him, and it held so much sincerity that only the barest hint of anger crept into Asuka's feelings, which she quickly subdued. When he realized she was not angry with him for apologizing, he continued, his words soft and sincere. "I truly am sorry... I honestly thought you hated me, especially after the fifteenth angel. Now I know that you didn't, and I feel like a fool for not thinking you said that because of what happened. I never said anything, never tried to understand you. I'm starting to now, and... I don't know what happened, to change you from the little girl I saw earlier... But I know that it was something horrible... As horrible for you as it was for me when I saw my mother die."

Asuka looked away from Shinji for a moment, loosening the grip upon the material on the front of his shirt unconsciously before looking back at him. "You saw your mother die, Shinji, when you were that young?" She choked out, her voice clouding with tears.

"Yes… I was only three, but I've finally accepted it, after so long… It hurts, still, but…" Shinji's face was almost serene as he remembered his conversation with Evanna and Asuka's mother Kyouko. That was when it was confirmed that although she had died, Yui Ikari's soul was within the core of Unit-01.

"You're right, about what changed me being horrible, Shinji… It's beyond horrible... I couldn't even remember my mother for who she was before she…" Asuka closed her eyes, gritting her teeth against her rising emotions, and forced out the rest of what she was trying to say. "I… I saw my mother die, too, Shinji… I was six and I still haven't… I can't…" Asuka opened her eyes, looking into his, and was shocked when she saw tears form, and slowly fall. Tears of sorrow. Tears that fell for her. Her voice began to crack, and she was unable to continue without breaking down_. I won't break down now, I can't!_ She drew a deep breath, steadying herself, and was about to speak when Shinji interrupted her.

"And now, with all of this sorrow you've had to live with… Now I've hurt you even more by telling you I've met someone I'm falling in love with." Shinji stopped, knowing what he wanted to say, but fearing the consequences of saying it to her. He weighed both, and chose to let his feeling out, because he may never have the chance again. "I am an idiot, like you always said I was, Asuka... I'm falling in love, no, I… I _am_ in love with another girl, and at the same time, I'm still in love with you, even after all that's happened... I still... I love you…"

As Shinji had continued speaking, Asuka's body had tensed in disbelief. Finally, with those last three heart felt words left Shinji's mouth, the dam holding her emotions almost broke, but her old defenses surged, the pain of being told by Shinji that he loved her when she couldn't have him too much for her almost shattered pride to bear. Shinji tightened his grip on the young woman as she pulled at her now retightened grip on his shirt, as she shook him. "Why? If you love her, Shinji, why do you still love me? _Why_?" She let go of his shirt, doubling her hands into fists and pounding them several times against his chest. Shinji didn't let go of his embrace, however, and he looked into her hurt, almost accusing eyes without flinching. "Why did you even bother, Shinji? Why didn't you just let me waste away and die, to be forgotten like all useless things? Did you come here to gloat? Or to get back at me for all of the times that I've hurt you?" Shinji let silence reign for a moment, looking at her with pain filled eyes. Asuka struggled in his arms, freeing one of her arms. She glared at him as he held her firmly enough to prevent her other arm from becoming free, but not enough to hurt her. "Answer me!" she screamed at him, grasping his collar for emphasis. Shinji still didn't answer, and she removed her hand from his collar, slamming her open palm across his face. "_ANSWER ME, damn you!"_ She screamed after slapping him, her voice bordering on a shriek.

Shinji took in a deep breath, his face neutral, but still holding a caring look as he spoke to her. He looked back to her, a soft, somewhat embarrassed smile on his face for a moment. "No, Asuka, it wasn't to gloat, or to hurt you. And would you truly have rather had me lie to you?" he asked, his voice gentle, but firm, but taking on a tone of great pain as he continued. "Asuka, I promised you that I wouldn't lie to you anymore, and I won't!" Shinji looked up, his voice going slightly distant as he did so. "I will _never_ lie to you again, no matter what happens!" Shinji looked back to Asuka, losing the pained tone, but still gentle, still firm and unshaken. "That's why I told you that I am in love with Kieko, and that I'm still in love with you! I want you to come back because you want to, not because of some false promise I made to you! Wouldn't you rather have that from me, Asuka?"

"I don't… I…" Asuka closed her eyes, lost in thought for a moment. _Would I?_ She asked herself, uncertain of the answer. _I… He has never really lied to me… He wouldn't be the same if he did… He would have changed completely, become like… Like those boys that have tried to make me theirs in the past. He wouldn't be _Shinji_! Even now, when he's so different, he's still Shinji, he's just… He's like I wanted him to be, how I always hoped he would become… _ When she looked back to Shinji, fresh tears stung her eyes, but her voice was calm, and almost even. "Yes, Shinji, I'd rather have the truth from you. No matter how much it hurts… No matter… No matter how much… It hurts..." With that, the torrent of emotions that had been building within her shattered through the last wall she had around her emotions. Shinji felt her bring her hands up to her face, and felt a shudder passed through her body. A strangled cry escaped her mouth, which she tried to hold back with gritted teeth. When she was unable to, she stopped trying, and the sobs came, even stronger than before, shaking both of them. Then she then let go, her palms resting flat against his chest, her body sagging against Shinji as her legs buckled. Carefully, he lowered them both to the ground, situating her so that she was sitting with her legs across his lap. Asuka ran her hands around his neck, pulling herself to him tightly, resting her head on his right shoulder now, and burying her face into the crook of his neck. Shinji circled his right arm around her shoulders, to support her, and brought his left hand up to the back of her head, gently running his fingers through her long hair, trying to offer what strength he could. Her sobs and cries wrenched at his soul, as they sounded as if her very soul was being ripped apart.


End file.
